Lost
by VenusDeMilo
Summary: Hermione gets lost in the past and falls in love with Severus... Cliche, true... but still fun (Complete)
1. Prolouge

The Time Turner – Chapter One

"Put your hand down, Miss Granger!  I have no tolerance for know-it-alls!"  

Hermione rolled her eyes and looked over at Harry and Ron.  She was used to Snape yelling at her for no good reason.  It had gotten to the point where she felt strangely unfulfilled if he didn't yell at her at least once during a class.  

Hermione, Harry, and Ron were in their seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  Dark times had once again fallen over the wizarding world, Voldemort was gaining in power and hardly a week went by that there wasn't news of a new disappearance or muggle death.  Only Hogwarts managed to stay remotely the same, although after the death of Cedric Diggory two years ago was never far from the minds of the students.

No other students had been killed since the infamous Tri-Wizard Tournament although it seemed to be only pure luck that Hermione, Harry, and Ron had not been killed.  In both their fifth and sixth years they had managed to go up against Voldemort himself, narrowly avoiding death in the process.  In their sixth year they succeeded in capturing Peter Pettigrew, commonly known as Wormtail, and earned themselves places as aurors once they finished their schooling.

Hermione added adder's sting to her potion, watching as it turned the desired shade of blue.  She had finally come to terms with her potions class, and had calmed down considerably because of it.  For years it had bothered her that Professor Snape never acknowledged the fact that she was the best potions student in the year, and probably in the school too.  She had gotten tired of going after praise from him, deciding that it was easier to just work for herself.

"Just think, only ten more months of this, and then we are free of him forever!"  She whispered to Ron, who was in the middle of cutting up his willow bark.

He laughed under his breath.  "Yeah, I can't wait until potions is only a thing of the past."  

Harry nodded in agreement, "Right, soon we'll never have to see Snape again."

As hard as Snape was on Hermione, it was nothing compared to how he treated Harry.  Snape had a grudge on Harry's late father, and through some twisted logic hated Harry as well.  Not that Harry really minded.  After living with the Dursley's for so many years, he had gotten used to people hating him.  As long as he wasn't getting detention, Harry really didn't mind Snape's nasty behavior.

Professor Snape watched with a sneer on his face as the three Gryffindor students whispered amongst themselves.  He would normally be giving them a nasty detention, but today he was lost in his thoughts. It was the first week of school, and he knew what that meant.  It would be happening soon.  The event that had changed his life, that had cost him so much pain, so many years of frustration, would be happening soon.  He watched the Granger girl with a mix of emotion that left him only with a headache.  It was all because of her… all because of her.

************************************************************

"You wanted to see me sir?"  Hermione asked Snape after the class had drained of students.  She wasn't sure why he had asked her to stay behind, but she was sure she wasn't going to like it.  She noticed that he was clutching a small package in his hands.  

"Yes, Miss Granger.  Have a seat."  He seemed to be in an increasingly foul mood.  Hermione walked to the nearest desk and sat down, looking at him in curiosity.

"This came for you today, Miss Granger, and for reasons unknown to me, Professor Dumbledore has asked me to give it to you.  I trust you know what it is."  He walked over to the desk and placed the parcel on the desk with disdain.  

Despite his presence she smiled.  "My time turner!"  She opened the package and looked at the little hourglass on the silver chain.  It looked like a pretty charm, but it was even more beautiful to her since she knew how she could use it.  

Snape stared at it with disgust.  This was the cause of all his misery.  He thought, briefly, of snatching it away from her, not allowing it to happen.  However he knew that it would accomplish nothing.  The event would take place no matter what he did.  He eyed the girl thoughtfully.  She seemed so pleased to have this little device… she had no idea what it would truly bring her.  

She noticed his stare and looked up at him questioningly.  "Is there anything else professor?"  She was itching to get out of the door and show Harry and Ron.  

Snape could see how eager she was, 'No doubt to get to Potter and Weasley,' he thought angrily. It infuriated him, the fact that she was so ready to escape his presence.  "No, that is not all, Miss Granger.  You are to be here at seven o'clock tonight for a detention."

Hermione stared at him in an unflattering way.  "What did I do?" She asked, running over the entire lesson in her mind, searching for something that would warrant this punishment.  Snape sneered evilly at her.  "I feel no need to explain my actions to you.  Now go, you are dismissed."

Shutting her mouth, which moments before had been gaping open, Hermione packed up her things and headed to the door.  'Damn him!'  She thought, as she ascended the dungeon stairs, making her way to the Gryffindor common room.  Getting detention in the first week back was not something that would be taken lightly, seeing as she was Head Girl.

By the time she had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady she was thoroughly angered with Snape's behavior towards her.  It seemed that he really had it out for her this year.  "It's just not right!"  She groaned, waking the Fat Lady, who had been napping.

"Of course not, dear."  The Lady yawned, and stretched across the canvas, "Password?"

"Wronski Feint."  She said, shaking her head a little bit.  Ron, now a prefect, something that had shocked the entire school, was in charge of passwords this week, and it showed.

The portrait swung open and Hermione climbed through, looking around to see if Harry or Ron were there.  She spied them by the fire engaged in a game of chess.  She plopped down next to them and sighed heavily.  

"What happened Hermione?"  Ron asked, not looking up from the game.  He was only two moves away from a victory, and he wasn't about to lose to Harry.

"It's Snape.  He had me stay after to get my new time turner, and he gave me detention for no good reason!"  She pouted a little bit.  "And in the first week too!  What is McGonagall going to say?"

Harry looked at her with sympathy.  He was used to getting unfounded detentions from Snape.  "She'll say he's a stupid git and give you a cookie."  McGonagall was known to have a soft spot for Hermione and tended to forgive her anything.  "I wouldn't worry about it.  You did say that you got the time turner though, right?"

The trio had been anxiously awaiting the arrival of her new hourglass, as it would give them all some much needed extra time.  Although Harry and Ron weren't supposed to know about it, Hermione had told them anyway.  It had been so helpful in the third year that she just had to share it with them.

"Yeah.  It's a new model too, very powerful.  McGonagall said that it can take you years back in time, not just hours, although I don't think anyone has actually ever done it."  She smiled as Ron won the game.  He did a little dance in his chair before joining the conversation.

"Snape is just a greasy git.  It's good about the time turner though.  I was wondering when the ministry was going to send it to you."  He started cleaning up the chess game, and smiled at Hermione, blushing a little when she smiled back.  

Hermione shut her eyes, and moaned a little.  "I don't want to do detention tonight!  It's the first Friday of the year; I wanted to relax a little bit!  Stupid Snape.  I wonder what he'll make me do."

Harry stood up, and held out his hand, helping Hermione to her feet.  "I don't know, but don't dwell on it.  Let's just go down to dinner."

*****************************************************

Severus Snape could not bring himself to actually eat any dinner.  He could pick her voice out of the crowd.  She was laughing with those friends of hers.  He speared a carrot violently.  All he wanted to do was forget about her.  Just not think about Hermione Granger for one second.  But he couldn't get her out of his head.  He kept wondering when it was going to happen.  If only it could be prevented… so much might not have happened. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Albus Dumbledore, who had noticed the look on Severus' face.  "Not brooding, are we Severus?"  He asked lightly, trying to draw the man out of his foul mood.

"Of course I am.  She is in her seventh year.  You know what that means."  He speared another carrot with gusto, causing it to fly from his plate and onto Dumbledore's head.  Severus made a noise suspiciously like a growl, but Dumbledore simply laughed.

 "It happened long ago, Severus, you need to learn to let go."  He took the carrot and transfigured it to a rose, handing it to Minerva McGonagall who was sitting to his left.  

"It is not just something I can forget, Albus.  It changed everything… my whole life changed because of that girl!"  He shook his head, and added softly.  "Even if I could move on, it will all be dredged up again when she returns.  What then, Albus?  We have no idea how she is going to react.  Have you given any thought as to what is going to happen?"

Dumbledore sighed.  "Yes, Severus, I have been giving it thought for twenty years.  We don't know how she will react, but there is nothing we can do about it.  What will happen will happen.  All we can do is hope for the best and try to stay positive."

Severus shook his head.  "Always the bloody optimist."

Dumbledore could only laugh.

Across the hall Harry, Ron, and Hermione were doing the same thing.  Harry had just laid out a detailed plan on how to get back at Snape for giving Hermione a detention.

"Oh, Harry, it's brilliant!  He will absolutely go crazy!"  Hermione had lightened up considerably in the past years on practical jokes.  She wasn't as in love with them as they boys were, but she was always ready for a good one.  

"I think we ought to wait a week though."  Ron said, between mouthfuls of food.  "We don't want him to suspect us."

Harry grinned.  "He is going to suspect you and me no matter what.  The trick is to have him not suspect Hermione.  We don't want her in trouble again."

Suddenly, Hermione's eyes lit up.  "I know how we can do it, and there is no way he'll be able to say it was us!"

The boys looked at her with great interest.  No matter how much they planned, there was never any absolute way that they could pull it off… but to have a guarantee that they wouldn't be caught… it was like Christmas had come early.  "How?"  They both asked at the same time, practically drooling with anticipation.  

Hermione patted the spot where her time turner lay under her robes.  "We'll use the hourglass to go back in time so we can do it while we're in potions!  He would be watching us the entire time, there is no way he could suspect us, or that he could prove it anyway.  Even if he brought up the time turner, there is no way any of the other teachers would believed I would use it for non academic purposes!"  She was positively glowing.

"That is the best idea I think I have ever heard!"  Ron said, with look of deep respect for Hermione.  "When did you get to be so devious?"

She laughed, "I learned from the masters," giving them a melodramatic nod of the head.  

After that the boys' conversation turned to Quidditch, one which Hermione had no desire to participate in.  She got lost in thoughts of her latest Transfigurations class; it had been a particularly difficult one, turning a grain of sand into a bar of chocolate.  She had been the only one to do it right the first time.  Suddenly the little hairs on the back of Hermione's neck stood straight on end.   She could feel someone's eyes on her.  She quickly scanned the entire room, but did not catch anyone's eye.  'That's odd.'  She thought, before looking down again.  Seconds later the sensation returned.  

She looked up quickly this time, but she still could not find who had been staring.  She shivered a little bit.  She didn't like the idea of someone watching her.  After it happened a third time she got a little angry. "This is ridiculous." She whispered, pushing her chair away from the table.

"What's wrong?"  Harry asked her as she got up from her seat.

"I don't know… I keep getting the feeling that someone is watching me.  It's creepy.  I think I am just going to go back to the common room.  I'm done eating anyway."

Harry nodded.  "Okay.  We'll be up in a bit… if Ron ever gets full!"  

"Mfph!" Ron snorted, with a mouth full of food.  Swallowing he gave Harry a dirty look and turned to Hermione.  "We'll be up in a few minutes.  Do me a favor and set up my chessboard, okay?"

She nodded.  "Sure.  See you guys in a bit."  She pushed in her chair, and made her way to the doors of the Great Hall, trying hard not to turn around.  She could feel eyes burning into her back.

Severus watched as she left the Hall.  He had watched with amusement as she had felt his eyes on her.  She never thought to check the High Table for the source of the stare.  He watched her now with the same mix of confusing emotions he had before.  As she left the Hall he stood up.  He could no longer stay here, listening to the hum of the students.  He needed to get to his office where he could be alone with his thoughts.

***********************************************************

Hermione pushed open the door to Snape's classroom.  It was seven on the dot; she hadn't wanted to be there a minute earlier.  She found the room to be empty, and took a seat in the front row.  The fury she had felt towards Snape earlier had now subsided into a small bout of terror.  She was sure he would have something horrible for her to do.

Ten minutes later Snape wandered into the classroom, and looked at Hermione with genuine confusion.  "What do you want, Miss Granger?"  He asked, puzzled.

"Um, I have detention sir.  You told me to be here at seven."  She said timidly.  

He looked at her blankly for a minute before his lips curled into a sneer.  "That's right.  I had forgotten.  I have not prepared anything in the way of a punishment…" Hermione let out a deep breath of air, "so I will have you assist me instead."  She tensed up again at that.

He motioned for her to come, and she got up and followed him out of the room and into a small workroom that she had never seen before.  She assumed that it must be part of his private rooms.  He waived a hand at an empty stool and she sat down awaiting instructions.

"Right now I am working on some simple healing spells for Madam Pomfrey.  I trust you know how to make a Band-Adius potion?"  He didn't look at her as she spoke, instead going through several stacks of papers that were on a desk.

"Yes sir."  She answered, trying her hardest to have a steady voice.  

"Good.  You will find the ingredients you need on the table to your left.  Once you have completed the potion you may go."  He was glad now that he had given her detention.  Now he wouldn't have to waste his time doing favors for Poppy.  

Hermione got to work adding the long list of ingredients together.  She was so involved in her work that she didn't notice Snape watching her.  

An hour later Hermione was satisfied that the potion was done.  She put it into ten small vials and then into a rack.  She was proud of the work she had done.  She knew that the potion was perfect; there was nothing Snape could say that would change that.

"Professor?  I'm done."  She said, breaking him out of his train of thought.

He looked at her with a strange expression.  "Yes, thank you… just… you can go."

She nodded and turned to the door wanting to run but forcing herself to walk slowly.  She had never seen that expression on Snape's face before.  It was a mix of sadness and something else she couldn't place.  She didn't want to dwell on it though, and she slipped out of the room.  

For some reason, Snape decided to follow her.  He moved silently to make sure she didn't notice him.  He stood at the door to the classroom watching as she made her way up the long staircase.  Suddenly, something went wrong.  She teetered backwards on the top stair before falling back.  

She fell quickly down the long staircase looking as if she were doing summersaults.  She could feel bones breaking and she tried to cry out, but the wind kept getting knocked out of her.  Finally, she hit the bottom with a thud.  

Snape stopped dead as she hit bottom.  He saw the hourglass fly from her neck landing many feet away from her body.  He watched as she seemed to flicker in the candle light before disappearing altogether.

Numbly he walked over and picked up the hourglass.  'So this is how it happened.'  He thought.  'If I hadn't called her for detention…'   Pulling himself together he started towards the headmaster's office to alert him, although now there was nothing they could do but await her return.

*********************************************************

Hermione could hear whispers around her, but she couldn't open her eyes to see who was talking.  Her body felt as if it was on fire, and she could vaguely remember falling down the stairs leaving Snape's dungeon.

She guessed it was because of the fall, but the voices she heard were not making any kind of sense.  They kept talking about where she had come from, and as if they didn't know her.  She knew the voices were familiar, though she couldn't place them.  She thought she must be delirious.  

"I'm telling you, sir, she just appeared out of no where.  I didn't recognize her, but I saw that she was hurt.  I didn't think to ask her name."  The voice sounded very familiar.

"You did the right thing by bringing her here, Severus… but are you sure you can't tell us anything more?  There is nothing else you can remember?"  This voice was familiar too, and soothing.  Although she didn't understand what he was talking about, she wished he would talk more.

"No sir… wait, I think she is waking up."

Hermione indeed was beginning to open her eyes.  She groaned softly, and tried to pull herself up.  "What happened," she asked the voices, whose faces were blurry.

It seemed that they didn't know what to say.  One of the faces came into focus.  It was a face she knew… although it seemed very different… younger…

"Professor Snape?  What's going on?" She saw the startled look on the man's face, and became very confused.  Suddenly the other face came into focus… it was Dumbledore; only different… he looked younger as well.  "Professor Dumbledore?  Please… what's going on?"

Dumbledore turned to Snape and said softly, "I think you had better leave us alone, Severus.  You may return to the Slytherin common room, and twenty points to Slytherin for helping… her."

Snape nodded and walked out the door, casting one last puzzled look at Hermione.  Dumbledore pulled up a chair and sat next to her, holding one of her hands.  

"I'm sorry, but you are going to have to tell me your name."

Hermione looked at him with a furrowed brow.  "Hermione Granger… Professor, how could you forget my name?"

He looked at her with his twinkling blue eyes.  "Now, stay calm child… but we have never met."

She looked at him with an unreadable mix of emotions.  Then, suddenly, her eyes went wide.  Her she flung her hand to her neck, and then to cover her mouth.

Dumbledore looked at her with concern.  "What is it child?"

"I… my… I had a time turner… when I fell… it… it's gone…I…"  She turned to Dumbledore with a look of horror on her face.  "What year is it?"

 Dumbledore answered, understanding now what had happened, "It is 1972."

Hermione gasped, before fainting back onto the bed.

Dumbledore sat there staring at her.  It was going to be an interesting year.

*****************************************************

(A/N)  Hi!  This is my first attempt at a S/Hr story.  I wasn't sure what to put as the date, so I guessed.  I hope it makes some sense.  This is kind of the prologue to the story… in the next chapter she'll get settled and all.  

I know that this isn't too original as far as plots go… but whatever.  I just want it to be entertaining.  I hope you enjoy it.


	2. Chapter One

LOST

Chapter One

Hermione nervously followed Professor McGonagall to Gryffindor tower.  She had spent a week in the Hospital wing recovering from her fall, but Dumbledore had decided that it was time to introduce her to the rest of the school.  

All of the Professors had spent the past week searching for something that could send her back to her own time, but they had all come up empty, and the time turners in this decade were not yet powerful enough to send someone more than a few hours into the future.  It seemed that Hermione would have to stay where she was.

She had been worried about what was going to happen to her, seeing as she was stranded and without a single galleon to her name.  Dumbledore has just smiled at her fears, telling her that money was no problem.  In fact, Professor McGonagall, who had quickly found that she adored Hermione, offered to be her guardian and caretaker for as long as was needed.  All this made Hermione feel somewhat better in her situation, but she was still numb to just about everything.  She tried not to think that she might never get back to her own time, but the thought seemed to never be far off.

As they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, McGonagall turned to Hermione with a kind smile.  "I know this is hard for you dear.  Just know that the entire staff is here for you, of there is anything you need."  She put a hand on Hermione's shoulder, "My Gryffindors are a good bunch.  I am sure they will make you feel right at home."

Hermione smiled weakly.  "I am sure they will, considering that I know most of them already."

McGonagall pursed her lips together, and squeezed Hermione's shoulder.  "Are you ready dear?"

Hermione nodded and McGonagall gave the password.  They climbed in through the portrait hole and into the common room, which was filled to the brim with all of the Gryffindors.

They all looked at her with curiosity.  All they had been told was that there was a new girl joining their house, but no one could get anything more out of the teachers.  They hadn't even been told what year she was in.  

McGonagall cleared her throat and the room became silent.  Hermione took a deep breath, and tried to smile.

"We have a new student joining Gryffindor.  Her name is Hermione Granger, and she is in seventh year.  I hope you will all make her feel welcome, and a part of Gryffindor."  She looked at a pretty girl with red hair, "Lily, as you are Head Girl, I would like to ask that you show Hermione around.  That is all for now.  Remember to get some sleep; there is a Hogsmede visit tomorrow."  With that she gave Hermione a last smile, and then walked out of the common room, leaving the students to themselves.

Lily walked up to Hermione with a friendly smile on her face.  "Hi!  I'm Lily Evans!"

Hermione smiled back, trying hard not to stare at the girl who would become her best friend's mother.  "Hi Lily, I'm Hermione.  It's nice to meet you."

Lily grinned.  "You have no idea how nice it is to meet you!  I've been the only Gryffindor girl in my age for six years!  I need an ally."

Hermione had to smile.  "I'm sure we'll be great friends.  Do you mind if we go up to the dorm before I meet everybody?  I'd kind of like to get settled in?"

"Sure!  It's right over…"  Lily stopped short as Hermione walked straight up the stairs to the girls' dorm. "there."  She looked at a small group of boys and raised an eyebrow before following the new girl up to their rooms.

Lily shut the door to the small room and looked at Hermione.  "How did you know where it was?"  She asked, sitting down on her bed.

Hermione blushed.  "I um…  it's…"  she hung her head, "it's complicated."

Lily looked at her, eyes glittering a bit.  "It's true, isn't it?"

Hermione looked confused.  "What's true?"  She sat down on the bed opposite Lily.

"My friend Severus… he was the one who found you after you fell… said he heard the teachers talking about you."  Hermione looked horrified; she didn't want people knowing she was from their future.  "He said that they said that you knew things… that you are a seer, like, a real one."

Hermione relaxed a little bit.  This could be very helpful.  If they all thought that she was a seer she wouldn't have to worry about accidentally slipping something that she wasn't supposed to know.  She decided to run with it.   "Yeah… that's why I transferred to Hogwarts.  My… old school… didn't have a good divination teacher, and they thought I could control my abilities better here."

Lily clapped her hands together.  "Oh!  Can you like, do it whenever you want?  Can you tell me something about me?"

Hermione considered if there was anything she could tell Lily.  "Well, I can't control what I learn.  I just sort of… know things.  And, I don't really like to tell people their futures, it's a personal thing."  She saw the disappointment in Lily's eyes.  "Well… I can tell you one thing."  Lily smiled.  "You are going to have a son who you will love more than anything."

"Wow.  I've always wanted a son!"  Lily said, smiling to herself.  

**************************************************************

After Hermione had finished unpacking her new things, Lily took her by the hand.  "Come on, I want to introduce you to the gang."  

They descended the stairs into the common room, which was now almost empty except for a group of four boys in the corner.  Hermione immediately knew who they were when she saw a boy with messy black hair and glasses turn around.  These were the Marauders.

"Hey guys.  I want to introduce you to Hermione."  The guys stood up and offered their hands in order.  "Hermione, I want you to meet James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter."  Hermione shook each of their hands, trying hard not to show her hatred for Peter.  "Guess what guys… Hermione is a seer!"  Hermione blushed at the looks on the guys faces.

"No way," Sirius said, looking her up and down, "tell me something no one knows."

Hermione smiled for a moment before leaning close to him and saying, "I could tell you a lot of things, Padfoot."

He looked at her with shock, then with a huge smile on his face.  "That is so cool!"

The other guys were dying to know what had impressed Sirius so much that she ended up having to whisper each of their nicknames to them as well.  They all seemed to find it to be extremely cool that she could do that, and immediately thought of her as one of their own.

They settled down into the chairs in front of the fire as Lily went off telling Hermione all about Hogwarts.  Hermione was thrilled to find that Lily seemed to like studying as much as she did.  The boys moved off into their own separate conversations and she soon had almost fooled herself into feeling normal here.

"Tomorrow we get to go to Hogsmede, Mya."  Lily had already given Hermione a nick name. "It is the coolest little town.  They have all sorts of fun shops and things to do.  Plus, it will give me a chance to introduce you to some of the other seventh years."

"Sounds like fun."  Hermione said, wondering what the town looked like twenty years before her time.  "I'm kind of worried about meeting the other kids though."

Lily smiled with sympathy.  "It's gotta be hard, coming to a new place like this.  Don't worry though; I'm sure everyone will love you.  I'll introduce you to everybody, and I know that Severus really wants to meet you."

At this Sirius snorted.  "I don't know why you insist on being friends with that oily git, Lil."

Lily frowned, "Just cause he is in Slytherin doesn't make him a bad guy, Sirius.  Sev is a good person, just because you don't like him…"   She turned back to Hermione.  "Gryffindor and Slytherin have this stupid rivalry going on, and these guys," she motioned to the Marauders, "can never seem to get over that."  She threw Sirius a look.  "It's true that some of them are rather creepy, Lucius Malfoy for example, but some of them, like Sev, are nice."  She paused.  "Well, Sev isn't exactly nice… he's kind of sarcastic and sullen."  Noticing the look on Hermione's face she added, "But you'll just love him, I'm sure of it."

*******************************************************************

Hermione opened her eyes, glad for the fact that she had her own room.  Since there were no other seventh year girls, and Lily, as Head Girl had her own room, Hermione got the seventh year dorm to herself.  

She had spent most of the night before crying.  She missed her home, her friends, and her family.  This Hogwarts felt alien, these people… it just wasn't right.  She wished she could just go back to her old life.

Hermione drew her knees up under her chin, and laid her head down, beginning to cry once more.  She didn't notice when Lily crept in.  "Oh Mya!"  She rushed over to the bed and put an arm around Hermione.  "What's wrong?"

Hermione sniffled, trying to pull herself together.  "I just… I miss my friends, and my old school."

"I know, it has to be hard for you."  She gave Hermione a little hug.  "Why don't you tell me all about your friends?"

Hermione smiled, and as the two girls got ready for Hogsmede, she told Lily a highly censored version of her friendship with Harry and Ron.

"They sound wonderful."  Lily said, sitting down next to Hermione at breakfast.  "No wonder you miss them."

Talking about them had really helped Hermione, and she felt much better about everything already.  She really liked Lily.  "Thanks for listening Lily.  I feel much better already.  I can't wait for Hogsmede today."

Just then they were surrounded by the Marauders.  James sat next to Lily, Sirius sat next to Hermione, and Peter and Remus sat across the table.  

"Morning girls," Sirius said, helping himself to a large stack of French toast.  "You are going to love Hogsmede, Mya…"  Hermione smiled at the nick name, "There are all sorts of neat places to see."

Remus agreed, "Yeah.  Hey, have you guys heard?  There is a new shop in town, Zonko's.  It's supposed to be an amazing joke shop."

Absent mindedly Hermione nodded her head, "It's great, if you like that sort of thing.  Although I have to admit the trick…"  She stopped, noticing the five of them staring at her.  She shifted uncomfortably in her seat.  "Sorry."

Sirius grinned at her.  "No, that's awesome.  I wish I could see the future."

She shrugged.  "It's kind of a burden.  I know some things I wish I didn't."

Remus could sympathize.  "I know it must be hard to have an ability you can't control."  She smiled at him, knowing exactly what he was referring to.  "We won't press you about it or anything."  He paused, grinning, "Just give us the heads up if we're about to be caught by Filch or something, okay?"

"Sure."  They finished their breakfast and made their way down to Hogsmede with the rest of the school.  Lily kept Hermione occupied with visiting every store in town.  They stayed with the boys for most of the day, until they got to Zonko's.  The girls had finished looking around in about five minutes while the boys wanted to inspect every thing the store had to offer.  Lily and Hermione decided to go wait for the boys at the Three Broomsticks.

They ordered two butterbeers and slid into a booth near the back of the pub. Much to Hermione's delight they became engaged in a conversation about their studies.  Hermione discovered quickly that she was much ahead of the other students in all of their subjects, as she was from twenty years in the future.

"You really know how to make the Dreamless Sleep potion?  That is supposed to be very advanced."  Lily said, taking a sip of her butterbeer.    

"It is," Came a low voice from next to the table.  Both girls looked up in surprise, although Hermione's lasted much longer than Lily's.  

Severus Snape stood before them, wearing a junior version of his trademark sneer.  He was shorter than in Hermione's time, and there were many slight differences in his appearance.  His hair was shorter, and his nose was straight, as if it's crookedness in the future was from some break that had not happened yet.  His face had the glow of youth, and lacked the deep lines of worry and pain that riddled his future self.  He was bulkier than she remembered which she also attributed to his age here.  All in all a confusing mix of differences and similarities.  

He noticed Hermione's stare and, to her great surprise, blushed slightly.  "Aren't you going to introduce me, Lily?"

The other girl smiled and pulled him down to sit next to her.  "Severus, this is Hermione Granger.  Mya, this is Severus Snape, although I am sure you already knew that."  She winked.

"Hi."  Hermione said weakly.  "I never got the chance to thank you for getting me to the hospital wing."

He looked at her suspiciously.  "What was that all about, anyway?  You seemed to come out of no where."

Hermione hadn't thought of that, and she took a minute to answer, "Oh, um… port key!  I fell down a flight of stairs after touching the port key and um… yeah."  She stopped, hoping that her explanation made some sort of sense.

Lily nodded like it was obvious, but Severus stared at her searchingly.  

"Anyway Sev, Mya here was just telling me about some of the spells and potions they were working on at her old school.  They are really advanced in America."  She took a sip of her butterbeer hoping that Severus would take the bait.  She so wanted him to like her new friend.

She was rewarded by Severus sitting up a bit straighter, looking at Hermione in interest.  "Yes, I overheard you talking about the Dreamless Sleep potion.  They don't teach it at Hogwarts.  I've been trying to make it on my own but..."  He held up his hands, "I haven't been able to get it down right."

She smiled; for once she knew something that her Potions Master didn't.  "It's tricky… you have to do it just so."  She afforded herself a little bragging, "I was the only one in my year able to get it right, so far."

Severus began to pick Hermione's brain about various potions he had been wanting to try, to see if she knew any of them.  Hermione found it odd that she was giving advice on potions to the man who would someday teach her.  However she found it oddly satisfying to be able to talk with him like this.  It almost made up for the years of abuse.  

Lily smiled happily.  This was wonderful.  She had noticed that Severus had been withdrawing into himself lately, pulling away from her, and from his fellow Slytherins.  She hadn't seen him this animated in a conversation for a long time.  

"Polyjuice potion?  You've actually made that?"  He looked at her with big eyes.  

She nodded.  "We made it in my second year.  It wasn't that hard… except that I accidentally added a cat hair instead of a human one.  I spent a month in the hospital wing."  She laughed at the memory.    

A rare smile crossed his face.  "It serves you right for doing such a dangerous potion in your second year."  He paused for a minute.  "What school did you go to anyway?"

She racked her brain for a minute, trying to remember what Dumbledore had told her.  "I went to… Sunnydale Academy."

He didn't seem convinced, but nodded anyway.  He was about to ask her something else when a loud voice interrupted.

"Still not washing your hair, I see."  Sirius was looking at Severus with angry eyes.  He, James, Peter, and Remus had walked into the Three Broomsticks a few minutes before, and were not happy that Lily and Hermione were sitting with Severus.

Severus sneered.  "Always the gentleman, aren't you Black?"  He turned to the girls.  "I'll talk to you later Lily.  Mya," the corners of his mouth turned up as he used the name, "it was a pleasure meeting you."  He took her hand and kissed the back of it before throwing Sirius a dirty look at walking away.

Sirius sat down next to Hermione, and Lily glared at him.  "Why can't you just be civil to him, Sirius?  He is my friend after all."

He made a face.  "I can't understand why."  He turned to Hermione.  "If I were you, Mya," he added, seemingly because Severus had, "I would stay away from Severus Snape.  He's no good."

Hermione didn't quite know what to say, so she turned the conversation away from Severus.  "So, what did you guys get at Zonko's?"

That set the boys off and they spent the rest of their time talking about the things they had bought, but Hermione's mind stayed focused on Severus.  

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Note:  I've noticed that a lot of authors make Sev and Hermione dislike each other at first.  I didn't like that.  In my world, they like each other right away, so that's what's going to happen. Although it's gonna take a few chapters for it to turn into a romance.  

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed my story!  I hope you still like it!!!!

Disclaimer… I do not own any of the HP characters… I'm only taking them out for a joy ride.  


	3. Chapter Two

Lost

Chapter Two

"Mya!  Watch this!"  Sirius called to Hermione from up in the air.  It was five weeks since she had been introduced to the Gryffindors, and already she was an inseparable part of their group.  It was a warm Saturday afternoon, and the boys were up in the air playing Quidditch while Lily and Hermione had a nice picnic near the lake.  

Hermione looked up to see Sirius perform a complex series of stunts that left her with a hand across her mouth.  The boys were horrible show offs.  "Oh, be careful!"  She called up to him, before he sped off to join the Quidditch game again.

"Boys."  She muttered under her breath.  Lily laughed.

"I know!  I'm always afraid they are going to break their necks!"  She handed Hermione a tea sandwich.  "If Sirius spent one quarter of the time he spends on a broom on his homework, he might actually get some good marks!"

Hermione took a bite of her sandwich, shaking her head.  "I'd take reading over flying any day."

"You don't like brooms?"  Lily asked, watching the boys flying overhead.

"I'm terrified of them."  Hermione laughed.  "I hate heights.  I like my feet planted firmly on the ground, thank you very much."

"I love flying."  Lily said, thoughtfully.  "Just rushing around up in the air, you feel free."  She turned to her friend.  "We'll have to get you over your fear."

"I don't think so."  Hermione said, with a grin.  If Harry and Ron couldn't get her up in the air, she doubted anyone could.  Just then, James came swooping low to the ground near the girls.  

"Hey there!"  He called, with sweat forming on his brow and a huge grin on his face.

"Hey James!"  The girls called back, getting up to say hello.  

"Lily, do you want to go for a ride?"  He asked, swinging close to the red haired girl.  "The air is amazing today."

"Oh, Mya, do you mind?"  Lily turned to ask, with a grin.

"Not at all!  Go have fun…"  Hermione smiled as the other girl got on the broomstick behind James, and the two sped off into the sky.

She wandered back to the large blanket they had laid out over the grass.  Laying down on her stomach she took a small book from her pocket, and enlarged it to it's regular size.  She had been reading it often, as it was the only thing she had with her from her own time.  

Suddenly, she felt as if a cold breeze swept across her, which startled her, as she was lying in the warm sun.  It was as if someone was staring at her.  She looked around to see if she could find the source, but there was no one around.  She shrugged her shoulders, and continued to read.

A few minutes later, she felt it again, and this time lifted her head quickly, to find herself staring directly into Severus Snape's eyes.  She gasped a little bit.  He was the only thing she hadn't quite gotten used to, here.  She felt guilty every time she looked at him.  She knew what he was going to be like in the future, someone far different from the school boy who stood before her.  

"Most Ponte Potions?"  He asked, giving her one of his searching looks.

"Yes, It's my favorite book, besides…"  He cut her off.

"Hogwarts, a History.  I know."  He grinned at her stunned expression.  "I see you reading it all the time."  He motioned at the blanket, "May I?"

She nodded silently, sitting up to make space for him.  She hadn't really spoken to him since her 'first' time in the Three Broomsticks, and had never been with him alone.  She vaguely wondered why her stomach seemed to be tugging at her.

He picked up the book and leafed through it.  "This is restricted, you know."  He said matter of factly.

"It's my own private copy.  I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone that I have it."  He nodded in approval.

"A good book to own."  He looked at one of the pages, and looked at her with an odd expression on his face.  "It's yours?"

She nodded, and he looked at her thoughtfully, before handing the book back.  "Do you just read the theory, or do you actually make the potions?"

She relaxed a little.  It was always easy to talk about magic, even if it was with him.  "I've tired a few of them… but most are too hard to do on your own, and Harry and Ron…"  She waived her hand in the air, "they didn't like potions."

He sneered.  "Few do."  He looked pointedly at the Marauders, flying overhead. "Few have the intellect to see that there is potent magic beyond wand waiving.  They fail to see the power of potions."  His eyes flashed, "They don't realize that you can learn to bottle fame, brew glory…"

She bit back a laugh, and cut him off, "Or even put a stopper in death."

He looked at her in surprise.  "I was going to say that.  How did you…"

She shrugged.  "Let's just say that I know where you're coming from.  Potions would be my favorite subject, except Sn… um, my old teacher hated me."

She blushed at the look of genuine confusion he gave her, "I don't understand how anyone could hate you."

She decided that they were getting onto dangerous ground, talking about her 'past' like that.  "You know," she said, opening the pages of the book once more, "there are a ton of potions in here that I would love to try… if only I had another pair of hands."

He grinned, causing her heart to stop up for some strange reason.  "Is that your way of asking if I want to work with you?"  She nodded, and he grinned ever wider, "I'd love to."

He looked at her closely.  "You're different than most people."  His face fell a bit as he seemed to slip into his thoughts.  "No one here understands… or cares… about anything except Quidditch."  He waived his hands carelessly at the grounds, "It makes me want to scream sometimes.  I've always felt lost."

She pushed a strand of her hair behind her ears.  It was too strange, sitting here with a man who would someday hate her, feeling as if he was the only one who understood.  It unnerved her, and he seemed to pick up on it.

"What's wrong?"  He asked, feeling suddenly as if he had made a huge mistake by opening up to this new girl.

She shrugged slightly.  "That's how I've always felt too.  It's just strange to hear… someone else say exactly what I have been thinking."

He looked at her, with an intensity she had never seen.  "You really are different, a puzzle.  I intend to figure you out."  

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both deeply lost in their own thoughts.  

Hermione was trying to figure out why she kept blushing when he looked at her, or why the sound of his voice sent shivers up her spine.  In the future his low, silky voice would terrify her, but here it made her feel more aware of her self than she had ever felt.  It was too confusing, seeing him in this new light.  It felt wrong, as if she were abusing the situation, but at the same time, she had never felt that free when talking to anybody.

Severus couldn't understand how this one girl so easily got past all the defenses he had put around himself.  He found it hard to sneer at her, to be sarcastic.  She was a mystery to him, something to be unraveled.  He knew there was something she wasn't telling him, something important.  He knew that she was different than anyone he had ever met.

He looked up at her, and broke the silence.  "If you really want to work on some of those potions, I know the perfect place to do it."

His voice drew her out of her thoughts, and she looked at him with interest.  "Where?"

"There is a small lab, it used to be a classroom, but no one uses it anymore."  He looked at her seriously.  "No one knows about it except for me.  You can't tell anyone, not even Lily."

She nodded her head.  "Of course not.  You think we could really work undisturbed there?"

"Without a doubt.  I've been going there for years… it's my own personal haven.  No one will be able to find us."  The thought sent shivers down her spine.

"Why don't we go through the book, and decide on which one we want to try first, that way we can start planning on how to steal the ingredients."  He looked at her with a pleased surprise.

"A Gryffindor doing something like stealing, I never thought I would see the day."  He moved closer to her, and they started leafing through the book.

In the air above, Sirius had been watching the exchange.  He didn't mind so much when they were just talking, but now they were sitting so close to one another…  He frowned.  He hated Severus with something of a passion, and it made him sick to see him so near something he considered his.  It was bad enough that Lily insisted on being friends with the greasy git, but did Mya have to as well?  He did a quick turn on his broom.  

In the few weeks he had known her, Sirius had begun to consider Hermione his own.  She was beautiful and smart, something to be desired.  Someone Sirius had decided should be his own.  He flew down to where the two sat, deep in conversation.

"What are you doing here, Snape?  Shouldn't you be sulking around a dungeon somewhere?"  Sirius landed, and stood over Severus menacingly.  

Hermione quickly shrank the book they had been looking at, stood up and tried to diffuse the situation.  "We were just talking about potions, Sirius."

Severus stood up, and looked Sirius in the eye, dangerously.  "That's right, Black.  We were having an intellectual conversation, something you would know nothing about."  He emphasized the we part, causing Sirius' face to go red.

"Why don't you leave her alone, you greasy git?"  Sirius' eyes narrowed.

Severus gave Sirius a cruel smirk.  "I don't think she wants to be left alone.  I think she likes me right where I am."

Hermione looked at both of them in disgust.  "Oh, stop acting like five year olds, and talking about me like I'm not here."

Neither Sirius nor Severus seemed to notice that she had spoken.  She threw up her hands in exasperation, and shook her head.  The boys had now begun to slowly circle each other.  Sirius gave a small growl.  "I think you had better leave."

Severus smirked.  "Think you can make me?  Because I am not going anywhere."

Hermione had had it.  She pushed her way in between the two boys.  They looked at her, stunned.  "You are both just embarrassing yourselves."  She placed a hand on Sirius' chest, but turned to Severus.  "I'll talk to you later, okay?"  She looked at him pleadingly, "You have to show me that…" she glanced quickly at Sirius, "that shortcut to Arthimancy you were telling me about."  

He nodded his head, throwing Sirius a very dirty look before walking away.  Hermione sighed and turned back to Sirius, who was shooting daggers at Severus' back.  

"Sirius, I appreciate that you are trying to look out for me… but really.  Do you have to act like that?"  She gave him a tired look.

He tore his eyes away from Severus to look at Hermione.  An embarrassed red blush crossed his face.  "I'm sorry Mya.  It's just…"  He scowled.  "There is something wrong with that guy.  He's no good, and I don't want you to get mixed up with him."

Hermione's stomach twisted at this, and she decided to get off the subject of Severus as soon as possible.  "Hey…"  She said, forcing a smile onto her face.  "Why don't you take me for a ride on your broom?"

It was as if nothing had even happened.  He gave her a huge grin.  "Sure!  I'll make you like flying before you know it!"

The two mounted the broom and flew off to join their friends, unaware that below them Severus Snape was watching with murder in his eyes.

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Hermione sat in the common room, watching the fire.  No matter how she tried, she couldn't get the thought of Severus out of her head.  It was so strange, to know him here as a completely different person.  She wanted to get to know him better, to be able to pick that brain of his for once.

Every time she saw him, she got lost in a mix of emotions.  At fist she wasn't able to get past the fact that he was her vindictive potions master, but that thought seemed to fade more and more every time she saw him.  

She loved Lily and the boys, but there was just something about Severus that grabbed at her.  His intelligence ran deep; he challenged her, made her look farther into herself than she ever had before.  There was something about him, something she couldn't ignore.  Something that stirred her soul and left her weak.

She shook her head.  She had to do something to get him out of her mind.  She looked around the common room.  She smiled when she saw Lily and James snuggling in a corner.  They always seemed to be so happy together.  Remus and Peter were playing an intense game of chess, so she decided not to bother them.  That left only Sirius, who was sitting in one of the squishy armchairs, staring off into space.

She got up and sat on the arm of his chair.  "What are you thinking about?"

He pulled her down into his lap.  "Nothing important.  Just being bored out of my skull.  How about you?  I noticed that you were no where near earth."

She shrugged.  "Nothing important… school stuff."  He made a face.  "Hey!  Some of us actually like school.  Not like there is much else to think about, it's kind of a dull night."

He grunted.  "Tell me something I don't know.  There is nothing to do tonight!"

She thought for a minute, then turned to Sirius.  "I know a way the night wouldn't be a waste."

He looked at her with a grin, "I'm all ears."

"How do you fancy a raid on the potions classroom?  I need some supplies."  She laughed as she saw the look of pure ecstasy on his face.

"Are you serious?  You really want to do that?"  The Marauders hadn't gone out in a few weeks, and he was beginning to feel restless.

"Yeah, there are a few ingredients that I really need."  He jumped up, dumping her unceremoniously on the floor.  "Hey!"  

He grinned, "Sorry.  Wait right here… I'll be back in a second."  He ran over to James, and whispered something into his ear.  James nodded, and Sirius took off to the boys' dorm.  Hermione smiled and brushed the dirt off of her robes.  

A few seconds later Sirius came down the stairs holding a piece of parchment that she knew must be the Marauders' Map.  He put a hand on her back and steered her out of the common room and into the hall.

"Don't tell anyone, but we have two things that we use to sneak around the school."  Hermione knew what was coming, but she decided to indulge him.  "The first one is this map.  It lets us know where all of the teachers are, so we don't get caught.  The second one is this…"  He threw the cloak around his shoulder, and she gasped obligingly.  "It's James'.  Come on, get in." 

He held the cloak open, and she stepped beneath it.  She smiled up at him.  "Let's go."

They walked slowly, as it seemed that every teacher in the school was wandering the halls.  After turning a corner to get away from Filch, they nearly ran straight into McGonagall.  Sirius looked at Hermione happily.  Clearly, he was in his element.

Finally they made their way down to the dungeons.  Hermione went to unlock the door to the potions classroom, but found that it was already open.  'Odd.'  She thought to herself, before ushering Sirius inside.

A quick check of the Map told them that there were no teachers close by.  Hermione turned to Sirius.  "Stay here and guard the door.  I am going to slip into the store room."  He nodded, and turned his attention back to the map.

She walked to the door, and frowned as she saw that this room was also unlocked.  She pushed open the door silently and walked inside.  

She smiled as she found the reason that the doors were open.  Severus was in there, going through the various bottles and jars.  She crept up behind him, being extra careful to not make a sound.  

She leaned in close, and whispered into his ear, "Fancy meeting you here."

He turned around with a start, almost dropping the jar he was holding.  He went to say something, but she put a hand over his mouth.  "Quiet.  Sirius is out there, and I don't think you guys really want to run into each other."

He glanced at the door then nodded.  "What are you doing down here?"  He whispered, putting down the jar.

"Same as you, I guess.  I wanted to stock up on some ingredients."  She started to go through, collecting what she needed.  

"You know, we never decided what to make."  He said, gathering the last of the supplies that he needed.

"I know."  She turned around to look at him.  "How about we meet this Saturday to figure it out, while everyone else is in Hogsmede."

He tired very hard not to beam at this suggestion, keeping his face disinterested.  "Sure.  Meet me in the Library around noon."

He leaned back and watched as she opened a jar of boomslang skin.  "What are you doing down here with Black anyway?"  He couldn't hide his loathing of the other boy.

She shrugged.  "He's my friend, Severus."

"What about me?"  She turned around, and from the look on his face guessed that she wasn't supposed to have heard the question.

She contemplated him for a minute.  "I haven't quite figured that out yet."

They looked into each others' eyes for a moment, and Hermione thought that she saw him start to lean forward slightly.  Just then, Sirius' voice broke the connection.

"Mya?  Are you almost done in there?"  Hermione tore her eyes away from Severus to whisper back, "Just two seconds, Sirius."

She turned back to Severus, "I'll see you on Saturday, alright?"  He nodded and she turned to the door.  Just before she walked out, he grabbed her hand.  She turned around to look at him, but as she looked into his eyes he seemed to lose whatever it was he was going to tell her.  He dropped her hand, and she went out of the door.

Sirius was looking at her impatiently.  "What took you so long?"  He asked, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her lightly under the cloak.

"Sorry."  She whispered, as they quickly made their way out into the hall.  "It's like being a kid in a candy store… there is just so much, it's hard to decide what to take!"

He laughed a little bit, shaking his head.  "If you say so."

They made their way back up to Gryffindor tower, carefully avoiding everyone on the staff.  The murmured the password to the sleeping Fat Lady and climbed in through the portrait hole.  

Once they were sure the common room was empty, Sirius threw off the invisibility cloak, and wiped the Map.  Hermione pulled out her satchel of stolen ingredients, and grinned.  "Thank you so much, Sirius.  I am going to have so much fun with this stuff."

He snorted.  "You are an odd girl, you know that?"  She hit him playfully on the arm, turning to walk up to bed.  She was halfway up the stairs when he called up to her.  "Hey, if you ever need another pair of hands…"  He shrugged, and smiled at her.

"Thanks Sirius.  Goodnight."  She walked into her room, and fell onto the bed.

Things were becoming complicated.

*****************************************************************

NEW NOTE:  I have modified parts of this chapter!  I was informed that I got the glory, fame, death speech wrong, which I completely attribute to my being sick and delirious, and someone also pointed out that I used the expression "shivers down her spine" a few to many times.  After looking over the chapter I realized that I said that more than four times, all within four paragraphs.  This I also attribute to being delirious with the flu.  So, now it is re written, not that it really matters.  J thanks to my reviewers!!

Note:  I have the Flu, so forgive me if this chapter doesn't make too much sense, because I am kind of delirious.  If you haven't guessed, there is going to be some conflict between Sirius and Severus over Hermione.  Also, if you haven't guessed, I don't like Sirius as a character, and that is going to become more and more apparent through this fic.  Sorry to those who like him.  

Thank you all so much for the reviews, It really makes me happy that so many of you like this!

One request:  Can someone please tell me how to make these Chapters pretty?  I mean, like with the smaller font, italics and all that.  I have yet to figure out how that works, and I would really appreciate it if someone would e-mail me or something to tell me how to do it!  Thanks!


	4. Chapter Three

**_Lost_**

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**Chapter Three**

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Sirius and Hermione walked out of their Herbology class covered in dirt and laughing hysterically.  "I can't believe that you did that, Sirius!"  Hermione said, tears forming at her eyes.  "That was absolutely horrible."

Sirius grinned.  "It's not my fault that someone replaced my mandrake seeds with fireworks."  Hermione gave him a look and he rolled his eyes.  "Okay, maybe it _was my fault… but you have to admit it was funny."_

She flicked a clump of dirt off of his shoulder.  "It was really funny.  I thought Professor Blossom was going to cry."  She sobered for a moment.  "Seriously though, you might want to think of toning down your pranks for a while… you are going to get into trouble."

He snorted.  "Tone down my pranks, sure Mya.  Trouble is what I live for!  Life here would be completely boring without it."

She shook her head and walked into the castle.  "Right, Sirius.  Whatever you say."

They made their way to Gryffindor tower, leaving a trail of dirt behind them.  Hermione looked over her robes in mild disgust.  "I've going to have to take a bath now."  She said, trying to brush some of the dust off.  "It's all your fault."

Sirius shrugged.  "I stand by my actions.  Besides…"  He looked slyly at her, "you needed a shower anyway!  Pee-u!"

"You little…"  She shouted, chasing him down the corridor.  "Come back here!"

"You'll never catch me alive!"  He yelled, throwing himself past a group of first years and into the portrait hole.  She followed him in, and proceeded to chase him around the common room.  They managed to nock over two chairs and a trio of third year girls before they fell to the floor in a heap.

"Get off of me you great git."  She said, shoving him off of her.  He grinned, and rolled over, allowing her to stand up.  "I'm going to go take a long bath."  She pinched her nose, "I think you ought to do the same."

He stood up, smelled himself, then made a face.  "I think you're right.  Hey… meet me down here for dinner, huh?"  He asked, as she made her way up to the dorms.

"Sure.  I'd like that."  She said.  "Just give me an hour or so."  He nodded, and she walked into her dorm, the smile staying on her lips.  She had so much fun with Sirius.

She poked her head into Lily's room, "Hey Lils, do you mind if I use your bathroom?"  She asked.  Being Head Girl Lily got her own bathroom that was much nicer than the ones Hermione had to use.  Lily looked up from the Muggle magazine she was reading and nodded her head.  "Sure Mya.  Password's Scooby Doo."

Hermione laughed.  It was nice to have another Muggle-born around.  "Thanks Lil."  She said before closing the door and making her way to the portrait of a mermaid that guarded the bath.  

She gave the password and stepped inside, feeling relaxed already.  The room was painted in soft pink hues and the air was always warm and inviting.  She slipped out of her dirty robes and filled the giant tub up with pearly white bubbles that smelled of vanilla and honey.  She stepped into the shower first, to get all of the dirt off, then she sank into the tub.

For a while, she just lay there floating and feeling like she was laying on a cloud, her mind blissfully clear of all thoughts.  After a while, though, her mind slid back into focus, and she was plagued with the thoughts she had been trying to avoid for days.  

There was Sirius, for one.  She wasn't sure what was going on there.  She had been spending practically all of her free time with him, and it had been great.  There was something about his personality that brought out an entirely new side of her.  Normally she wasn't one to chase people round the common room, play pranks in class, or be too touchy feely, but around Sirius all of her old habits seemed to change.  Around him, she was able to forget all of the things that were going on around her.  She forgot that she was lost in time, alone and frightened.  He made her feel like a normal seventh year girl.  He brought out the fun side of her, the side she rarely let out, but loved.  They had such a great time together… it should be perfect… but it wasn't.

There was someone on the very opposite of the spectrum.  There was Severus.

While being around Sirius made her feel like there was nothing else in the world, being with Severus made her aware of everything.  Every thought, every sound, every sensation felt like she experiencing it for the first time, when she was with him.  Things became brighter, the world became bigger… everything expanded.  When she talked with him, she opened up parts of her mind that she didn't know existed.  A simple question from him had her thinking in abstract ways, trying to match his intelligence and hunger for knowledge.  The way he looked at her… it was like she was actually being seen, not just as a face, but as a whole person.  When he looked at her he saw her thoughts and her feelings as well as what was outside.  It was like being naked to the world, and surprisingly she found that she liked the feeling.  

Whatever her confusion, it didn't help that the two hated each other.

She dunked her head under the warm water, and blew a few bubbled to break on the surface.  These were, of course, her superficial thoughts, the easy questions to be answered.  No, there were much more insidious things troubling her.  

She was coming to terms with the fact that she was stuck here.  She had talked to Dumbledore and McGonagall several times, and neither had any idea as how to send her back.  She fought the feelings of loss at the thought of not seeing her parents for years to come, for surely they would not believe now that she was their daughter that had not been born, and she mourned for the loss of her friends.  Still, she was finding her way here, fitting in with the Gryffindors and finding that she loved McGonagall like a second mother.  She wasn't worried about her present, at least this aspect of it, she was more worried about the future.

She knew the fates of all of the people around her.  She knew what was coming.  As much as she wanted to run to Lily and James, make them swear not to trust Peter, to tell Dumbledore all about Voldemort, she knew the rules of time travel.  Due to paradox, it didn't matter what she did or who she told, things would unfold the way she remembered them.  There was no changing time.  She had decided with Dumbledore that it was better for her to remain silent with her knowledge.  

It occurred to her now that while she was sure of her friends' futures, she was very unsure of her own.  It seemed strange to her that she had talked with Dumbledore, Severus, Remus, Sirius, and McGonagall many times, but none of them had ever mentioned her journey into the past.  She knew it was the same principal that she was following.  No matter what they told her, it would happen anyway, so it was best not to worry her with knowing.  Still, it made her wonder how her life turned out.  

In her past… their future… all except for one seemed to like her.  It had been obvious that McGonagall favored her among all of the others in her year, and Remus and Sirius had never been anything but wonderful to her.  She rested a little easier at that.  Surely that meant that they were still friends in the future, or at least that they never had a falling out of any kind.  

Again, Severus stood on the opposite end of the spectrum.  He hated her in the future.  She could not remember one even remotely kind thing that he had said to her in her entire time at Hogwarts.  She thought to what he had said earlier, about not understanding how someone could hate her, what could have possibly happened in the coming years that would change his mind?  She knew that he was to become a Death Eater, and not that far into the future.  She wondered with dread if she could possibly have something to do with that.

Hermione sighed, and dunked her head under the water again, trying to cleanse the thoughts from her mind.  It was more than a burden, knowing the future like she did, and it gave her a definite headache to think about it for too long.

With another small sigh, she pulled herself out of the bubbly water. Judging from the wrinkles on her fingers and toes, she had been in the water far too long for her own good.  She walked lightly across the cool tiles and picked up a fluffy pink robe.  Lily was lucky, having all this just for her.  'Of course, she will be dead within three years.'  The thought came in uninvited, and Hermione quickly shook it out.  She would never get through this if she thought like that.

She went to retrieve her dirty robes, and she found that they were now crisp and clean, work of house elves, no doubt.  She gathered them up and headed back to her dorm to change for dinner, feeling cleansed of her thoughts, at least for a while.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius was grinning from ear to ear as he walked into the Great Hall with Hermione on his arm.  She was going on about something… potions or charms… but he wasn't really paying attention.  He just liked the feeling of having her next to him, being able to smell the soap lingering on her hair.  He noticed that there were many eyes on them as they sat down.  Ever since her mysterious arrival she had been quite the topic of conversation, all and all the perfect person to have beside him.  

He glanced at the Slytherin table and saw that Severus was staring at them with a decidedly nasty look in his eye.  'It doesn't hurt that this infuriates Snape.'  He thought, leaning in closer to Hermione just to watch Snape's lip curl in anger.  He turned back to Hermione, who was looking at him expectantly.

"Well?"  She asked, "What do you think?  Should I do it?"

He smiled at her, "Sounds great."  He said, wondering vaguely what she had been talking about.  

"I'm glad you think so."  She took a sip of her pumpkin juice, a pause long enough for him to take over the conversation.

"I'm so pumped about the Quidditch match next week."  He said, waiving to a Hufflepuff sixth year who was crossing the Great Hall.  "It's against Ravenclaw… we're just going to slaughter them."

"Sounds fun, Lily and I will definitely be there to cheer you guys on."  Hermione said, her smile wavering slightly.  Did boys ever tire of talking about Quidditch?

'Guess not.'  She thought, as he went on into details about the other players' team.  Hermione smiled and nodded in all the right places, but she was more than relieved when Lily and James came into the hall, sitting across from her and Sirius.

"Hey Mya," Lily said, sitting down and filling her plate with food.  "How did you enjoy your bath?"

Hermione smiled, "It was wonderful, thank you.  I wish I were Head Girl again."  

Lily tilted her head, "Oh yeah,  I forgot that you were Head Girl at… Sunnydale, right?"

"Yeah…"  She trailed off, moving her peas around her plate in little circles.

Lily noticed her friend's mood slip, and she decided not to let her wallow in it.  "So Mya, have you thought about the Halloween Ball at all?  It's only two weeks away, and we haven't figured out costumes yet."

Hermione brightened at this, "No, I don't know what I want to be yet.  I was thinking maybe some famous heroine from literature… maybe Shakespeare or something."

Lily nodded, clapping her hands a little bit.  "Ooh, we can go as Hermia and Helena from a Midsummer Night's Dream!"

"Yeah… or Greek Goddesses!  We could wear long white togas with gold wreaths…"  Hermione leaned in to her friend, enjoying the empty conversation.

"Oh, that's perfect Mya!  Can I be Aphrodite?"   Lily looked absolutely thrilled with the idea of being the Goddess of Love.

Hermione laughed, "Of course, and I'll be Athena!"  'Who better than the Goddess of Wisdom', she thought.

Lily leaned back a bit and took a sip of her pumpkin juice.  "It's perfect, we can get our costumes tomorrow at Hogsmede."

Hermione bit her lip.  She was supposed to meet Severus tomorrow, and there was no way that she was going to miss it.  "Actually, I wasn't going to go to Hogsmede tomorrow."  She said, trying to be nonchalant.  

At this, Sirius broke out of his conversation with James, looking as if he had been scandalized.  "What do you mean you aren't going to go?  You have to come, it's Hogsmede!"

She shrugged her shoulders.  "I don't know… I just got all those ingredients, and there are tons of potions I want to work on.  Besides," she said, trying desperately hard not to look any of them in the eye, "I kinda wanted the day to myself."

Lily looked at her with a bit of a realization dawning over her.  She gave Hermione a little wink, then said, "That's fine, Mya.  I think you need a day off anyway.  I'll be happy to pick up your costume for you.  You just have to tell me all about your… potions… when I get back."

Hermione threw her a look, and bit extra hard into a carrot.  "Thanks Lils."

"Well," said Sirius, throwing down his napkin, "since you aren't coming tomorrow, that means you have to spend some more time with me tonight."  He took her hand and drew her up from the table.  "Come, fair maiden… our castle awaits!"

"Help!"  Hermione whispered with a laugh as Sirius pulled her up from the table.

James gave her a wicked grin, "You're on your own, kiddo.  Good luck… you'll need it."

"Thanks."  She said dryly as she followed Sirius away from the table.  Suddenly she felt eyes on her back… Severus.  She knew it was him before she even turned around.  She tried not to look, but she had to.  As she left the hall she turned towards Slytherin table to look straight into his eyes.  She gave him a weak smile which he returned, happy that while she was leaving with Sirius, she was watching him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hermione walked slowly towards the library on Saturday morning.  She knew she was early, but for some reason to her, it was important that she be there before Severus arrived.  He unsettled her… if she walked in to face him… it would like be walking into a game.  She wanted this to be on her terms… as much as she could manage.

"You're early."  His voice broke through her thoughts.  He was sitting at the front table, book open in front of him as if he had been there forever.

'Damn.'  She thought to herself before answering.  "You're early too."  Then cursing herself for stating the obvious.

He simply smiled at her and stood up, shrinking the book he was reading and placing it in his pocket.  "Shall we?"  He asked, walking up to pass her on the way to the door.

They walked in comfortable silence down into the dungeons.  Luckily they didn't pass any stray Slytherins in the hallway.  Finally when they had just passed the potions classroom, Severus stopped at what seemed to be an empty wall.  She looked at him, confused.  He smiled.

"See, here at Hogwarts, things aren't exactly what they seem.  Sometimes walls pretend to be doors and…" he tapped his wand to the wall, which shuddered and swung open, "sometimes doors pretend to be walls."

She followed him inside, staring in wonder at the little room as he shut the door tightly behind them.  The room had no windows, but it was lit with many bright candles that hung all over the walls.  There was a large armchair by a fire place, and large lab table to the side.  There were also cabinets and shelves, but they were empty.  She wondered how the room could be abandoned; it looked so well kept up.

He seemed to read her mind.  "The house elves are surprisingly discreet and eager to please.  I mentioned this room to one of them in my first year, and it has been kept up ever since."  He walked around the room lovingly.  "Why don't we get started?"

"Sure."  She said, moving towards the chair.  She looked at it for a second before pointing her wand and saying a few words.  Instantly the chair turned into a small couch.  She looked up at him and smiled.  "I figured we'd both want to sit down."

He nodded and took a seat.  She sat down beside him and pulled out her shrunken copy of the book.  Once she enlarged it she placed it over her lap.  "What kind of potion should we look for?  There are hundreds in here, I think we ought to narrow it down first."

He nodded.  "Well, let's make one that we can test.  Something useful, I mean.  It would be pointless to brew something we had no use for."

"That makes sense."  She said, flipping through a few pages.  

They looked through several chapters of the book, pointing out various potions, and finding various reasons why they shouldn't use them as their first attempt.  Severus seemed keen on making a Polyjuice potion, but Hermione refused.  "I don't think I'll ever be able to do that one again."  She said, with a little shake, "The pain of being a cat is still too fresh in my mind."

An hour and a half later the book lay forgotten on the floor, and the two were sitting deep in argument over various potion theories.

"You shouldn't add a wand into it at all."  Severus said, with disdain.  "It's the purity of the ingredients… the sheer raw natural magic that gives a potion it's power.  Adding wand magic is adding magic that's impure."

Hermione shook her head, and pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ears.  "I understand what you're saying about the natural magic of the ingredients… but you can't underestimate the power of human magic.  Power from wands can lend a powerful magic to potions because human magic is so remarkable.  It is natural magic mixed with consciousness.  It's the act of infusing the potion with your power… it's giving the potion life!"

He looked at her and shook his head.  "That's very Gryffindor of you, the nobility of the spirit adding to the power, but your theory is flawed because people are flawed.  When you add consciousness to a potion you also add intention.  The potion isn't pure anymore.  A powerful potion just exists as it's self, it can be used for things, but the main thing is that it just exists… when you add intention it exists for a _reason and that adds impurity."_

She thought about this for a second.  He had a point.  "Alright… I can agree that when most people make a potion and they use their wands, it can add impure elements into the mix.  Still… there are people who understand the potion.  They want to make it not for some higher purpose, but because they love it, because they want it to exist.  True potions masters become one with the potions… their magic and the natural magic combined.  It may be rare, but when you find someone who is passionate about magic… the magic from the wand is as beautiful and pure as you can imagine."

He didn't respond but simply sat staring at her in disbelief.  It made her nervous, she self consciously smoothed her hair back, and shifted in her seat.  "I know I'm not eloquent, but was my argument really that bad?"

He furrowed his brows and shook his head quickly.  "No… I mean, you were very eloquent… It's just…"  He looked right into her eyes, watching her closely.  "You speak about it with such a passion.  Your eyes flicker with it.  Most people embrace magic as something they have… with you though, magic is something that you **_are."  He kept staring straight at her, like he had uncovered something rare and important._**

She blushed but she couldn't pull away from his eyes.  "I… um…"  She struggled to find something to say, to some how save herself from getting lost in his eyes, in his intensity.  With effort, she turned her face towards the floor, her eyes falling onto the forgotten potions book.  "Hey… we still need to find a potion."

He nodded, not taking his eyes off of her.  She shifted in her seat a bit and summoned the book from the ground.  She started flipping through the pages again, painfully aware of his eyes.  Finally, something in the book caught her eye.  "Look at this."  She said, pointing to the title of the page.  "An invisibility potion, that could come in rather handy."

She felt his eyes move off of her, and she sighed inaudibly.  He ran his fingers over the page.  "It sounds incredibly difficult."  He paused, "It's perfect."

They spent the rest of the afternoon going over the details of the potion.  They became so engrossed in their work that neither noticed that hours had passed.  They were comfortable with each other, bouncing ideas off as if they were both part of the same internal monologue.  By the end they were practically finishing each others sentences.

Finally, Hermione noticed Severus' pocket watch, which had fallen out of his robes.  She picked it up and studied it, letting her fingers run over the shiny white gold.  She opened the clasp and gasped when she saw the time.  "Severus…" she said halfway between amusement and horror, "it's six o'clock."

He looked up at her with a start.  "Are you serious?"  He asked gently taking his watch out of her hands.  "Damn."

She smiled to herself, "If I hadn't noticed your watch, I wouldn't even have thought of it."  She looked up at him with apologetic eyes.  "I really should get back, it's almost time for dinner."

He nodded reluctantly.  "I know."

She stood up and shrunk the book.  He stood up as well and walked her to the door.  "I'm going to stay here a little longer."  He said, motioning to the room.  

"Okay.  Well…" she trailed off, not quite knowing how to draw things to a close.

Severus smiled at her, and lifted her hand to his lips.  "Go find your friends."  He said simply.

Her hand fell slowly back to her side and she smiled.  "Severus…" she started to say something, but stopped short.  Instead she leaned forward and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek before turning and walking out of the door.

Severus sat in the room for a while longer, brow furrowed in thought, and a hand pressed to his cheek.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_Authors Note:   This was my longest chapter yet!  Okay… first off, I just want to let you know that I'm not making Sev go soft here.  My take on the guy is that when he was a kid he was really serious, but didn't yet have that famous sadism.  He was just a lost little boy… in love with his magic, more intelligent than everyone around him, and ambitious to be the best.  I think he felt alone, and hid behind sarcasm and wit.  Then he meets Hermione.  She is everything he wants to be… brilliant, powerful, and loved.  She intrigues him, and he is unable to keep up his façade around her.  However, as we are going to see in chapters coming up, Sev isn't as strong as he thinks he is.  The Dark Side is alluring, and can offer him things he could never find on his own.  _

Well, I could go on and on about the psychology of Sev as a school boy, but I think it's best to let it all unfold in the story.  

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed… I'm so glad that you like my story… I hope you continue to let me know what you think!!


	5. Chapter Four

**Lost**

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**Chapter Four**

Hermione sat down for breakfast feeling pleasantly exhausted.  She had spent the last three nights working with Severus on the invisibility potion, and they were going to meet again in about an hour to work some more.  She poured some pumpkin juice smiling to herself.  She loved spending time in the dungeons, working on the potion.  Severus made surprisingly good company, and she felt that she was learning more from their experimentations than she was in all of her other classes combined.

It had been a rather good week, she reflected as she ate.  Besides her work with Severus she had been spending a lot of time with Sirius just hanging out and kicking back.  She really enjoyed his company as well, feeling closer to him than she did to Harry and Ron.  He defiantly brought out the fun side of her, and she needed that, especially to combat the stresses of working so hard on the potion.

It was funny, she thought, that the two people that she was closest to here were sworn enemies.  

She raised her eyes to look at Severus who was sitting at the Slytherin table immersed in a book.  She had become very close to him in the time they had spent together.  When they were alone, she found herself pouring her heart out, telling him things that she had never told anyone before.  He listened to everything she had to say with an objective ear.  He never coddled her, never smothered her with pity or sympathy.  He merely listened to her, taking in all she had to say.

It worked the other way too.  Severus had a harder time opening up, but little by little he was becoming comfortable telling her everything.  He wasn't likely to start a conversation, but he would answer any question she asked with complete honesty.  Sometimes when she was talking he would get this look of awe on his face, as she described perfectly some emotion that he had never been able to get into words.  

It had gotten to the point between them where he let go of all his defenses around her.  Not that he turned into a fluffy bunny, not by any means.  He was still intense and sullen, and extremely sarcastic about other people.  Hermione didn't mind this; in fact, she had become rather taken with his personality.  It was immensely refreshing to be in the presence of someone so brutally honest.  She never doubted what he said, never wondered what his motives were.  If she wanted to know anything, all she needed to do was ask, and he would tell her.  It was very different from her Gryffindor friends, all of whom kept her guessing.

"What are you thinking about?"  Sirius' voice drew her out of her reverie.  She looked up at him and smiled.  He always seemed to know when she was slipping to deep into her thoughts.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"  She answered slyly, moving over a bit so that he could sit beside her.  

"Yeah, that's why I asked."  He laughed, sitting down and filling his plate with food.

She shook her head and took another piece of toast.  "Well, I'm not telling you."  She said, smiling as he stuck out his bottom lip in a mock pout.  "Are you going to tell me what you guys were up to last night?  I know you didn't get back to the common room till way past midnight."

He winked at her, reaching into his robes.  "We were just out raising hell."  He grinned and placed a small Honeydukes bag in front of her.  "I got you something."

She looked at the bag suspiciously, opening it with caution.  A smile crossed her face as she pulled out a new sugar quill.  "Thanks Sirius.  I wanted a new one of these."  She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek, causing him to go red.

"Glad you like it."  He shifted in his seat a bit, and cleared his throat.  "Actually Mya, there was something I wanted to ask you."

She cocked her head to one side, wondering what he could want to ask her that would get him this flustered.  "Of course, what is it?"

He grinned, blushing deeper, and said quickly, "Well, I was wondering, you know the Halloween Ball is next week, and I know you aren't going with anyone, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go with me."

Hermione threw her arms around his neck, grinning.  "I'd love to, Sirius!  Thank you for asking me."

He beamed at her as she dropped her arms.  "It'll be perfect."

She gave him a last grin before standing up.  "Well, I have some work to do, but I'll see you later today, alright?"

He nodded and turned to James, who had just sat down.  Hermione made her way out of the Great Hall, pausing once to catch Severus' eye.  He gave her the faintest hint of a smile and held up one finger, meaning that they should meet in an hour.  Hermione nodded and smiled back at him.  They were getting closer to completing the potion, and she couldn't wait to finish.

She headed up to Gryffindor tower to get a quick shower in before she met Severus.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Severus lit a fire and sank back into the small couch.  He wasn't supposed to meet Hermione for another half hour, but he found that he couldn't bear to sit in the Great Hall any longer.

Severus had never been a social person, there was no doubt about that, but lately he was slipping farther and farther into solitude.  He detested most of the other students in the school.  He found that he had no tolerance for their lack of intelligence and ambition.  He could tolerate his fellow Slytherins more than he could the rest of the school, but in truth he did not care for them either.  He found their desire for power to be laughable.  Few of them had the ability to achieve any sort of magical superiority short of using the deepest Dark Magic available.  Not that they weren't up to that challenge.

The Dark Arts were rampant in Slytherin house, it seemed that every student had some connection to it.  That included Severus.  He was interested in the Dark Arts not for the power it promised the weak, but simply on an intellectual and scholastic level.  To him it was just more information to be taken in, more knowledge to possess.  He had never practiced any of the Dark Arts, for the simple fact that he knew he would be expelled if it was discovered.  He didn't mind this, though, as he found there was more than enough to learn using light magics.

He rolled his head over his shoulders.  His seeming indifference to the Dark Arts allowed him to remain inconspicuous in Slytherin.  As long as he didn't speak out against it, no one minded if he didn't practice it.  That worked well for Severus.  He was enough like them to so as not to be seen as a threat, different enough to be left alone.  That was the way he liked it.

He had become much more solitary in the past few years.  He found that he preferred the company of books rather than people.  Of course, that didn't include _her._

Hermione Granger.  She was something completely unexpected.  She had come into his life in literally an instant, suddenly appearing out of nowhere as he walked through the dungeons.  Since then, she had never completely left his thoughts.  Ever since she had spoken to him in the infirmary, calling him Professor, she had invaded his mind.  There was something different about her, something he couldn't quite place.  

He smiled at the thought of her.  Mya… he rolled her nickname around in his mind.  She was amazing.  Never had he met another person with the same passion for magic, the same thirst for knowledge.  He relished every moment they spent together, working on the potion, or just sitting and talking.  He watched her during classes, studied the way she moved, the way she thought.  Everything about her pulled at his senses, leaving him open and bare.  He smiled a bit wider, and absent mindedly raised his fingers to the place where she had kissed him on the cheek.

"What are you thinking about?"  He looked up to see her standing a few feet away from him.  He had been so lost in his thoughts, he hadn't even heard her enter.

"You," He answered simply, not wishing to lie to her.

She took a seat next to him, "Oh, good things, I hope."  

He nodded, "Of course."  She smiled at him, and he felt his heart start to race.  Trying to gain control, he stood up and wandered to the table where their potion lay simmering over a small fire.  "It will be ready by next week, if we get this last part right."

She walked over to him and inspected the potion closely.  "It's going to take all day… we have to make sure the potion doesn't stop boiling for at least five hours, once we add the powered unicorn horn."  She looked up at him, "If you don't want to be cooped up in here all day, I don't mind watching it."

"No, I'd rather be in here."  He said, looking through a few bottles that lay on the table, trying to avoid looking her in the eye.

"Me too," she said softly.  He looked up at her in mild surprise.

"Really?"  She nodded.  "Is there trouble in paradise?  I would think that you'd rather be with your loyal lap dog."

She grinned to herself, he didn't know how true that comment was.  "It's not that," she answered him after a minute, "I just like spending time with you, and since this is the only time to do it…"  She shrugged.

He looked up at her with wide eyes.  "You like spending time with me?"

She rolled her eyes, and punched him on the shoulder.  "Are you just figuring that out?  Why else do you think I spend so much time down in this dungeon?"  He just shrugged, eliciting a laugh from her.  "Sev, you are amazing."

They went to work carefully adding the powered unicorn horn.  It was a difficult step, as they had to make sure that the potion kept boiling the whole time, and the powered horn made the temperature drop.  They worked in silence adding the horn, stirring the mixture, and keeping tabs of the temperature.  Finally after an hour of diligent work they flopped onto the couch.

"Now all we have to do is make sure that it keeps boiling."  Hermione pulled her hair out of the bun she had placed it in while working.  She noticed that Severus was staring at her, and she looked at him questioningly, "What?"

He shook his head, though not lowering his eyes from her.  "Nothing."

She smiled, "You're a strange guy, you know that Sev?"  She transfigured a footstool and propped her feet up.  "Are you going to the Halloween Ball?"  She asked, not noticing as he flinched.

"I wasn't planning on it."  His lips curled into a sneer.  "I have no time for such… frivolity."

She opened her eyes and looked at him.  "It's just to have fun, you might want to try that sometime."

He scoffed.  "It isn't my idea of fun.  I have no desire to play dress up."

She shrugged.  "I think it's fun.  It's getting to pretend for one night that you are someone else."

He looked at her seriously.  "That is what I don't understand.  Why you would want to be another person, even just pretending?  Is it that on some level you wish you weren't who you are?"

She shook her head.  "You're reading too much into this, Sev.  It's just a holiday."

"What are you going as?"  He asked, watching her reactions closely.

"I'm going as Athena… the Greek Goddess."  She blushed a little at this.

He sighed a bit dramatically.  "How Gryffindor of you."  She gave him a little glare and he laughed.  "Sorry."

She afforded him a small smile.  "You look way to far into things, Sev.  It's just Halloween.  I'm perfectly happy with the way I am."

He nodded.  "Well, I'm still not going."

She pursed her lips together.  "That's too bad… 'Cause I was going to ask you to save me a dance."

A bit of red painted his cheek, but he answered with his usual sarcasm.  "I'm sure Black would be thrilled to hand you over to me."

She shrugged.  "It isn't his decision to make." 

"He acts like it is."  He said unable to keep the spite out of his voice.  "Bloody idiot… I don't see why you're friends with him, Mya."  She glanced at him, and he threw his hands up in the air.  "I know… I know… he's your best friend and I shouldn't talk about him like that. I'm sorry."

There was silence in the room for a few minutes.  Severus looked away from Hermione, an unreadable look on his face.  She looked at him for a minute, before laying down on the couch, resting her head in his lap.  He looked down at her, startled, but couldn't find a thing to say.

"Don't laugh at me Sev… but you're my best friend."  She shut her eyes, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, telling him that.

He reached out and stroked her hair softly.  "And you're mine."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Where are they?"  Sirius looked impatiently at his pocket watch.  He and James had been waiting in the common room for almost an hour, waiting for the girls to be ready.  The Ball started in about ten minutes, and the boys' hopes for being on time were swiftly going out the window.  

"All their wearing is a toga… how long can it possibly take them?"  James placed his sandal clad feet up on the end of the couch, shutting his eyes.  The boys were dressed as Gods to go with the girls, and it had taken them all of two minutes to get ready.  

Sirius rolled his head on his shoulders.  "I don't know, but I am tempted to just go up there and…"

He was cut off by Hermione's voice, "And what, Sirius?"

The two boys jumped and stood to face the girls who were walking down the stairs.  They were dressed identically in long white togas with golden tassels.  The reason for their delay became obvious as they looked at Hermione.  Her hair had gone from long and frizzy to short ringlets.  Lily looked at the boys and beamed.  "She wasn't going to let me cut it… but I persuaded her.  Don't you love it?"

Hermione blushed a deep red.  "You didn't persuade me, Lil… you ambushed me with a pair of scissors."

Sirius walked over to her and took her hand.  "You look great, Mya."  She smiled at him and they walked towards the portrait hole.

The quartet made their way to the Great Hall with the girls in the lead, giggling madly.  They walked in, jaws dropping to the floor at the sight of the room.  There were Jack-o-Lanterns floating all over the place.  Mist hung around the room, mixing with the candlelight, creating the impression that the room went on forever.  There were couples all over the floor, dancing to music that seemed to come from invisible speakers surrounding the room.  There were many small round tables around the perimeter covered in delicious foods and floating candles.

Hermione pulled on Sirius' hand.  "Come on, let's go dance."

They made their way onto the dance floor, putting their arms around each other and swaying to the music.  Sirius was slowly rubbing her back, holding her as close as he could.  Hermione liked the feeling… but part of her was distracted.  She couldn't get Severus out of her head.  

After the song ended they made their way to one of the tables where Peter and Remus sat laughing over a butterbeer.  "Hey guys."  Hermione said, sitting down next to Remus.  He smiled at her and conjured her a butterbeer.  

"I like your hair, Mya."  He said, giving her curls a friendly muss. 

She grinned.  "Lily attacked me with scissors.  There was nothing I could do."

As she said this, Lily and James returned to the table.  "Complain all you want…"  Lily said, sitting down across from Hermione.  "You know you love it."

James sat down next to Lily and turned to the other guys.  "Hey… Kevin Blair, from Ravenclaw, came as a Quidditch player, and you won't believe what he brought with him… a new Shooting Star!"

The guys' jaws all dropped and they all jumped up, eager to see this new broom.

"Do you mind, Mya?"  Sirius asked Hermione, obviously itching to get across the room.  She laughed.

"Go ahead, it'll give Lily and I time for some girl talk."  Sirius gave her a kiss on the cheek then bolted towards the Ravenclaw prefect, who now had a small army of boys gathered around him.  Hermione glanced at Lily and they both burst into laughter.

Lily got up and moved next to Hermione, who was scanning the crowd.  "Who are you looking for?"  She asked, a mischievous glint in her eye.  

Hermione tried to be nonchalant, "Oh, I just wanted to see if Severus decided to show up or not."

Lily knew about the potions sessions the two were conducting, and had faithfully kept the secret from the Gryffindor boys.  She thought it was good for Severus to be spending time with Hermione, and she didn't want to see him beaten up because of it.  "He told me he wasn't going to show."  She said, taking a sip of butterbeer.  "You know how he hates this kind of stuff."

Hermione nodded.  "I know, I was just hoping…"  She trailed off and shrugged.  Turning to Lily, she bit her lip.  "I just worry about him, Lils.  He is alone all the time.  It isn't good for him."

"I know.  I worry about him too."  She paused, trying her best to frame the next statement in a casual way.  "You ought to go visit him, after the dance.  I  bet he'd like that."

Hermione looked up at her friend.  "He said he wanted to be left alone."  She paused.  "I'll see him after the dance."

Lily grinned.  "Good.  Now, since this is a dance, and our men have left us hanging," she stood up and graciously offered her hand to Hermione, "I would love to have this dance!"

Hermione smiled and the two girls made their way out to the dance floor.  After a while, Sirius and James came back tearing their dates away from each other.  Hermione and Sirius spent the next couple of hours dancing and laughing, definitely feeling as if the rest of the room wasn't there at all.

Towards the end of the dance, Sirius grabbed Hermione's hand and pulled her out of the Great Hall.  They walked along the corridors of the castle in silence, butterflies dancing in both of their stomachs.  Finally Sirius stopped and looked into Hermione's eyes.  She could feel her heart begin to beat quickly, and she took in a deep breath.

Sirius licked his lips, and ran his fingers through her hair.  They leaned forward towards each other, slowly, like a scene from a movie.  It seemed to take hours, but finally their lips met.  They kissed each other deeply, pulled in as close to the other as they could be.  After a minute they broke apart.

They looked at each other and blushed.  'Oh God.'  Hermione thought, trying to keep a smile on her face.  'That was awful.'  She distinctly felt as if she had been kissing her brother, not the kind of feelings that you want.  She looked up at him, and registered the awkwardness on his face.  Clearly, he felt the same way.

"So…" she started lamely, searching for a way to explain the situation.

"Yeah…"  He trailed off nodding to himself.  After a minute he chanced a smile.  "It was bad for me, was it bad for you?"

She broke out into a furious round of giggles.  "Yes!  Oh, Sirius, I'm sorry."

He laughed too.  "Me too.  Friends?"  

She leaned over and gave him a hug.  "Yeah."

They looked at each other for a minute before completely giving in to laughter.  Sirius put his arm around her and they made their way back to the Great Hall.  "Oh well, want another dance anyway?"

Hermione shook her head.  "No, I think I am just going to turn in.  I'm tired."

He nodded and gave her a hug goodnight.  She watched him until he disappeared into the crowd before she turned and walked away.  She had known, before, that there really wasn't anything between her and Sirius.  Sure, she loved being around him, and they had great fun together… but he wasn't who she thought about before she went to sleep.  No, another boy held that title, and she was on her way to see him.

She made her way to the dungeons wondering if he would be there.  She felt as if a huge rock had settled in her stomach but she continued on.  When she reached the door she paused, running her hands over her toga.  'This is stupid.'  She thought, as she adjusted her hair.  'It's only Severus.'  She pushed open the door with a smile on her face.

"Hey Sev, I…"  She trailed off as she saw that the room was empty.  "Oh.  I should have known he wouldn't be here."  She said softly.  She walked over to the cauldron looking at the softly simmering liquid.  It was ready to test, but she wanted to wait for him.  With a sigh she walked back out of the door and to Gryffindor tower.

"Ichabod Crane."  She said to the Fat Lady, who was getting tipsy with her friend Violet.  The portrait swung open and she climbed inside.  The common room was empty, as the rest of the students were still at the dance, and she decided to just go straight to her room.  She opened the door and entered the room, looking over her shoulder with a frown.  'I could have sworn I heard someone behind me.'  She thought, shutting the door with a little shiver.  She went to sit by the window, looking out at the stars.  She felt strangely unfulfilled.  Her mind kept wandering to him… she wondered where he was.

She sighed and looked at her favorite constellation, Orion.  It was Severus' favorite too… just another thing they had in common.  "Severus."  She whispered, placing a hand over the glass.

"Yes?"  A voice whispered into her ear.  She jumped up, and looked around the room, but there was no one there.

"I'm going crazy."  She whispered, sitting back down at the window nervously.  She turned back to the night sky when she felt someone run their fingers through her hair.  Giving a little scream she jumped up again, backing away from the window.  "Who's there?"  She asked, fear rising in her voice.

"Sirius?  Is that you?  Take off the cloak, it really isn't funny."  She swirled around, trying to see where he could be.  A pair of unseen arms wrapped around her waist, and she could feel someone's breath against her neck.

"Guess again."  The voice whispered again into her ear, so low and smooth it made her melt.  She recognized the voice… but in her astonishment at the situation, she couldn't place it.

"I… I don't know."  She said, turning her face so that it faced the direction she guessed the voice was coming from.

"Yes you do."  The voice was closer now, grazing against her skin.

"Severus."  She said, hoping against hope that it was him who stood behind her.  She felt him pull away, moving to stand in front of her.  She felt a hand trace the lines of her cheek and she swallowed hard.  "Severus…"  She said again, whispering, pleading with him to answer.

She could feel his breath against her lips and she closed her eyes.  His fingers traced over her closed eyelids, and she reached up to touch his hand.  "Open your eyes."  His voice washed against her and she slowly lifted her eyes to see him standing in front of her, inches away and breathing deeply.

"How… how did you…"  She trailed off, unable to speak with him standing that close to her.

"The potion… it works, obviously.  I followed you up here."  He snaked his arm around her waist, never taking his eyes off of hers.

Her lips parted, but no words came out.  She was at a total loss, she felt as if she were sinking into his eyes, getting lost and tangled in them.  He reached his other hand out, his fingers lightly running through her hair.  "I didn't plan this."  He said, pulling her closer.  "I was just going to scare you… but when I saw you by the window… I had to touch you."

She shivered as he leaned his head over and whispered, "I want you." She sighed, even though his lips trembled against her ear he seemed far, far away.

"Severus."  Was all she could manage before he pressed his lips against hers with a passion like she had never felt before.

His lips fit perfectly over her own, as if they were made for each other.  He licked her bottom lip slowly and she sighed, letting his tongue into her mouth.  They explored each other, barely breathing, each feeling as if they were drowning in the sensations.  He ran his hands along her body, letting his fingers learn her every curve.  She had her fingers entwined in his hair, running up and down the length of his neck.

He pulled away from her for one breathless moment.  They looked into each others eyes, seeing their desired mirrored back at them.  With a graceful movement he picked her up and carried her to the bed, placing her gently down on the white comforter.  He pulled his eyes away from her for one tortured moment to cast a locking spell on the door.  

He turned back to her marveling at her figure laying before him.  She reached up to stroke his face gently.  He took her hand and slowly kissed every finger.  "Severus."  She whispered again… it was the only thing she seemed to be able to say.  He looked at her for a moment before closing the space between them and kissing her again.

She could feel the weight of him pressing against her body, and she pulled him closer, wanting more.  She needed to feel him against every inch of her.  She reached out and unclasped his robes, wanting to feel his flesh… needing that closeness.

Soon he was almost naked against her, and she thrilled at the feel of his skin under her fingertips.  He seemed to be wanting the same thing, as her toga was soon slipped off of her body.  They explored each other with their hands and eyes, not wanting to break the contact.  Their breathing became labored, and they both knew where things were heading.

"Severus… I can't."  She could barely manage the sentence, her body was rebelling against her mind, trying to overthrow her decision.  

He nodded.  "I know.  Not tonight."  He said, forcing his hands away from her body.  He started to rise, but she pulled him back.

"Stay."  She licked her lips, wondering how he thought she would be able to get through the night without him.  "Stay with me tonight, please."

He looked as if she had handed him the world on a platter.  "Are you sure?"  He asked, barely daring to believe what she had said.

"Yes, please stay."  She said, and he nodded in delight.  They moved to get under the covers of the bed, flicking off the light and lying in the starlight.  They lay entwined in each others arms, neither daring to let go.  

He rubbed her stomach lightly feeling sparks as his fingertips touched her skin.  She placed her hand over his.  Her mind was astonishingly clear.  There was no doubt, no fear… it felt so right to be near him, she praised the gods that he had reached out to touch her.  Another thought crossed her mind, almost brining tears to her eyes.  Never in her life, not even when she had been in her own time, had she felt so at home, so right.  She belonged in his arms, she knew that with every fiber of her soul.

She felt his lips against her neck, and she sighed, shutting her eyes.  "You're divine."  

He pulled her close and whispered softly, "You're mine."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**(A/N)**

_I wasn't going to have them kiss until the next chapter, but Sev had other ideas.  The scene really wrote it's self, it really took on a life of its own.  I am inexperienced at writing scenes like this, and I really hope everyone enjoyed it.  If you didn't, I would really like to know what I could do to make it better.  I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed my story, your comments really inspire me to write more.  I hope that you are still enjoying your selves.  I am going to start the next chapter tomorrow, so it should be up soon.  _

_Please Review and let me know what you think!!!_

_THANK YOU_

_Disclaimer:  I wish I owned HP, but I don't, and I am not making any money from my little story, so please don't sue me!_


	6. Chapter Five

**Lost**

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**Chapter Five**

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Hermione woke up to find the bed cold.  She lay there for a moment, trying to hold on to the memories of the night before.  _I should have known it was too good to be true.  She thought, stretching her arms over her head and opening her eyes.  She stared at the ceiling for a moment before turning to the place where Severus would have been._

She was greeted by the sight of a long stemmed red rose and a note with her name on it.  She smiled and sat up, smelling the rose.  It was a doubly sweet gesture because she knew Severus hated "foolish wand waiving," and he had transfigured this for her anyway.  She took the parchment with her name on it, and opened it slowly, wondering what he had to say.

_Dear Mya,_

_I wish that I could have woken up with you, but I wanted to sneak out before people started getting up.  I need to see you today, meet me after lunch._

_Yours,_

_Severus_

She grinned.  Short and to the point, it was in the typical Severus fashion.  She placed the note back on her pillow and slowly rose out of bed.  She could tell by the light streaming into the room that she had slept late, so she hurried getting dressed.  After throwing on dark blue robes, she headed down the stairs and into the common room, unable to keep the smile off of her face.

"Morning Mya," Lily said to her as she lightly fell into one of the chairs by the fireplace.  "You slept late."

"I know… I had a wonderful nights sleep!"  Hermione grinned at the memory.

"Obviously," James looked up from the game of exploding snap that the boys were playing.  "You're practically glowing."

She shrugged, and Lily laughed.  "You have to tell me your secret."  Hermione looked at Lily slyly but didn't respond.  Lily didn't notice and continued, "Hey, do you think that I could wear your green robes today, Mya?  I've been wanting to borrow them."

"Sure, they're on the chair."  Hermione waived up towards her room, and Lily jumped up.

"Thank you!"  She ran up the stairs and into Hermione's room.  A few moments later she stood at the top of the stairs with a funny smile on her face.  "Oh Mya," She called in her sweetest voice.  "I need to talk to you."

Hermione looked up at her friend, "What is it Lils?"

Lily shook her head.  "Why don't you come up here?"  She looked at Hermione pointedly.  "I just read the most interesting thing, and I wanted to ask you about it."

Suddenly, all of the color drained from Hermione's face.  She looked at Lily with wide eyes and quickly got out of her seat.  "Coming," she said in sort of strangled voice.  She took the steps two at a time and grabbed Lily's arm, pulling her into the room and shutting the door.

Lily looked at her friend with a wide grin.  She waived the note in the air a bit, "I was looking for your robes, when I came across the most fascinating thing.  Care to explain?"

Hermione grabbed the note back from Lily before sinking onto the bed.  "Severus… spent the night.  Here, he spent the night here."

Lily's eyes went wide and she sat down next to Hermione.  "What?  Are you serious?  I want the details!  How did it happen?"  Her eyes went even wider, "Did you sleep with him?"

"No!"  Hermione blushed, "I mean, I slept with him, but I didn't _sleep with him."  Lily laughed at her friend's embarrassment, and Hermione frowned.  "It isn't funny!"_

"Yes, it actually is."  Lily giggled.  "So, come on, tell me everything."

Hermione sighed and filled Lily in on the night before.  "Then, when I woke up this morning he was gone, but he left a rose and that note."

Lily put her hand to her chest.  "How romantic!  What happens now though?"

"I don't know."  Hermione furrowed her brow.  "I mean, I guess I'll go meet him after lunch… but… I don't know."

"Well, I can't say that this all surprises me… but what about Sirius?  I thought you two were…"  Lily gave Hermione a look.

She shook her head.  "No, we kissed last night, but there isn't anything between us."  She paused.  "He'll kill Sev if he finds out though."

Lily nodded.  "Unfortunately, I have to agree.  Any of them would."  She glanced at the door, referring to the Marauders.  "I take it you aren't going to tell them."

"No, defiantly not.  That means you can't tell them either."  Hermione looked at Lily pleadingly.

"Of course not."  Lily gave her friend a hug.  "I'm happy for you though.  I hope things work out."

"Me too."  Hermione said with a sigh.

"Why don't we go down to lunch?"  Lily took Hermione by the hand and pulled her to the door.  "The sooner you eat, the sooner you get to see him."

The two girls left the room, gathered up the boys and made their way to the Great Hall, although Hermione had the distinct feeling that she had left her stomach back in her room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Severus walked into the Great Hall nodding absently to Lucius Malfoy.  The boy had been talking his ear off since breakfast, and Severus had finally tuned him out.  He had much more important things to think about.  Namely, he had to think about Hermione.  He truly hadn't planned on spending the night with her.  He had simply wanted to scare her, just to show her that the potion worked.

He had gotten the idea when she walked into the secret lab, looking for him.  He hadn't expected her to be there, and he was pleasantly surprised that she seemed to be sad that he wasn't around.  Following her had been easy.  She had gone straight to her room, and hadn't met another person on the way.  Once she had gotten to her room, she went to sit by the window.  Just as he was about to jump at her, she sighed his name.  

He couldn't help himself after that.  She had looked so beautiful, framed there in the moonlight, he had to answer her, had to touch her.  It hadn't occurred to him that she might not welcome his caress.  At the time, he didn't even care.  He just needed to be near her.  When she responded to him, saying his name and holding him close; it was like he had fallen into heaven.

Things had elevated quickly, things had almost gotten to the point where he wouldn't have been able to control himself.  She had stopped things, and he had gotten up to leave.  He hadn't counted on what happened next.  She had asked him to stay the night, to sleep, chastely, in each others arms.  He hadn't dared to believe it, his heart had almost stopped when she asked him, but she pulled him close, and they got into bed together.

He lay awake for a long time, not wanting to miss a second of their time together.  He had traced the lines of her body; let his fingers run through her hair.  He had taken in her smell, vanilla and honey, and memorized the way she smiled.  When he finally slept, he dreamt of her, so it was almost as if he hadn't fallen asleep at all.  

It had pained him to leave her in the morning.  She looked so peaceful lying there, that he didn't have the heart to wake her up.  Instead, he transfigured a rose for her, left a note, and slipped silently out of the room.  The walk down to Slytherin had been the longest of his life.  Every step he took made him want to go back, to take her in his arms again. 

No one said anything about his having spent the night away.  That was a perk of being in Slytherin, his housemates not only knew discretion, but they knew to stay out of others' business.   He had fallen into bed, but he couldn't sleep.  He couldn't get her out of his head.  In the end, he had started a discussion with Lucius in hopes of being distracted, but even that didn't work.

They sat down at the table, and Lucius paused to fill his plate with food.  This gave him the opportunity to look around the Great Hall.  Oh, who was he kidding?  This gave him the opportunity to look for _her.  He turned his eyes to the Gryffindor table, and bit his lip to keep down a growl.  _

The Gryffindor seventh years were approaching the table, laughing and causing their usual commotion.  The part that made Severus mad enough to kill was that Hermione, _his Hermione, was literally in the arms of Sirius Black.  He was carrying her, and from the looks of it, she didn't seem to mind.  Black set her down and the two joined the others in conversation.  It made him furious to see the two of them together like that.  He speared a potato violently._

"Is something bothering you, Severus?"  Lucius' voice cut back into Severus' thoughts.  He mumbled something about Black and several ways he would like the boy to die.  Lucius laughed.  "Yes, I think I would have to agree with your sentiment.  I've never been partial to Gryffindors."  He gave Severus a knowing look out of the corner of his eye.  "Although, the girls aren't half bad, in fact, the new girl, Mya, is pretty sweet."  He smiled as Severus gave the reaction he had hoped for, snapping his head up and dropping his fork.  

"Stay away from her, Lucius."  Severus eyed the other boy carefully.  He didn't want Lucius anywhere near her.

Lucius laughed deeply.  "Severus, it seems I have found a chink in your armor."  He smiled; it was not every day one got such emotion from Severus Snape.  "Don't worry; I have my eye on another girl."  He nodded towards a Ravenclaw sixth year named Narcissa.  Besides, I don't think it's my competition you have to worry about."

 They both looked back at the Gryffindor table where Sirius was currently whispering something into Hermione's ear, making her blush.  Severus scowled.  

"If you'll excuse me, Lucius, I seem to have lost my appetite."  He got up from the table and stalked towards the door, pausing only once to cast one last look at a laughing Hermione.

It was just jealousy, he knew that, but it didn't matter.  He couldn't help but feel infuriated.  Seeing her with that ghastly Black was sickening.  Black would never understand a woman like Hermione.  He couldn't appreciate how amazing she was, how intelligent, how beautiful.  It made him furious that the Gryffindor could have so much effect over her, make her smile like she did, and make her blush.

He wandered down to the dungeons with a frown painted on his face.  He wanted to feel the joy of the morning again, not the pain of seeing her with someone else.  

Opening the secret door, he started to feel a little bit better; he always did when he entered his sanctuary.  He sat on the couch that she had transfigured and picked up her book, Most Ponte Potions.  He leafed through the pages absently, looking at the illustrations for various potions.  _At least she spent the night with me and not with Black.  He thought as he fingered the pages._

Just then, the door to the lab opened.  He looked up and he saw Hermione walk through, looking nervous, but smiling.  She walked over and stood near where he was sitting. 

"Thank you for the rose."  She said simply, looking at him with an unwavering stare.

He nodded, wondering why he couldn't speak.  She walked the last few steps and sat beside him, pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she did.  

"I wish you could have stayed longer.  When I woke up, before I found the note, I was afraid that you just didn't want to stick around."  She took her eyes off of him and looked down at the floor, wishing he would say something.  He just sat there, looking at where she had been standing.  Suddenly she got a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.  "Oh."  Her face fell, "Oh, I… I understand.  I won't… I mean I'll just…"  She started to get up, moving to the door.

Realizing what was going on, he jumped up and caught her wrist, making her spin around.  "Mya," he said softly, placing a hand on her cheek.  "I wanted to stay there with you forever."

She smiled, obviously relieved and let him lead her over to the couch.  They sat down, nervously looking at each other.  She spoke first, "So what happens now?"

"I don't know."  He eyed her thoughtfully.  "I hope you don't expect me to hold your hand and run through a field of daisies."

She laughed, pulling him into a hug.  "I cringe at the thought."  He wrapped his arms around her as well, burying himself in her neck and hair.  She stroked his back lightly, "Whatever this is, Sev, I don't want to define it," she paused and added softly, "I just want to be with you."

"And I with you."  He responded, pulling away from her so he could look into her eyes.  They sat like that for a moment, neither daring to move.  Slowly, he leaned in to her, and pressed his lips against hers.  

They sat, entwined in each other, for a long time.  Letting their hands explore and caress as they had the night before.  So close together were they pressed that their hearts began to beat as one, a rhythm for their bodies to dance to.  All thoughts were banished from their minds, their senses taking over.  Every feeling, every smell, the simple taste of one another grew and expanded to encompass them in warmth.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hermione held her nose and swallowed the potion, gagging slightly as she did.  _Its lucky Sev and I are such powerful potion brewers.  She thought, as she placed the empty vial down on the counter.  They had brewed such a strong invisibility potion that they only had to take a dose once a week to keep the spell working.  She thought the spell was much better than using an invisibility cloak, as they could become invisible at will, and didn't have to bother with carrying around a heavy piece of fabric._

Aside from allowing her and Severus to meet without being caught, the potion had many other perks.  Hermione had been spending much more time in the library after hours, never having to worry that she would be caught.  It had also proven useful in avoiding large groups of Slytherins when she was alone.  That had come in handy a few days before.  She had been on her way to the dungeons to discuss a paper with the Potions Master when she had heard a group of male Slytherins coming along the corridor.  She had instantly turned invisible, and was able to pass without incident, something she never would have accomplished had they been able to see her.  A Gryffindor alone in the dungeons was never a good thing.

She turned to the caldron, which was simmering with a new batch of the potion.  They had made a huge supply this time, enough to last them for the rest of the year.  After this batch was finished brewing they were going to start on another complicated potion.  This one was nearly impossible; she doubted seriously that they would be able to pull it off.  If done properly, it would allow them to become animagi without the fuss of years of work.  Of course, doing it this way they had no control over what animals they would become, which was exciting and frightening at the same time.  Hermione couldn't wait to get started.

Moving over to the couch, she picked up a book, flipping through the pages.  She had come here to finish up some homework, but found that she couldn't concentrate at all.  Being here reminded her too much of Severus, and once she started thinking about him, she could go on for hours.

They had been together for three weeks now, although it seemed as if it had only been a day.  They were very careful to keep it a secret, and as of yet, no one except for Lily had any idea.  This suited both of them just fine.  If people found out, they would have to explain the situation, which they couldn't do considering they weren't sure of what the situation was at all.  To put a label on what they had seemed wrong.  Severus could never be someone's boyfriend; the thought of using that word on him was just ridiculous.  

She liked the fact that there was no definition for what they were.  It made her feel as if their relationship were wild and natural, growing on its own course, with nothing to stop it.  It excited her to no end, never knowing what was going to come next.  She nearly died with anticipation every time they were to meet, not knowing how it would turn out, not knowing where the night was heading.  

Still, between all of the excitement and joy, there were still doubts hidden in her head.  She would dream of Severus, only to have him turn into Snape, sadistic and sneering.  They weren't nightmares exactly; they just served as a reminder of what was to come.  No matter how much she wanted time to stop where it was, he would not be this way forever.  Something was going to happen, something that would make him turn to the Dark, to Voldemort.  She couldn't help but shudder at the thought of it.

It made her wonder about her future.  At this moment, she knew she would follow Severus to the ends of the earth, even if that meant she followed him to Voldemort.  It scared her, knowing how easily she could be persuaded.  

She sighed, and rolled her head on her shoulders.  It was too hard to believe that he was really going to turn to the other side.  Like Lily had told her when she had first met Severus, he wasn't nice, but he was a good person.  Severus had a hard, sarcastic personality.  Yet she knew him enough to know that it was only his way of coping with the world.  He wasn't a mean person, just lost, looking for a place where he could be himself.  He was so serious, so brilliant; it was hard for him to fit in with the other kids.  So he put a wall around himself, made it hard for others to get through.  She had gotten through that wall, he had shown her who he really was, and it wasn't an evil person.

She laughed a little, thinking about him.  Three months ago she never would have believed that she could care this much about Snape.  Snape, who hated her, who made her cry…. She could barely believe it herself.  Still, it was true, she cared for this boy, more than she had ever cared about anyone before, and she knew that extended to the man he would grow up to be.  If she saw Snape now, she would throw her arms around him just as she would Severus.  She knew that much.

As much as the future scared her, she felt safe in the present, safer than she had ever felt at 'home.'  Being with Severus was a large part of that.  Sometimes, when she was with him, she couldn't believe how at home she felt.  Late at night, when she would wake up in his arms, she would forget that she was lost in time.  She would hold him close, and feel as if his arms were her true north, her true life.  She had the feeling that he felt the same way… she could tell by the way he smiled in his sleep.

They had gotten into the habit of spending almost every night together.  Since Hermione had her own room it was easy for him to sleep over.  He would sneak out of his dorms almost every night, and she would meet him in front of the Fat Lady at midnight.  It worked perfectly, and since she was able to make herself invisible, no one saw her leave the common room every night.  They just assumed she was in bed.  No one was ever the wiser.

For all the times he had slept over, they had never _slept together.  She wasn't ready for that yet.  He was more understanding then she thought any teenage male could be.  He never pressured her, in fact, just the opposite.  Every time things started getting serious, he would slow down and make sure it was what she wanted.  Hermione shut her eyes, thinking about all the times they had come so close…  She sighed.  She wanted to be with him, completely, she just wanted it to be special, magical.  __Of course, every thing with Sev is magical.  She thought, with a lazy grin.  _

She put the book down, and began to gather up her things.  She had to meet him in twenty minutes, and she didn't want to be late.  She shrunk her bag and placed it in her pockets.  She concentrated and made herself invisible before leaving the room behind.  The walk back up to Gryffindor was always interesting.  She would often walk in on very interesting situations.  It was this way that she had found out that Gregory from Hufflepuff and Anton from Ravenclaw were seeing each other.  She chuckled, that had been a rather interesting discovery.  

The walk to Gryffindor was a long one, she had the feeling of being so close, and yet so far away.  At night the corridors seemed to take a life of their own, twisting and turning in an attempt to tease her, make her farther from her goal.  When she reached the last staircase she started to run, trying to get to him as soon as she could.  Finally she reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.  She looked around to make sure that no one was there, then briefly became visible again, just to show him where she was.  

She felt a strong pair of arms circle around her waist, and she smiled, even though he couldn't see it.  They exchanged one soft kiss before taking each others hands and ascending together to the warmth of her room.

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_(A/N)_

_This chapter is a little shorter than the others have been, sorry.  Not too much action in this one, but I hope you like it anyway!!!!_

_Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed or e-mailed me, I read each and every one, and they really make my day!!  You have no idea how happy I am that people like this!!!_

_Oh, I don't own any of the HP stuff, so no suing me please!_


	7. Chapter Six

**Lost**

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**Chapter Six**

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"No, if you add a dragon's scale, the potion is going to explode.  You can't add chimera skin and dragon's scale, any first year knows that!"  Severus glared across the table at Hermione.  They had been arguing for the past ten minutes about the order in which to put ingredients into the caldron, and by the looks of things they weren't going to come to an agreement any time soon.

Hermione put her hands on her hips.  "I know that, Sev, but you're overlooking the fact that we added the kelpie blood first, that neutralizes the explosive aspect of the chimera skin.  That means that the dragon's scale goes next."

He shook his head.  "No, we need to put the powdered mandrake root in next.  We need it to act as a catalyst for the scale.  It won't work if we put it in second."

She narrowed her eyes, and then broke out into a small grin.  _He'll change his tune in twenty years.  She thought.  __He's the one who taught me about this stuff in the first place.  She smiled at him, and walked around the table.  Giving him a kiss on the neck, she murmured, "Let's not fight."_

He sighed heavily, and shut his eyes.  "We're not fighting.  You're being stubborn."

She bit her lip, and moved her arm as he shut his eyes, slyly dropping the dragon's scale into the potion.  "We're probably going to fight now."

He opened his eyes and looked at her, "Why is that?"

"Because I just added the scale to the potion."  He swirled around and looked at her with a deadly expression.  She tried to look serious, but she couldn't help but break out into a bout of furious giggles.  "Oh, I'm sorry Sev, it's just that expression."

"What?"  He asked, ice dripping from his tone, "Most people would run away scared if I looked at them like this."

She nodded, laughing a bit harder, "Tell me about it!  There was this one time, you looked at me like that, and I swear I couldn't sleep for a week!  I kept having nightmares that you were going to poison me in potions!"  Suddenly her eyes went wide as she noticed the expression on his face.

"I've never given you that look before, and I should think that you would know better than to think I would poison you."  He looked at her searchingly.

She walked around the table, trying to compose herself.  "I'm sorry… sometimes I confuse the past with the future," she said, avoiding his eyes.

"That isn't it.  That was a memory, not a vision.  There is something you aren't telling me."  He watched as she busied herself with the potion.

"You see?  It was the scale that went first.  Now we have to add the mandrake root, and let it boil."  She smiled at him warily.

"Don't ignore me, Mya.  What's going on?"  He crossed the table to stand directly in front of her.

"Nothing," she said softly.  "I just get confused sometimes."  She moved away from him and sat on the sofa, eyes glazed over in thought.

He watched her for minute, emotions running wild in his head.  Parts of him wanted to run over and apologize for upsetting her, praise her for her brilliance, and do anything to put a smile back on her face.  Another part of him wanted to know what the hell was going on.  She had slipped a lot like this lately, talking about things that had never happened.  He knew she was a seer, but part of him didn't believe it.  There were too many things that didn't add up.  Too many times that she got 'confused.'  He knew there was something she wasn't telling him, and it pained him to know that she was purposely keeping it from him.

Finally he resigned him self to go sit beside her.  "I'm sorry," he said evenly, "but I know there is something you aren't telling me.  I won't push you… but, you know you can tell me anything."

"I know," she sighed, and turned to look at him.  "Things are just complicated, okay?  I'll tell you, one day, just… I can't now."

He nodded and she moved to put her arms around him.  He placed one hand on the small of her back, and let his other hand run through her now curly hair.  It still amazed him that she could so easily tame him.  He sighed, pulling her closer to him.  "Alright, I just don't have to like it," he kissed the top of her head softly.

She smiled as she felt the weight of his lips.  She knew that she had been slipping lately, telling him things about her past.  It wasn't like she meant too, it was just that she felt so safe around him, that her guards went down and she let things escape.  It was strange though, part of the reason that she kept slipping was that she was beginning to look back at her past with Snape with fondness.  Memories that used to make her cringe now gave her the warm and fuzzies.  

She leaned her head against his chest, and lost herself in thought.  She could remember dozens of times when Snape had been absolutely awful, his poisonous expressions permanently branded on her mind.  Except, now, she saw those expressions as adorable.  Too see him put on an angry face made her laugh now that she knew she could melt him with a kiss.  She never would have imagined her potions master to be so warm and comforting, but she found that he was.  It seemed out of character the way he loved to hold her, or the way that they slept side by side almost every night.  _Maybe she thought __the older Severus is the one who is out of character._

"What are you thinking about?"  His voice rolled over her, and she looked up to find his endless eyes staring down into hers.

"You," she answered, grinning as she saw the corners of his lips twitch up into a small smile.

"Oh?"  He asked, obviously pleased that he was on her mind.

She ventured a small kiss on his cheek.  "Are you going to come tonight?  You've spent the last three nights in Slytherin."

He thought about it for a moment.  He loved sneaking to her room late at night, falling asleep next to her.  It was comforting, soothing, it gave him the strength to face the rest of the world the next day.  Still, he had to be careful.  He knew that he had roused Lucius Malfoy's attention, something that could prove to be dangerous if it went unchecked.  Lucius had been trying to persuade him over to Voldemort with more intensity as the days went on.  Severus knew the other boy's tactics, and he didn't want Lucius to see Hermione as some sort of leverage that he could use.

He frowned a bit.  "No, I don't think so, not tonight."  He could tell that she was disappointed, but she tried not to show it.

"Alright then," she glanced at his pocket watch.  "I am going to head back to Gryffindor.  They are going to get suspicious if I spend yet another night out of the common room."

She stood up, and he followed her over to the door.  Placing his arms tightly around her waist, he pulled her in close for a kiss.  It made him smile that she still took his breath away.  She pulled away reluctantly, and without a word slipped silently out of the door.

Severus sighed and walked back over to the couch.  He missed her already.  When she was with him, he could feel the tension melt from his body, the worries of the day all became meaningless when she was in his arms.  When she was gone, thought, they all came rushing back.

Severus sighed, knowing where his mind was heading, not knowing how to stop it.  After years of hiding behind his sneer, he had gotten used to introspection, although he still didn't like it.  

He had come to Hogwarts with an already thorough grounding in magic.  The Snape line was an old one, wealthy and powerful, and it only made sense that the only heir of this generation be ahead of the rest.  His father had been in Slytherin before him, and had taught the boy well.  When he was sorted into his house he was already well versed in control, deception, and ambition.  Most of the other members of his house came from almost identical situations.  Slytherins tended to come from the most influential families, well versed in politics, although highly lacking in true intelligence.  Severus was almost an abnormality in his brilliance.  His house mates new better than to taunt him for his abilities, but that did nothing to gain him popularity.  He was mostly left to his own devices, with people appropriately nice to him, but paying him no real attention.  He quickly discovered that he liked it that way.

From the first day of classes, when he found how little the other children truly knew about magic, he had felt a great disdain towards them.  He felt them unworthy of the craft, and only the Slytherins could escape his sneering insults.  He had quickly found enemies in the other houses, mostly ignorant but arrogant males who couldn't stand to be beaten.  That was how the feud began with the Gryffindor quartet.  Severus had found an easy target in the bumbling Peter Pettigrew, and of course when you attacked one, you attacked them all.  

The feud had grown over mutual envy and ill will.  All four of them envied Severus for something.  Peter for his power, Remus for his money, Potter for his intelligence, and Black for his confidence.  Severus envied them for one thing, their friendships.  It all turned out to be highly volatile situation.  

Of course, not all in the school feared or hated Severus, no there were a select few who appreciated his talents.  Namely, Lucius Malfoy.

The Malfoy family had roots deep in the Dark Arts, although, until Voldemort they had kept the appearance of being loyal to the ministry.  Now they were right in the Dark Lord's inner circle, and were his most notorious recruitment agents.  The Snape family was decidedly neutral to the whole situation, and always had been.  Severus' father had told him early on to never declare open support for one side.  He said the Snapes had the sense to keep out of such affairs.  So far, Severus had heeded his father's advice.  He remained strictly indifferent to the whole matter.

Lucius Malfoy meant to change that.  Voldemort knew that the Snape name and fortune would be very powerful allies, if they could be persuaded.  They knew that Severus' father was too set in his ways to change, but he was old, and soon would no longer be the head of the family.  No, the easiest way to the Snapes was through their only child, Severus.  

Lucius had been working on Severus since the beginning of sixth year.  At first, it was a gentle prodding.  A mention of the Dark Lord here, the power it would bring there, nothing too tangible, just the planting of seeds in the mind.  However, once seventh year started, Lucius started to take a more aggressive approach.  He would talk to Severus at every possible chance, buttering him up.  He procured illegal ingredients, knowing his love of potions.  Mysterious books on the dark arts would make their way onto Severus' bed, books that Lucius knew he couldn't resist reading.  It was a very calculated approach.   

Severus knew exactly what Lucius was trying to do, and laughed at his efforts.  He took every ingredient, every book, but remained firm in his disinterest.  He was Slytherin enough to know that there was much more to be gained by not showing support.  He didn't worry about Lucius becoming violent, or handing him an ultimatum.  He knew how valuable he was, and therefore it was his game.  When he chose to turn, if ever, it would be strictly on his terms.  Lucius, of course, realized this, but knew the lure of the power he offered.  It was like an expertly played game of chess.

Severus exhaled deeply.  It had been a simple game, one that he was almost fond of playing, until now.  Now there were complications.  Now there was Hermione.

The comment that Lucius had made that he had found a chink in Severus' armor was not an idle one.  Severus knew the boy had been looking for an in for years, something that could be used to manipulate him more than knowledge.  Hermione was just what Lucius was looking for.  Whether or not she knew it, the girl had an enormous power over Severus.  She had easily slipped past his mountain of defenses and endeared herself to him in a way that no one else had before.  He couldn't afford to let Lucius know that another player had entered the picture.

He knew that Lucius sensed that there was something between them, that much was obvious.  Still, the boy didn't realize how far things had gotten, and Severus intended it to stay that way.  As much as it pained him, he had to make sure not to arouse too much suspicion, and that meant spending more time in the dungeons and less time alone with her.  Of course, he had to be careful with this as well.  He was not known to spend time in the common room, fraternizing with the others, and it would certainly appear to be suspicious to any who were paying attention if he suddenly decided to start making appearances.  It was a very calculated and careful game that he played.

Severus stood and looked at the fire.  The wood had turned to embers, still glowing, with but a few dancing flames.  It was late, and he had stewed in his thoughts far to long.  With a sigh he swept out the door and down the hall, preparing himself to yet again step into the serpent's den.

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"I swear if you don't get off of me right now I am going to hex you into last year!"  Hermione laughed as she squirmed under Sirius and Remus, who were sitting on her and tickling her mercilessly.

"What do you think, Padfoot?  Should we let her up?"  Remus grinned at his friend, after finding a particularly sensitive spot on the bottom of her foot.  

"No, I don't think we should, not until she tells us where she's been."  Sirius had ambushed her the moment she stepped into the common room, demanding to know where she had been.  She had been telling them that she was spending all of her time in the library, but they had gone to surprise her and of course she was not there.  Luckily for her they didn't think to check the Marauders Map until she was already nearing Gryffindor Tower.

"It isn't any of you business Sirius."  She struggled against the boys trying to throw them off.  It was useless as together they were almost three times her weight.

"Oh, but it is, Mya dear," Remus said. "You lied to us, and we want to know the truth."

She thought for a moment before answering.  "If I tell you, will you leave me alone?"

The boys looked at each other for a minute, and stopped her torture.  "Okay.  Where were you?"

She shoved them off of her and stood up, dusting off her robes.  She looked at them for a minute as if they were three year olds.  "Now, really, was that anyway to treat a girl?  For your information I am working as an apprentice to Professor Rickman.  He's letting me work on some more difficult potions.  I'm not supposed to tell anyone though, because students aren't supposed to be doing them."

She held her breath, hoping that they would believe her.  To her relief, the boys rolled their eyes at each other.  "Why couldn't you have at least been doing something _interesting, Mya?"  Sirius said, flopping down on the couch.  "I swear, you are in love with your work."_

She smiled inwardly at how close he was.  "I know, Sirius, but just because _you don't understand doesn't mean that it isn't exciting for me.  Now will you leave me alone about it?"_

Remus yawned and answered for Sirius.  "Yeah, don't worry about it.  Just… if you're going to go off and do something cool, let us know."  He pulled the other boy's arm, and Sirius got to his feet.

"I guess we're going to bed then," they walked over to her and gave her hugs goodnight.  "Don't stay up too late studying, you nearly fell asleep in transfiguration last time you did."  Sirius called to her before he disappeared into the boys' dorm.

She sighed and turned up to the girls' dorms.  The boys just didn't understand her like Severus did.  If she _was doing a special potions project, he would congratulate her for it, not bemoan that it was un-cool.  She was making her way to her room when a small hand caught her by the shoulder.  She spun around to see Lily standing there, a smile on her face._

"A special potions project, I suppose that will do as an explanation."  Her eyes twinkled mischievously.  Hermione pulled her into the room and shut the door behind them.

"Why don't you just announce it to the world, huh?"  Hermione sat on her friend's bed and gave her a glare.  "You're supposed to be keeping my secret."

"Oh, come off of it, Mya.  No one is listening."  She sat opposite Hermione and gave her a grin.

"Yeah, well the walls have ears… mouths too!"  Hermione said stifling a yawn.  

"Well, you better hope they don't have eyes, little missy.  I'm sure they'd go crazy if they watched _your room for one night!"  She threw a pillow at Hermione, who simply took it and placed it under her head as she lay down._

"Funny.  You'd think I get enough teasing from the boys.  I really don't think I need more from you."  She shut her eyes.

Lily laughed.  "You can never do without too much teasing," she lay on the bed next to Hermione.  "How are things going anyway?  You told me he's spent the last few nights tucked safely in his _own bed." _

Hermione sighed.  "Things are good, I guess.  Severus is… his normal self, but," she shrugged, "that's what I love about him."

"You know, the way he acts you would never think he was with someone.  I swear, the closer the two of you get, the more he pulls away," Lily said.

"I know," Hermione said, exhaling deeply.  "He's never been happy before, he doesn't know how to react."

Lily sat up.  "Well, I still think it's a good thing you're together.  At least he can be something good in his life."

Hermione sat up as well.  "Yeah, and I really think he's happy with me," she yawned.  "I'm going to bed Lils; I'll see you in the morning."

She got up and walked into her own room, nearly collapsing onto the four-poster.  She slipped into a nightgown and settled into bed, quickly falling into dreams of Severus lying next to her.

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A week later Hermione lay on her bed, flicking pieces of parchment at Severus' back.  He looked up from the book he was reading with an irate look on his face.  "Did you want something?"

"No," she smiled at him.  "I just thought I would bother you."

"Well, you are succeeding brilliantly."  He turned his attention back to the book in front of him, pretending not to notice as she sighed dramatically.

Hermione stuck her bottom lip out in a mock pout.  "Fine, it's obvious you like that book more than me."  He simply nodded in reply.  She opened her mouth in outrage.  "Well, if that's how you feel about it, maybe I'll go find someone who appreciates me."  He didn't look up.  "Maybe another Slytherin… Lucius Malfoy perhaps?"  

"Yes, I believe he would be accommodating."  He didn't lift his eyes from the book, but the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile.

"You rat!"  She threw a pillow at his head, forcing him to look up.  He raised an eyebrow and shut the book lightly.  "Can't you take your mind off of that book for two minutes?  We've barely seen each other all week, and you're just ignoring me."

He stood up and looked at her, "You're acting like a girl."

Now it was her turn to raise an eyebrow.  "I was under the impression that I was a girl."

"No," he said walking over to her and placing his arms around her waist.  "You're a woman.  A woman who is usually mature enough to leave me alone when I am doing something important."

She cocked her head skeptically, "Always throwing an insult in with a compliment.  I never know what to do with you, Sev."

"Well," he slowly pushed her over to the bed.  "Now that you've completely destroyed my train of thought, I can think of a few things you can do with me."

She licked her lips as he picked her up and placed her on the bed.  His lips met hers and they both sighed at the contact.  He moved to lie next to her, running his hands along the lines of her body.  He pulled her blouse over her head and tossed it to the floor.  She sighed as he began to kiss her stomach, letting his tongue travel in little circles over her bare skin. 

"Now, isn't this better than books?"  She purred as his shirt joined hers on the floor.  He replied by pulling her into a searing kiss, holding her close against his body.  

As they kissed she let her hands run down his chest until they found the button to his pants.  She slid them off of his body before ridding herself of her skirt.  Now nearly naked he covered every inch of her.  The feeling of flesh against flesh was almost too much for him to handle, he let out a low moan, pushing himself against her.

She arched her back, echoing his moan.  She slid her fingers down his back, relishing the feel of the soft skin.  Her teeth grazed his neck, gently biting him in little circles.  She could feel his breathing become labored, could feel the beads of sweat start to form on his brow.  She shifted her weight, forcing him to flip over onto his back.

"Mya…" he sighed as she moved to sit on top of him.  She cut him off, "Shh… just close your eyes."  He obliged her, and she gently kissed each of his lids.  She sat back, slowly tracing the lines of his chest with her fingers.  She loved his form, his muscles hard but lean.  He looked so open, lying under her, a look of pleasure on his face.  It was such a change from his usual demeanor, it made her feel more connected to him then she ever had.  

She bent over, lowering her mouth to his chest.  She gently sucked on his nipples, her tongue running in a slow pattern.  He started to groan, lifting his hands to entwine themselves in her hair.  She slowly moved down his body, planting kisses in a little line.  As she reached his trail, he started to shudder a little bit, his breath coming in quick bursts.  She smiled to herself, loving the fact that she could elicit such a response.  

"Please… Mya…"  He whispered to her, arching to press against her.  He shuddered again as she traced a line with her tongue, and then gently blew over it.

"Shhh…"  She said again, moving lower now.  He lifted his legs as she slid down his boxers, gasping at the sudden air against him.  She sat back and stared at him for a moment.  They had gone this far before, but she still considered herself to be innocent, and the sight of him shocked her every time.  The feeling aroused her greatly.  

Deciding to tease him, she started to lavish attention onto his thighs, licking and running her fingers up and down.  His breathing became more and more labored, and his fingers clutched the sheets desperately.  She noticed his need, and decided not to torment him any longer.  She brought her mouth to his tip, and let her tongue flick over the salty skin.  He started to whimper as she slowly drew his length into her mouth.  

As she worked the most primal form of magic, his hips started to buck against her.  He bit his lip to keep from screaming out her name.  It was more than a sexual experience to him; it was like falling into infinity.  It was like a dream, so beautiful and perfect that he could hardly believe that it was actually happening.  His mind was filled with images of her, stirring the caldron, laughing with her friends, reading a book… they were images he held dear, precious memories that added to the enchantment of the moment.

 As he reached his climax, he started to pant her name.  He wanted to call out that he loved her, as he knew in his heart he did, but the words could not find their way past his lips.  Even in this heaven he was aware of what the words could do.  He would tell her, but at a time when he could look into her eyes.  For now he was content to concentrate on her alone.  

"Mya!"  He arched his back one final time, before collapsing against the bed, a lazy smile on his lips.  He could feel her sit up and snake her way up his body to lie over his chest.  He let his fingers find their way into the soft curls of her hair.  He sighed contentedly and kissed the top of her head.

"Better than books, right?"  She asked, as he pulled her close to him.  He laughed and kissed her head again.

"Most definitely."  He reached down and lifted her chin so that he could look at her in the eye.  "Being with you is better than anything."

She smiled and leaned up to kiss him.  As she did, he took hold of her shoulders and flipped her on to her back.  She looked up at him with a look that was almost maddening in its adorability.  "What are you doing?"  She asked playfully as he started to lavish on her the same treatment he had just enjoyed.

"Well, since I'm in heaven right now, I thought I would bring you along," he whispered seductively before he pulled her into paradise.

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_(A/N)_

_And I thought that the kissing scene was hard to write!!!  I wasn't going to have a sex scene in this chapter, but as I started to write, Die Hard came on, and after seeing Alan Rickman, I knew I had to.  (Did anyone notice that I named the potions master Professor RICKMAN??)  I really nervous about posting this, I want everyone to like it, and I wanted it to be a good part of the story!  I am going to post it, but if people don't like it I'll take it out!  Geez… I am more nervous writing about it than I am doing it!  Craziness._

_On another note, a bunch of you have been asking about what turns Snape to the Death Eaters, and what happens with the Whomping Willow.  All I can say is that these things WILL be addressed, just not for a few chapters.  Oh, and for those of you who aren't sure, Hermione IS going to go back to 'regular' time, she just doesn't think she is.  Don't worry, all will be explained in time.  _

_Anywoo__..__ I hope you all still like this.  I can't thank you all enough for your reviews.  It really means so much to me that you take the time to review on ff. net or by e-mail.  _

_ VenusDeMilo_

_I don't own HP.  Sad, oh so sad._

_\_

_LONGEST CHAPTER EVER_

_4,719 words!_

_Wow._


	8. Chapter Seven

**Lost**

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**Chapter Seven**

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Hermione woke up Christmas morning with a large yawn.  She looked to her right, where Severus lay sleeping, and gave a little grin.  After the night they had spent, it was no wonder that she was still tired.  She rolled her head and propped herself up on her shoulders.  There was a small pile of gifts at the bottom of her bed.  It made her a bit sad to see them, knowing that there would be nothing from her parents, or from Harry and Ron.  

She sighed, and snuggled back up against Severus.  Whenever she felt sad, about being lost here, all she had to do was look at him, touch him, and she felt better.  It certainly helped now.  She would have given up anything for this, waking up beside him.  He stirred slightly, and she could tell that he had woken up.  

"Happy Christmas," he said, running his fingers through her hair.

She smiled and sat up to give him a soft kiss.  "How did you know that I was awake?"

He shrugged.  "I just knew.  How did you sleep?"  

"I slept wonderfully, how about you?"  She rolled out of bed and threw on a long white robe, before throwing open the curtains to let in the light. 

"Alright," he said, stretching his arms over his head.  "I had a really strange dream."

"Oh?"  She looked over at him from across the room.  "What was it about?"

He got out of bed, and looked around for his pants.  "It was really odd.  I was at a Quidditch match, and you set me on fire.  Only you were really young, like ten or something."  He paused to duck his head under the bed, still searching for his pants.  He came up with a satisfied grin, and pulled his newly found pants on.  "What do you think it means?"

Hermione fought back a laugh and shrugged.  "I don't know Sev, sounds pretty random to me."

He nodded, as he wandered around her room, looking for the rest of his clothing.  Finally he sat back on the bed, still wearing only his pants.  "I found my robes… but I can't find my sweater."  He frowned a little bit.  

She sat down next to him, rubbing his chest a little.  "I like you better this way.  It'll turn up."  

"I got a present for you," he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.  "Can I give it to you now?"

She nodded happily.  "I love presents!  I got one for you too."  They got up and retrieved to small packages.  She raised an eyebrow as she saw that he had wrapped her present in Slytherin colors, while she had wrapped his in Gryffindor colors.  

"Open yours first."  He said, handing her the package.  She smiled at him, noticing that a faint blush was painting his cheek.  There was a small card attached to the box, and she opened this first.

_Silently if, out of not knowable_

_Night's utmost nothing, wanders a little guess_

_(Only which is this world) more my life does_

_Not leap than with the mystery of your smile_

_Sings or if (spiraling as luminous_

_They climb oblivion) voices who are dreams,_

_Less into heaven certainly earth swims_

_Than each my deeper death becomes your kiss_

_Losing through you what seemed myself, I find_

_Selves unimaginably mine; beyond_

_Sorrow's own joys and hoping's very fears_

_Yours is the light by which my spirit's born:_

_Yours is the darkness of my soul's return_

_-you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars_

_I love you._

_Severus_

"E.E. Cummings," Hermione whispered as she read the poem.  She had mentioned to him once who her favorite poet was, she was amazed that he remembered.  She finished the poem, and read the last two lines, her mouth opening slightly.  "You love me?"  

She looked up into his face, only to see him frightened, something she had never seen in him before.  Their eyes were locked, as she waited for his response.

He took a deep breath and nodded.  "Yes."  He shut his eyes and smiled, before lifting his face to stare into her eyes again.  "I love you."

She found herself at a loss for what to say.  Something wet rolled down her cheek, and she realized that she had started to cry.  He leaned over and kissed away her tears, and she found herself pulling him into a tight embrace.  "I love you too, Sev.  I really do."

He smiled at her and pulled her in for a kiss.  It was like their first one all over again, full of passion and mystery.  They felt themselves sinking into each other, drowning in the new warmth that had suddenly spread over them.

Suddenly, there was a loud nock at the door, making them jump quickly apart.

"Mya!  Open the door!  It's us!"  Sirius' voice caused a dark flash to go through Severus' eyes.

"Just a second!"  She called, before turning back with a guilty expression.  "Sev, you have to go! I'm so sorry, I wish you could stay."

He nodded grimly, and pulled his robes on.  She handed him his present and gave him a kiss.  "Go open it with the rest of your presents.  I'll meet you later today, alright?"

"Alright," he said grudgingly before shutting his eyes and becoming invisible.  Hermione felt his lips over hers, before losing track of him altogether.  She smoothed out her robe and her hair, and tucked the note from Severus into a drawer before walking calmly to the door.

"Happy Christmas!"  She said as she opened the door, finding five smiling faces in front of her.  Sirius bounded into the room first, grabbing her into a huge hug.  The rest of the Marauders and Lily came in, all holding bundles of presents.  

"We decided to open presents in your room, since it's the only one that is actually clean."  Remus said, dumping his presents onto the floor in front of the chair he sat down in.  "Hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," Hermione smiled.  "I was just about to open presents anyway."

An hour later there was wrapping paper all over the floor, and everyone was admiring their new presents.  Hermione had gotten a book from Remus, a new quill from Peter, chocolates from Sirius, a wizard's chess set from James, and a framed picture of the six of them from Lily.  If her friends had noticed that she hadn't gotten anything from her parents or old friends, they chose not to say anything.  All in all it had gone quite well until Lily had spotted the gift from Severus that she had tried to push out of the way.

"Oh, Mya… you forgot one!"  Lily said, handing her the small silver and green package.  "Open it!"

"Thanks."  Hermione said, taking the package.  She had wanted to open it when she was alone, but she knew that it would raise suspicions if she refused to do it now.

The boys sat up and looked over as she slid off the ribbon and tore through the wrapping.  Inside was a small black velvet box with a silver clasp.  She ran her fingers over it before lightly lifting the lid.  She gasped as she saw what was inside.

It was a beautiful silver necklace with a ruby charm in the shape of a tear.  The ruby seemed to swirl, and she looked closer at the stone, realizing that there was indeed something glistening inside of it.  She recognized what it was, but could hardly believe it.  It was a phoenix tear, suspended in the gem.  Together, the two substances represented passion, and were extremely rare to come by.

"Wow, is that what I think it is?"  Lily leaned over to stare at the necklace, her eyes wide in envy.

"It looks like a necklace."  James said, with a look that showed that he didn't see what the big deal was.

"It's not just any necklace, its ruby and phoenix tears."  Lily looked at Hermione.  

This caught the boys' attentions, and they all got up to look at the charm in Hermione's hand.  "Who is it from?"  Peter asked, picking up the delicate chain to get a closer look.

"I'm guessing it's from who ever this belongs to."  They all turned around to look at Sirius, who was holding up Severus' missing sweater with a grin on his face.

All of the blood drained from Hermione's face.  She looked to Lily for help, but the other girl didn't seem to have any explanation either.  "Who's the guy, Mya, and why haven't you told us about him?"  Sirius looked absolutely thrilled to have caught her in such an embarrassing situation.

"It really isn't any of your business, Sirius."  Hermione said briskly, taking the sweater and necklace back from the boys.  "I'll tell you about him when I'm ready."

He raised his eyebrow.  "Don't be so defensive.  I'm just messing around, you don't have to tell me if you don't want."

She smiled apologetically.  "I'm sorry, I just…" she trailed off, but they all got her point.

"Alright," Lily said, standing up.  "If you boys will excuse us for a few moments, we'll get Mya dressed then we can all go down to breakfast together, okay?"

"Sure," said James, standing up and leading the boys out of the room.  "We'll just leave you to clean up the mess."  With that they ran from her room, holding their presents and laughing madly.

Lily shut the door, and turned to Hermione.  She walked over to the bed, and picked up the sweater.  "You guys are getting sloppy."  She dropped the sweater, and picked up the necklace.  "I'm guessing Severus gave this to you."

Hermione smiled.  "I can't believe it… it's the best present any one has ever gotten me."  She walked to her bureau and opened the drawer, pulling out the card from Severus.  "Read this."

Lily took the card and read it quickly.  "Wow."  

"I know, E.E. Cummings is my favorite poet."  Hermione said, pulling on a black cashmere sweater.  

"That wasn't what I meant, and you know it."  Lily said, throwing her a look.  "He loves you?"

Hermione smiled.  "Yes, and I love him."  

Lily let out a screech and launched herself at her friend.  "Oh, Mya I am so happy for you guys!!"  She paused.  "Wait, what are you doing here then?  Why aren't you off with him?"

"Well, he was here, before you guys burst in on me."  She gave Lily an accusatory look.  "We're going to meet later today."

Hermione charmed her hair and reached out to take the necklace from Lily.  She clasped it around her neck, and could almost feel the heat that it represented.  There was an impatient nock on the door, and the girls hurried out, feeling full of Christmas cheer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Severus walked back towards the dungeons with an impassive face.  He had lived in Slytherin too long to let his guard down.  Still, with the little package clasped in his hands he felt as if he were floating.  _She loves me. The thought kept floating through his mind, twisting and turning to be absorbed into every part of him. _

He walked into the common room, oblivious to the looks he got.  He had been much less careful lately, and it was widely known in his house that he rarely spent the night in his own bed.  He made his way to his dorms, and onto his four-poster, closing the curtains and casting a privacy spell.  He needed to be alone now.  

The look on her face as she had read the card… he would remember it for the rest of his life.  The poem was perfect; he had spent the better part of the last two weeks reading through the muggle poet's work looking for it.  It had been in a beaten up anthology that he had borrowed from a Ravenclaw he was on civil terms with.  His eyes had passed over it as they did the rest of the myriad of poems, but on this one it lingered.  Every line of it seemed to be written by the part of his soul that he couldn't express.  He had written out the lines, carefully and in his best hand, but on the parchment it seemed to be incomplete.  It wasn't planned on his part, adding the last line, telling him that he loved her, but once he had written it, it had all made sense, and he knew he had to give it to her.

She had smiled so sweetly when she recognized the poem, the little lifting of the corners of her mouth, but her expression when she finished was one of wonder.  He had worried for a second that he had made a mistake.  Then she had started to cry, and somehow he knew that it had been the best decision in his life.

_Severus, you're going soft. He thought to himself, shaking his head a little bit.  It was still strange to him, that after seventeen years of complete stoicism that he allowed himself to be indulged with emotions.  To the rest of the world, he was still Severus Snape, snide bastard and Slytherin extraordinaire, but around her he turned into a completely new person, he became whole.  _

He set about to open the large pile of presents that lay on the foot of his bed.  There were many from family, few from friends.  He noted that Lucius had been extravagant, getting him a very illegal Dark Arts books, and several even more illegal ingredients.  _He's actually been useful this time.  He thought as he looked at a bottle of unicorn blood.  He had realized a week into making the animagus potion that they needed the blood, and until now they had no way of procuring it.  Making a mental note to thank Lucius he picked up the last present on his bed, one from his mother.  It made him pause, when he ripped open the wrapping.  He had looked through the pile on Hermione's bed, and he never saw one thing from anyone outside of Hogwarts.  _

_Curiouser__ and Curiouser.__  He thought, picking up the present she had given him.  There were a lot of things about her that just were not adding up lately.  He had his suspicions, but he wasn't going to even think about it until he was sure.  _

He turned his attention to the package, shaking his head at the Gryffindor colors.  Of course, he had done the same thing with her present, wrapping it in his own house colors.  _Great minds think alike.  He slid off the bow, and carefully took off the paper, hands trembling the slightest bit.  A piece of parchment slipped out and he reached to read it first._

_Severus_

_This is for when we are apart, so that you never have to be alone._

_Happy Christmas_

_Hermione_

Short and to the point, how well she knew him.  He looked at the box for some clue as to what lay inside.  There was no insignia, nothing to suggest where she had gotten it.  He took the lid off and looked inside.  There lay a small silver stone, about two inches around.  It was sort of flattened out, with a depression in the center.  He wrinkled his brow, wondering what on earth it was.  He picked it up, and noticed that there was writing on the bottom of the box.  _Place your thumb in the middle.  He shrugged and put his right thumb in the depression.  _

At first, nothing happened, and he was about to put the stone down, when a sudden warmth flowed through the tips of his fingers.  Then, the traces of a melody crept into his mind, as if the music was playing inside of his head.  The melody grew stronger, and suddenly a voice began to sing.  He knew immediately that it was her, although she had never sang to him before.  He closed his eyes and listened to the words, feeling as if he were floating.

_All through the night_

_I'll be watching over you._

_And all through the night_

_I'll be standing over you._

_And through bad dreams_

_I'll be right there baby telling you_

_Everything is going to be alright._

_And when you cry _

_I'll be there baby telling you _

_You were never anything less than beautiful_

_So don't you worry_

_I'm your angel standing by_

The music faded away, but he kept his thumb rooted to the spot.  After a few seconds the melody started again, and he listened to the song again before moving his thumb away.  He had never heard her sing before, but now it was all he wanted to hear.  He smiled, it was absolutely perfect.

He undid the spells on his bed and threw back the curtains.  He placed the stone in the box and put it on his nightstand before making his way to the bathroom.  Luckily there was no one else around, and he took a long, hot shower in peace, subconsciously humming the tune to her song.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I just don't like it, Remus," Sirius said, walking down the hall to their transfiguration class.  "I don't like that she's keeping secrets from me."  It had been three weeks since Sirius had discovered Severus' sweater in Hermione's room, and it was becoming somewhat of an obsession to him.

"I don't know, man, maybe she's just embarrassed."  Remus, along with the other Marauders, had tried to talk some sort of sense into Sirius, tried to get him to leave Hermione alone about the whole thing.  Sirius, of course, could not be distracted.

"She should tell me!  I'm supposed to be her best friend."  He cast a sideways glance at his friend.  "You know, it would be really easy to find out who he was… I mean, just a glance at the map and…"

Remus cut him off quickly.  "No way, she'd never forgive you for that.  You know that isn't what the map is for."

"I know.  I just wish she'd tell me who it is."  He slumped into one of the chairs.  "Maybe it is Greg Holland from Hufflepuff?"

"I don't think so, last I heard he was after that sixth year from Slytherin."  Remus sank down into the chair next to Sirius.  "Don't dwell on it, she'll tell you when she's ready."

"You ought to listen to Remus, Sirius."  Lily smiled at sat down in front of the boys.  "Did you ever think that maybe she has a _reason for not saying anything?  You aren't exactly the most accepting guy, you know."_

Sirius shrugged, and turned to the door as he heard Hermione's voice approaching.  He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it quickly when he saw who she was talking to.  Severus Snape.  He shook his head at her as she parted from Snape and came to sit beside Lily.

"I don't get why you hang out with that greasy git, Mya."  He said shooting daggers at the other boy.  Severus sat down next to Lucius and the two lowered their heads, talking and smirking about something.

"Don't even go there, Sirius."  Hermione said, pulling out her books and going through her notes.  "He's my friend, and I want you to leave him alone."

"He's up to something, I can tell.  Just look at the way he's talking to Malfoy."  He frowned.  "I don't like that you hang out with him."

"Yeah, well, he doesn't like it that I hang out with you, so that makes it all even."  Hermione had gotten used to this sort of behavior from Sirius and hardly even bothered to think about it anymore.  "Just drop it, okay?"

"Fine," Sirius grumbled as McGonagall walked into the classroom.  She gave an affectionate smile to her Gryffindors before launching into a lecture on how to turn a needle into a horse.  Sirius sat back and pretended to take notes, but found that his mind kept wandering.  He looked around the room at the other students, wondering how on earth they managed to keep their minds on their work.  _All except one.  He thought, narrowing his eyes.  He had noticed that Snape kept looking sideways at Hermione, and kept playing with a little silver disk looking thing._

He hated Snape more than anyone else he had ever known.  There was just something about the boy that rubbed him the complete wrong way.  Snape was a Slytherin, which automatically made him the enemy, and besides that he was arrogant, snide, rude as all hell, and always acted so superior.  Sirius hated the boy with every fiber of his being.  The fact that Hermione seemed to be such good friends with him only made it worse.  They were always talking in the halls, or studying together in the library.  

Sirius glared, wondering if he would be able to get away with hexing the boy from across the room.  He decided that this was a wonderful thing to think about, and spent the rest of the class silently imagining the other boy's demise.  Finally McGonagall gave them their homework and turned them lose for the rest of the day.  

"I've got to say to talk to McGonagall for a minute."  Hermione said to Sirius as she packed up her things.  "I'll meet you up at dinner."

"Sure," he said, giving her a little kiss on the cheek before he walked back to the rest of his friends.  He caught up with Remus, who was waiting for Lily to tie her shoe.  "I really wish that she would tell me."  He said, for what seemed to Remus to be the billionth time that day.

"And we all wish you would shut up about it, Sirius.  She'll tell you when she is good and ready."  Remus shook his head and helped Lily to her feet.

A sarcastic voice cut loudly through the noise, and they all turned to see Severus laughing about something with Lucius.  The only thing that Sirius hated more than Severus was Severus talking to Lucius.  He glared at the other boys, and then paused, noticing that Severus was holding the stupid silver disk again.  He walked over and grabbed it out of the other boy's hand.

"What's this, Snape?"  Sirius threw the object up in the air a few times, grinning at the angry look on Severus' face.

"Give that here, Black."  Severus narrowed his eyes and took out his wand.  Lucius, sensing a fight, drew his as well and leered at the Gryffindors.

"No, I think I'll keep it… what ever it is.  Knowing you Slytherins, it's probably something illegal."  He waved the silver in front of Severus' eyes, and laughed loudly.

Severus sneered.  "If you knew what that really was, your head would explode."  He paused, "Now, that's a good idea."  He pointed his wand at Sirius' throat.

Sirius pulled out his wand and pointed it back.  The boys opened their mouths at the same time, preparing to hex the other with everything they had.  Suddenly, Severus stopped dead, putting his wand down and looking at something across the hallway.  Sirius decided to take advantage of this and yellow sparks shot out of his wand hitting Severus square in the chest and knocking him down to the floor.  A large grin spread over his face, and he was about to gloat over his victory when a very angry voice forced him to turn his head.

"What the hell is going on?"  Hermione was jogging down the hallway looking at Sirius with something like horror.  "What did you do?"

"He was going to hex me too… I just did it faster."  Sirius looked to Remus and Lily for help, but neither offered anything.

"He was going to hex you when he had his wand down?  I don't think so, that was low, Sirius."  Hermione knelt down next to Severus who was now writhing in pain and covered in large yellow boils.  She looked up at Lucius, who was casting evil looks at Sirius.  "Help me get him to the hospital wing, okay?"  The two helped Severus to his feet, and set off down the hall towards the infirmary.  

Sirius walked up behind Hermione, a guilty look on his face.  "Mya, I…"

"You've done enough."  She snapped at him, turning around to look at him.  Her eyes narrowed as she saw that he still held Severus' present.  She reached out a hand and snatched it away, putting it inside of her robes.  "I'll talk to you later."

With that she and Lucius started their walk once again, mumbling something to each other as they walked.  Sirius stood with a dumbfounded look on his face, as if the previous events hadn't quite registered with him.  He turned around to look at Lily and Remus, who were standing together trying very hard not to laugh.

"It's not funny."  He growled, as they turned around towards Gryffindor tower.  

"Sirius, if you swallowed your pride, you'd drown."  Lily laughed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_(A/N)_

_They love each other! _

_First off, the poem belongs to the amazing E.E. Cummings, and the song is by Jewel, it's called Angel Standing By.  I think.  There is also a quote from __Alice__ in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol.  And… I think I used something else, but I can't remember and I am too lazy to go look through the chapter.  _

_I was reading my E.E. Cummings book, and I read the poem, and I thought it was perfect for the story.  "Losing through you what seemed myself, I find selves unimaginably mine" how true is that for the story!  _

_I don't really like the last scene, but it is kind of important, because I am trying to establish how much Sirius really hates Sev.  Stupid Sirius._

_Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed.  I read each and every one of them (usually twice) and they all mean so much to me._

_Hope you are all still enjoying the story, I will try to have the next chapter out as soon as possible!!!_

_Venus De Milo_

_I don't own HP, although I really wish I did… think she might give it to me??_


	9. Chapter Eight

**Lost**

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**Chapter Eight**

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"Are you ready?"  Hermione looked at Severus with big eyes.  Their animagus potion was finally ready to be tested, and she was more than nervous about it.  They had been very meticulous in their preparations, but there was always a chance that something could go wrong.  Hermione was having second thoughts about taking the potion, remembering how awful it had been to be stuck as a cat for part of her second year, and she couldn't imagine what would happen if she got stuck as an animal for the rest of her life.  Although that was rare, it had happened before, in fact the cat that worked with Filch, Mrs. Norris, was previously a witch whose animagi potion had gone wrong.

"I… think so.  Are you sure about this Sev?"  She tensely fingered the small potion vial that held the black liquid.  That was unsettling as well, it was hard to believe that something so sinister looking was not poison.

He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.  "The potion is perfect, but you don't have to do it if you don't want to." 

She straightened her shoulders, and took a deep breath.  "No, I want to do this."  She smiled at him, warily.  "Promise to still love me if I end up as a slug or something?"

"I highly doubt you would be a slug," he said, with distaste, "but yes, I will love you no matter what you are."

She seemed to accept that and held up the vial as if it were a champagne flute.  "Cheers, then."  He clinked his vial with hers, and then they drank down the black liquid, making a face as it passed their tongues.  

They stood unmoving for a moment, waiting for something to happen.  However, other than the foul taste in their mouths, there was nothing.  After a minute, she turned to him with slightly relieved eyes, parting her lips to say something.  Instead of words, her voice came out as a scream as searing pain began to rip through her.  Severus ran to her side, as she doubled up onto the floor, but there was little he could do as the pain hit him as well.

They writhed on the floor, eyes closed and muscles clenched.  Somehow she had found his hand, and clamped onto it, although neither knew whose comfort it was for.  Her pain abated first, and she opened her eyes to see him still in pain.  She pulled him into her lap and smoothed out his hair.  After a few moments, his shuddering stopped and his breath became regular again.  He looked up at her with a guilty expression.  "I guess I was wrong, the potion isn't right."

She was about to answer him, when a strange floating sensation filled her senses.  It seemed to have hit him too, because he pulled away from her with an expression that she was sure that they shared.  They stood up again, and looked at each other, not able to speak, or really do anything except stand and breathe.

Hermione shut her eyes and the floating sensation intensified; she felt her body start to shake and shift.  It felt as if she was shrinking, almost like folding into herself, and it was actually very pleasant.  She sighed as the feeling started to leave her, and she opened her eyes.  _Strange she thought __I don't remember falling down.  She was close to the floor, at the height she would be if she were on her hands and knees.  Her brain was still fuzzy from the floating feeling, but things started to come into greater focus, and she realized that there was something wrong with her body… it wasn't her body anymore._

Severus was going through much of the same thing as Hermione, except he realized what was going on.  The potion had worked.  He opened his eyes, realizing that his body had changed.  He tensed his muscles slowly, trying to get an image in his mind of what he looked like.  He realized that he was small, with four legs, and he had a tail.  _Not much to go on, but at least I'm not a snake he thought.  He had decided that it would be much too cliché if he turned into his house animal, mostly impractical as well.  He turned to his left, where he could hear Hermione's breathing.  His small furry mouth dropped open as he saw what was in front of him._

She had turned into a small black panther.  She was only about three feet high, small for a panther, but larger than his form was.  Her eyes were black as well, and he idly wondered if that had something to do with the potion.  Something caught his interest though, and he smiled to himself inside.  She was all black, except for one distinct marking on her neck, a small patch of blood red fur, in the shape of a tear.  

She still seemed to be in a daze, and he forced his small legs to walk over to her, so that he could nuzzle against her.  It snapped her back to reality, and she looked down at him, cocking her head to one side.  

He was small, and just as black as she was.  It took her a minute to figure out what animal he was, but if she could have laughed, she would have.  He was a fox, a small, sleek, fox.  It suited him perfectly.  She looked at him carefully, but she could find no marks on him.  He seemed to be completely black, practically absorbing all the light that was around him.

Nipping him playfully on the ear, she motioned with her head that he should follow her to the mirror that they had set up against the wall.  They stood in front of it for a long time, looking themselves over in the mirror.  Hermione decided to become human again first, although it took her a minute to manage it.  She picked up the fox Severus in her arms, and sat on the couch petting him idly.  

He wormed out of her arms, and willed himself to become human again.  "I told you the potion was perfect."  He said casually, as if they had not just become illegal animagi.

Yawning, she moved to put her head in his lap.  "I feel all fuzzy… drunk almost."

"I feel it too, must be the after affects of the potion."  He paused, as he stroked her hair.  He had been trying to figure out her past since she had arrived, but every time he tried to talk to her about it, she closed off.  Now he was in a situation where she would be likely to tell him anything.  The Slytherin in him took over, and he tried to think of how best to open the subject.

She fingered the little ruby around her neck and she sighed.  "I love it, you know.  It's the best present I have ever gotten."  She smiled.  "Of course, my Most Ponte Potions comes close… although I don't know if you would count that as a present."

He raised an eyebrow… perhaps this could be an in.  "Oh?  Why is that?"

"Well, it was Ron's idea, really.  He knew how much I loved the book, I was always sneaking into the library to read it, so he staged this whole thing where he accidentally destroyed the book.  Only he didn't really destroy it, he just gave it to me."  She paused.  "I feel a little guilty about it, stealing it and all, but lord knows that Madam Pince can always order another copy."  She yawned.

He tried to act like this was just a normal conversation, but the wheels in his mind were in overdrive.  _Madam Pince?  She had now shut her eyes, and he could tell that she was drifting off into sleep.  He was beginning to understand… but he wanted to be sure, he had to ask more questions.  He tried to act like he was remembering something she had told him.  "Oh, what house was Ron in again?"_

She smiled a little, "Gryffindor."

Suddenly, he had an idea, a crazy idea, something that even most wizards wouldn't believe.  He could tell that she was almost asleep, and that he had time for only one more question.  Still stroking her hair he asked her softly, "Mya, what year were you born?"

His eyes went wide as she yawned and sleepily murmured, "1981."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hermione sat on the edge of her bed, biting her lip nervously.  It was almost midnight, Severus would be coming soon.  She hadn't spoken to him since the animagus potion.  She had woken up alone in the little room, with no sign that he had even been there.  He hadn't come to her room that night, nor spoken to her in classes the next day.  She had tried to go up and say something to him at dinner that night, but he walked away before she could get there.  So it had gone for the next four days.

Then, this morning he had sent her an owl at breakfast, a short note saying that they needed to talk, and he would be in her room at midnight.  She had tucked the note away in her robes, trying hard not to start crying at the table.  He had never been this cold to her before, and she was beginning to think that he wanted out of their relationship.

She sighed and started to pace the room.  She honestly didn't know what she was going to do.  Part of her wanted to run from the room to avoid whatever it was he wanted to tell her, to just pretend that things were perfect between them.  Still, she couldn't run away, she needed to find out what had made her lover so loath to be around her.

The door opened slightly then closed again.  She could feel his presence in the room.  She could tell exactly where he was, although she could not see him.  She took a deep breath and tried to casually cast her usual silencing and locking spells over her dorm.  As she finished the last spell, her lip started to tremble, and she knew that if he didn't speak soon, she would start to cry.

Moving to sit on the bed, she felt him move to the other side of the room.  Not a good sign.  A few minutes of silence went by before it started to drive her mad.  She had to know what was wrong between them.  "Sev, talk to me… what's going on?"  Her voice broke slightly as she finished, but she willed herself not to cry.

He became visible, his face unreadable.  He was sitting on the chair across the room, just looking at her.  "You lied to me."

"What?"  She was confused now.  She had never lied to him about anything, unless you counted the fact that she was lost in this time, but surely he couldn't know about that.

"You know what I am talking about, Mya."  He shook his head.  "I knew there was something you were hiding from me, from the moment you showed up here.  I knew that you were lying about something, how you got here, where you came from, but in times like these I figured that you were running from something, and decided to leave you alone about it."  He paused.  "Then, we became friends, and I hoped that you would tell me… but I only got more questions instead of answers.  Little things that didn't add up… I knew there was something, but I couldn't put my finger on it."

He got up now, apparently unable to get sit still anymore.  He paced around the room, almost oblivious to the fact that she was there; he seemed to be talking more to himself than to her.  "Then, I fell in love with you.  I hoped that maybe that would make you see that you could be honest with me, to share whatever it was that had happened to you.  Again, I only found more questions.  Slip-ups you would make, about the future.  You would claim it was just your sight, that you would get confused… but it wasn't the future you were seeing, it was the past, your memories."

He contented himself to sit again, falling back into the chair, looking tired.  "I'm ashamed to admit that I went behind your back.  I suppose that I could blame it on the Slytherin in me, but it was more because I couldn't face accusing you of something.  I got the records of Sunnydale Academy, and there was no record of a Hermione Granger ever going there, in fact there was no one with the surname Granger or the first name Hermione ever.  Then, I broke into the Hogwarts records, to check your file, and to my surprise there was nothing, only your current information about classes.  There was no address, no parents, no record of your ever having existed before that night I found you."

Hermione's eyes were wide, she was torn with a mix of emotions, angry that he had snooped into her life, worried that he would reveal her secret, happy that she didn't have to lie to him anymore, and scared to death that this would be the end of them.  She opened her mouth to speak, but no words could come out.  He didn't seem to notice, and continued on in his monologue.

"I started to get an idea, a crazy idea that could not possibly be true.  It would explain everything, put all the pieces into place… but I couldn't be sure.  Then, on the night we made the potion, you let your guard down.  For the first time you completely let your guard down.  You probably don't even remember, but I do.  You proved my insane theory to be correct when I asked you one innocent little question.  The year you were born."

He looked at the horror on her face, and he knew that he was right.  He shook his head.  "How?  How is it possible that you are sitting here with me, when you won't be born for another three years?"

She placed her hands over her eyes and gave a little groan.  "I was in my seventh year, here at Hogwarts.  I had been given a time turner, in order to take more courses in school.  The night you found me, I was leaving the dungeons after a detention, and I fell down the stairs.  The hourglass must have turned over and over as I fell, and finally flew from my neck as I landed.  As a result, I got sent back twenty years, I got sent here."

"Time turners can only send you back a few hours."  He said, not wanting to believe what she had said, even though he knew it was true.

"I used one made twenty years from now, they can do a lot more than the ones here."  She bit her lip; they were now avoiding an inevitable conversation.

"Why did you lie to me?"  He asked, knowing that he didn't really deserve an answer.

"I didn't want to, you have to believe that."  She clutched her knees under her chin, but her stare didn't waiver from his face.  "It was too complicated, Dumbledore told me not to tell anyone."

He looked at her searchingly, by now he could always read her emotions, she was holding back.  "There's more.  Tell me all of it, don't lie to me again."

"I know you… I mean, I knew you."  Her brow furrowed and she started to cry.  "You hated me."

He couldn't stand to see her cry.  He walked over to the bed, and sat with his arms encircling her.  "I could never hate you, you know that."

"But you did.  You were my professor, and you were awful to me, from the very first day.  You made me cry more times than I can count."  She buried her face in her knees, rocking slightly.

"Mya," he pulled her face up so that she was looking him in the eye.  "I could never, ever, hate you.  I don't know why I acted… or will act… that way, but I can promise you that I will never stop loving you, I will never hate you."

"Really?"  She sniffled, giving him a small smile.

"I promise."  He opened his arms to pull her into a hug, feeling a large weight lifting off of his shoulders.  "I'm sorry that I got mad at you… I was just upset that you were keeping things from me."

"I forgive you, do you forgive me?"  She asked, putting her head on his chest.

"Of course," he pulled her down, so that they were lying next to each other.  "I love you."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Severus sat on the bed, watching as Hermione finished her Charms essay.  He found that he spent more time watching her lately; almost as if he was afraid she was going to disappear.  He could still barely believe all that he had found out about her.  It seemed absurd that the girl sitting in front of him hadn't even technically been born yet.  They had talked about it several times since he had confronted her, and through their discussions he had learned that he would grow up to be Potions Master at Hogwarts.  He had never thought about teaching before, which made sense considering that he didn't like to be around many people, but somehow it seemed like a perfect thing for him to do.  

There were thing about his future self that she refused to tell him.  That had annoyed him at first, but then he realized how uncomfortable it made her, and decided to leave well enough alone.  All in all it had been a blessing for him to have found out.  She had nothing to hide from him anymore, and it brought them closer together.

She sighed, brining him back to reality.  He watched as she threw her quill down, rolling her head tiredly.  With a swift and silent movement he was standing behind her, hands on her shoulders.  As he rubbed her tense muscles she closed her eyes and grinned widely.  "Thank you, I needed that."

"I can tell."  He kissed the top of her head lightly.  "You work too hard."

She gave a derisive sort.  "You're one to talk."  He pinched her in response.  "Hey!  Play nice!"

"Play nice… like this?"  He leaned down and started kissing her neck, making her sigh just the slightest bit.  

He pulled away, grinning at her indignant "Don't stop!"  He pulled her up from the chair and over to the bed.  He sat down and pulled her into his lap, his arms circling tightly around her back.  They sat for a long time, holding each other close.  Hermione pulled away for a second mumbling a charm that put out the candles, leaving them bathed only in moonlight.

Severus watched as she pulled away from him, feeling as he always did when she was near, like he was floating in a dream.  He picked her up slowly and turned around, placing her lightly on the bed.  She looked up at him with big eyes, watching his every move.  He sat over her and silently started unbuttoning her robes.  It was a slow process, and after what seemed like hours he slipped it from her body.  He started next on her clothes, but this time he could not force himself to move so languidly, he took them off with haste and threw them into a pile on the floor.  

He gasped as he turned back to look at her.  Her hair was spread behind her head in a way that was reminiscent of a halo.  The moonlight reflected off of her skin making it glow.  It was all wonderfully ethereal; she looked as if she were an angel dropped directly from heaven.  He traced the lines of her body with his eyes, taking in every bit of her.  The way her chest rose slightly with every breath, the little freckles that dotted her shoulders.  

She lay there, silently, looking up at him with her beautiful brown eyes.  He loved how she seemed to know what he needed.  He let his fingers trace lazy circles over her body intent on touching every inch of her.  She would shiver every so often making him feel ravenous with want of her.  Suddenly, he needed more, needed to feel his to feel his skin on hers.  Shedding his clothes, he covered her body with his, sinking into her skin.

His lips traveled along the curves of her body, tasting the sweetness of her flesh.  Her sighs became moans as he moved down, her hands gripping at the sheets.  Every whisper, every breath of hers made him drunk with desire.  All he could think of was her, she invaded his senses, took over his mind and his soul.  Slowly he moved back up her body, wanting to kiss her, to tangle his hands in her hair.  

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close to her.  He had to force himself to shut his eyes, not wanting to lose the sight of her.  Her body was moving beneath him making it harder and harder for him to lie still on top of her.  He kissed her for as long as he could before he felt like was going to explode.  He lifted himself up on his elbows, looking into her eyes.

They looked at each other with such intensity that it took his breath away.  The love that he felt for her, this glorious creature lying beneath him, coursed through his veins like fire, igniting every part of him.  He wanted to be with her, to be a part of her, he wanted to do what they had always been careful to avoid.  He moved himself so that there could be no mistaking what he needed.  Her eyes locked with his, and she nodded in silent agreement.  She needed him every bit as much as he needed her.

His breath became ragged as he lowered himself into her.  He went slowly, not wanting to hurt her, aware that she was biting her lip.  She pulled him closer, and they both gasped as their bodies joined together.

It was the most amazing thing he had ever felt.  In that moment, they became one person, one life, one passion.  They moved together their bodies aligned and trembling.  It took his breath away, never had he felt so connected to another person, and never had he felt so loved.  It was love, being with her.  Love made physical.  

The rhythm of their moving bodies created a symphony of delight and wonder.  Her moans and sighs creating a heavy harmony to his growls.  Even the way she breathed became music to his ears, and he tried to quiet himself so that he could hear every sound that she made.

The heat started to take over his senses, and he began moving faster and harder against her body.  He felt that he had transcended into heaven, that no place could be more perfect than in her arms.  Not able to contain himself, he began to cry out her name, the only word that was inside of his head.  He pulled her close to him, knowing that he didn't have much time left, but not wanting to part from her.  He heat, the friction, the melody… it engulfed him, pulled him to a height he never dreamed of reaching.  

Then, the world exploded.  There were no words to describe how he felt.  The immense pleasure, emotions and the feeling of being inside of her were almost too much for him to handle.  He screamed her name over and over, thrilling that she tightened after every repetition.    He poured himself into her, feeling himself coming down from the dizzying high, only to descend into the blissful after glow.

He opened his eyes and looked at her, trying to get his breath under control.  The look on her face he would remember for the rest of his life.  She had never looked so lovely.  Her mouth was in a half dazed smile, and her eyes seemed to dance with a flickering internal flame.  He tried to tell her that he loved her, but all he could say was her name.  She understood, and pulled him down to kiss him softly on the lips.

Forcing himself to move, he rolled to her side, pulling her to lay across his chest.  His mind was empty of everything except for her, brining a grin to his face.  He stroked her hair with his fingers, murmuring sweet nothings to her softer than a whisper.  Her breathing became regular, and he smiled as he realized that she had fallen asleep. He lay there for a long time, listening to her breathe, and he felt for the first time that all was right with the world.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A figure sat on a chair bathed in firelight, although the cold coming from him could have frozen a flame.  His eyes were narrowed and glittering in a frenzy of hate and rage.  Seething, he slowly rose and made his way to a long stair case trembling from the force of his anger as he ascended.

In front of the fire a parchment lay on the floor, deserted, but not forgotten.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_(A/N)_

_It took me a long time to decide what to make them in their animagi forms.  I chose a fox for Sev because they are cunning, devious, but so much fun to cuddle.  I made her a panther because they are beautiful, powerful, smart, and I am sick of her always being a plain cat or an owl.  I guess hers doesn't fit as much as his does… but…oh well._

_I was considering making their first time in a really romantic setting, you know, candles and soft music.  Then, the more I thought about it, I realized that some of the most romantic and sexy settings are ones you create by yourself, no pomp and circumstance.  Just being with someone you love is enough to make the most ordinary nights magic.  It was pointed out to me by my beta **Anitra that Hermione is really passive in the scene, and that it is all from Sev's point of view.  I read over the passage, and it's true, I didn't write much about Hermione and she really didn't do much.  I don't really know why I did that, it's just sort of the way it came out.  I hope it didn't take away from the scene.  It was also nice to hear that a guy isn't only interested in getting off, even if he is just fictional.   **_

_From the last little segment, I think you guys might know what is coming up.  Sigh, it isn't going to be pretty.  Boys can be such pains in the asses.  If they could just be civil to each other, I wouldn't have to make them fight all the time.  Oh well, should be an interesting chapter, I hope._

_Thank you so much to all of my reviewers, you have no idea how much I love getting feedback from each and every one of you._

_A special thanks to my new beta **Anitra.******_


	10. Chapter Nine

**Lost**

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**Chapter Nine**

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Severus kissed the top of Hermione's head as he watched her sleep.  _Gods she's beautiful he thought, looking at her naked form pressed up against him.  Thinking of what they had just done put a stupid smile on his face.  He doubted that anyone had ever had better sex than that.  It hadn't just been sex to him, which was part of why it had been so good.  It was making love, as cliché as that was.  He sighed contentedly; hopefully he would spend many more nights like this, holding her in his arms after being together.  _

He could feel himself drifting off into sleep, although he tried to fight it.  He wanted this moment to go on forever, wanted to spend eternity with her wrapped in his arms.  His world was perfect, at this moment.  For years he had looked towards the future with an uneasy reluctance, never knowing what he wanted or where he was going.  Now he welcomed the rest of his life with open arms, knowing that this angel would be in it.  He closed his eyes and pulled her closer, so that he could feel the beat of her heart against his chest.  He fell into a light sleep, oblivious to the soft hissing sound coming from the door.

***

Sirius grimly kept his wand pointed at the handle to Hermione's door.  _I've never seen this many locking spells in one place before he thought angrily.  Finally the locks were broken, and he pushed the door open, being careful to be quiet.  Even in his rage he knew it would do no good to wake the entire tower.  He shut the door behind him and uttered a soft silencing spell; things were bound to get noisy.  _

He shut the door softly behind him and turned to the bed.  A low growl escaped from his lips as he saw what lay before him.  They were on the bed together, _naked.  He noted, with disgust, where Snape's hands were placed on her body.  They were both smiling in their sleep, and it didn't take a genius to figure out why.  Rage boiled and bubbled inside of Sirius.  He became blinded with hatred for the boy in front of him.  With a deft movement he pointed his wand at the candles in the room, causing them to flare to life._

***

Hermione woke up first, confused about the candles.  She sat up and looked around, her eyes finally locking on Sirius.  They stared at each other for a moment, her eyes wide in horror, and his with an unmistakable anger; though she was sure it was not directed at her.  Finally realizing the situation they were in, she gave a short shriek, and pulled the sheet to cover herself.  Severus grunted and woke up, looking at the terrified expression on her face.  "What's wrong love?"  He asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.  She didn't answer, and he turned to where her gaze was locked, gasping as he saw Sirius.

"What the hell are you doing in here, Black?"  He asked, trying to get control of the situation.  He took his wand from the bedside table, and in an instant he and Hermione were dressed.  

"I could ask the same thing of you, Snape.  What the hell are you doing in here?"  Sirius clenched and unclenched his fists angrily. 

"I should think it would be obvious what I am doing in here."  Severus said with a nasty sneer.

Hermione looked between the two of them with growing apprehension.  "Just calm down," she tried to say with authority.  It didn't work, however, as Sirius merely turned to Hermione with a hurt look on his face.

"How could you do this, Mya?  This is _Snape we're talking about… are you just trying to hurt me?"  He looked at her pleadingly, as if he wanted to believe that this was some sort of revenge on her part, and not anything real._

"This has nothing to do with you, Sirius.  I'm with Severus because I love him," she realized a second too late that this was the wrong thing to say.  Sirius' eyes went wide and he recoiled as if she had slapped him.  He couldn't seem to stand looking at her anymore, and instead he turned back to Severus with even more of a loathing.

"You!  You've done something to her!"  His voice was almost a growl, and he pointed his wand directly at Severus' throat.  Noticing that Severus still had an arm around Hermione he narrowed his eyes.  "Get away from her, don't you touch her."

Severus smirked and drew Hermione closer.  "I've touched her in ways you can only imagine… and trust me when I say she likes it."

Hermione looked at him in horror.  "Stop this, both of you!"  But they paid her no attention.  Sirius' face got redder and redder, looking as if he were about to burst.  

He took a deep, ragged breath and seethed, "Expelliarmus!"  Severus' wand flew into Sirius' hand while Severus was thrown against the back wall.  Hermione let out a small scream and moved to go to him, but Sirius pushed her back down onto the bed.  "You're staying here; I'll deal with you later."  He said, before grabbing Severus and lifting him to his feet.  "You and I are going outside," he snarled to the other boy, "I don't want to do this in front of her."

Severus regarded him for a moment, and then nodded curtly.  Sirius handed his wand back and they made their way towards the door.  Hermione looked at them with absolute horror written all over her face.  "No!  I'm not going to let you two do this!  If either of you care about me at all, you'll stay here and talk like civilized people."  She hoped that this last line would be enough to stop them, but neither seemed to notice what she had said.  She decided to be drastic and reached for her wand, but Sirius beat her to it.

"Accio!"  Her wand shot into Sirius' hand, and he gave her a hard look.  "You are staying here until I get back," he said shortly, before pushing Severus through the door and slamming it.  She rushed over to the door, but he had put a locking spell on it.  

She started banging against the door, and shouting as loudly as she could, but she knew it would do no good.  She tended to be overzealous with the charms when Severus came over, and there were more than a few powerful silencing charms on the room.  

"Bloody hell!"  She slumped down against the shut door and buried her face in her hands.  Severus and Sirius were on their way to kill each other, and she was stuck in her room, with no way to stop them.  Suddenly, her eyes went wide as she remembered something that she hadn't thought of before.  She got up and ran to the window, hoping that she was wrong.  A small moan escaped her lips as she stared out at the bright and full moon.  

_Oh my god… Sirius is really going to try to kill him.  She clung to the window, watching as whomping willow's branches danced hauntingly in the shadows._

***

Sirius dragged Snape down to the common room, his blood boiling with hatred for the boy.  He had lost any sense of sanity about the situation when Hermione had said that she was in love.  Seeing them in bed together had been one thing.  He could let himself believe that she was doing it out of some sort of misplaced spite… but love?  He shook his head violently.  _Don't think about her… just think about how you're going to kill him.  He looked up with a half crazed grin on his face.  _

"Are you just going to stand there?"  Snape's voice brought him back to the situation at hand, and he looked up wanting to smack the sneer off of the other boy's face.

"I'll kill you; I'll kill you for touching her," Sirius growled at Snape, "but not here.  That's a pleasure I want uninterrupted."

"Agreed," Snape sneered.  

"There is a place I know, where we won't be bothered.  It's under the whomping willow.  Meet me there in twenty minutes, alone."  Sirius was smiling now, which was obviously disturbing Snape.

"How exactly am I supposed to meet you _under the whomping willow?"  Snape was unconsciously backing away from him._

"There is a knot, at the base of the tree.  Hit it with a stick, and the branches will stop moving and a passageway will open.  Wait for me there."  Sirius started to walk towards the boys dorms.

Severus grabbed his arm before he could walk away.  "What?  You want me to go wait while you gather up your little friends?  This is between you and me."

Sirius yanked his arm back as if he had been burned.  "I'm getting an invisibility cloak.  I'm not about to get caught by Filch before I can beat the bloody hell out of you."

"Fine, twenty minutes, under the whomping willow, and you better be alone."  Severus practically spit out the last few words before turning and stalking out of the portrait hole.  Sirius watched him go with the same insane grin over his face.  

After the portrait swung closed behind Severus, Sirius turned and bolted up the stairs to the boys' dormitories.  He pushed the door open softly, and walked to James' bed, crouching low next to the pillow.  He nudged the other boys' shoulder a bit, hoping to wake him only slightly.  James gave a low grunt to show that he was awake and Sirius whispered into his ear, "Prongs, I need to borrow the cloak… where is it?"

James opened his eyes the slightest bit, and looked at Sirius in confusion.  "What do you need it for?"

"Just give it to me, okay?"  Sirius nervously ran his fingers through his hair.  Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind, "I need it to go meet a girl, alright?"

James nodded slightly, although his eyes showed that he didn't quite believe his friend.  "It's under my bed."

Sirius grabbed the cloak and threw it over his shoulders, giving the appearance that he was nothing more than a bobbing head.  "Thanks," he grinned devilishly, before raising the hood to cover his face.  He turned and made his way towards the door, unaware that James had silently risen out of bed to follow him.

He walked quickly through the halls, wanting to get down to the whomping willow as soon as he could, afraid that his nerve would run out.  He knew that he had wasted too much time talking to James, and that if he didn't hurry he would miss the main event.  He slipped through the doors to the grounds and made his way over to the tree.

He paused by the branches, watching as they swung madly, illuminated by the full moon.  For a moment, he considered stopping Severus before he went down there, just fighting the boy hand to hand.  He shook out the thoughts of mercy as the images from Hermione's room replayed themselves in his mind.  He could see her naked, saying that she loved Severus… he clenched his hands violently.  It was too much for him to bear. 

He stood close to the tree, his breath coming in quick and ragged as he saw a shadowed figure drawing ever nearer. 

***

"Fine, twenty minutes, under the whomping willow, and you better be alone."  Severus spit the words out before turning and sweeping out of the common room.  Once the portrait was closed behind him, he let out a low growl and punched the wall behind him.

"Damn it!"  He shook out his fist and stalked down the halls, not bothering to make himself invisible, he felt almost invincible in his rage.  Things had been perfect, his life had for one sweet moment been absolutely perfect, and Black had to go and screw it all up.  

Severus tore through the hallways, he was supposed to meet Black in twenty minutes, and he'd be damned if he went alone.  He knew that Black, true to his Gryffindor nobility, wouldn't bring along any other member of his little gang.  Severus, on the other hand, was not tied down by those sorts of sentiments.  No, he was a Slytherin, and no Slytherin would walk in alone if he had the choice.  

There was only one that he could go to, Lucius.  That in its self was almost as big a problem as Black.  Lucius would never come on blind faith alone… faith was something a Slytherin did not possess.  He knew that Lucius suspected about Hermione, but now he would have to confirm the boy's suspicions.  That would be enough of a trade, the information Lucius craved for protection in a fight.  

Severus practically flew down the stairs to the dungeons, reaching the common room in a matter of seconds.  He stealthily made his way into the seventh years' dorm, and over to the four poster where Lucius lay sleeping.  Drawing back one of the curtains he gave a half hearted smirk.  The boy looked almost angelic in sleep.  He placed a hand over Lucius' mouth and promptly shook the boy awake.

"Lucius, get up.  I need your help."  Lucius looked at him with sleepy eyes, but quickly woke up when he saw the deadly expression on Severus' face.  Raising his hand and standing up, Severus threw a cloak at the bed and walked towards the door, with Lucius following him.  They walked in silence until they reached the common room.  Lucius knew better than to start asking unnecessary questions, and merely waited for the other boy to speak.

"We don't have much time, I'll explain as we go."  They made their way out of the common room and up the stairs towards the school grounds.  "I was in Mya's room, when Black broke in.  Needless to say he was not amused.  I am to meet him, alone, _underneath the whomping willow."  He turned to look at Lucius, noticing the satisfied grin on the other boy's face._

"What is the plan then?"  Lucius licked his lips, obviously up for a fight.

Severus thought for a moment.  "I'll go in first.  I would like the pleasure of beating Black by myself, if I can manage it.  If I can't… if it looks like I'm losing, that's when you come in."  He paused, his eyes flashing darkly, "I don't want Black to walk away from this."  Severus reached into his robes and pulled out a vial that he had grabbed before leaving the dorms.  "Take this, it's an invisibility potion."

Lucius grinned and downed the contents of the vial.  The boys looked at each other resolutely before heading out of the door.  Severus walked quickly towards the whomping willow, aware of Lucius' presence close behind him.  It gave him cold comfort to know that he was not alone, that either from his hand or another's Black would get what was coming to him.

He drew near to his destination, and looked to see if there was any sign of Black.  Satisfied that there was not, he set to looking for a stick long enough to get by the swinging branches.  He was becoming tired of his search when something smacked into him from behind.  Figuring it was Black, he turned around with his wand out.  He almost laughed as he was greeted by the sight of a long stick hovering in mid air.

"Thanks Lucius," he muttered taking the stick roughly and crouching low to the ground.  He had located the knot right away; it was rather conspicuous when you were looking for it.  Now the only problem was avoiding the branches long enough to poke it.  It took him several minutes, but finally he managed to hit the knot, effectively stopping the movement of the willow.

Taking a deep breath he made his way towards the new opening in the bottom of the tree.  It was slightly foreboding… a secret passage lit only by moonlight.  He shuddered involuntarily before lowering himself through the hole.  He almost didn't make it inside, as the branches started to swing wildly again.  Turning around, he became somewhat frantic as he saw that there was no noticeable way to get out, something that Black had failed to mention.

"Damn," he swore, becoming aware that this was some sort of trap.  He started to bang against the now closed tree trunk, trying to find a way out.  Suddenly, there was a low growl that almost made him jump out of his skin.  He looked around for the source of it, but the dim light from his wand could not reach far down the tunnel.

The growl came again, low and long.  Severus pounded harder on the interior of the tree, sweat beginning to form at his brow.  He could hear something approaching him in the dark; the growls were becoming more frequent and louder in their approach.  He thought for a moment that it could just be Black in an attempt to frighten him, but that thought was driven from his mind as an unearthly howl rose came ever closer towards him.

Severus panicked, pounding against the walls and screaming at the top of his lungs.  The growls were no longer muffled by the tunnel; the beast was almost upon him.  He could feel the walls start to shake as something massive approached him.  Clinging to his wand he pressed his back against the wall.  His breathing was ragged and his heart was pounding in his ears.  He felt that he would die of fright before the beast even got to him.

He wasn't that lucky.  Into the dim light of his wand stepped something out of a nightmare.  A huge, snarling, werewolf, fangs dripping in saliva, eyes wild, and claws sharper than a sword stood before him.  Severus screamed and pressed his eyes closed, he was going to die.

***

James followed Sirius down towards the grounds, having little trouble following the invisible boy.  Sirius was being careless, walking loudly and muttering under his breath, it was obvious that he was not going to meet some girl.  

They slipped out of the doors and to the grounds.  James could tell where Sirius was heading almost immediately; they had walked the path to the whomping willow together too many times for him not to recognize the route.  He furrowed his brow as they swiftly came towards the menacing tree.  

_What is he up to?  He thought, searching his mind for some explanation.  They had decided not to visit Remus this full moon, as Peter was laid up in the hospital with the flu.  He bit his lip, worried.  Surely Sirius didn't plan on going alone?  It was dangerous enough when they all went together.  _

He heard Sirius stop, and hid himself in the shadows.  Sirius didn't move.  James was more than confused at his friend's behavior.  It was almost as if he was waiting for something, but what could he be waiting for at this hour of the night?  

His question was answered as he saw a cloaked figure drawing nearer to the tree.  He narrowed his eyes, Sirius had said that he was meeting a girl, but he could tell by the way the figure moved that it was a boy.  

The boy stopped in front of the willow, and began looking for something.  James had had enough.  He walked over to where he knew Sirius was watching and whispered into his friend's ear.  "What's going on Padfoot?"

He could tell that Sirius was startled, as the cloak fell off when he jumped.  He looked at James guiltily, but found himself unable to tell his friend what he had been plotting.  They looked at each other for a moment before a noise caught James' attention.  He turned around towards the willow in time to watch as the figure of Severus Snape slid down and into the tree.

His eyes went wide as he realized what was going on.  "No!"  He screamed out too late, the tree had already closed behind him.  He swirled around to Sirius in horror, "What have you done?"  

Sirius looked as if he were waking up from a dream.  "He… I…" he couldn't get the words out, but it hardly mattered as James was already running away from him and towards the tree.  

He got near to the tree and began looking for a stick long enough to hit the knot.  Snape's stick lay just out of reach near the base of the tree.  James could hear the other boy's frustrated poundings on the other side of the tree, he was still unaware of the danger he faced.  James crouched as low as he could towards the ground, and inched his way towards the stick.  It was a slow process, and Snape's poundings were becoming more frantic.  

James heart was in his throat as he heard Snape start to call out.  He knew what would happen if he didn't hurry.  He reached his fingers out as far as they could go, finally grasping the stick as Snape's cries turned into screams of terror.

Without a moment to spare, James hit the stick against the knot, stopping the branches and revealing the passageway.  Thrusting his arms into the hole, he grabbed Snape's shoulders, aware that the werewolf was inches away from ripping out his throat.  Snape kicked at the creature, hitting it in the face, and giving James the extra seconds he needed to pull the boy out.  He had gotten the boy's body mostly out of the hole, when the werewolf grabbed at one of his legs, ripping through the skin.  

Snape cried out in anguish, but James managed to pull him the rest of the way through the hole.  The second that Snape's body was clear, the willow sprang to life again, with the two boys caught in the midst of its rage.  James was hit on the leg, and could feel the bone breaking.  He gritted his teeth against the pain and focused on getting Snape clear from the branches.  

There was a sickening thud as one of the branches hit the side of Snape's face.  James grimaced at the blood, but managed to pull the boy away from the tree at last.  Sirius was there in an instant, hovering above the broken figures, unsure of what to do.  James looked up at him with intense anger, unable to believe that his friend would have done such a thing.  

"Go get Madam Pomfrey," he ordered Sirius, who was still staring down at him.  Sirius nodded then took off towards the castle as fast as he could.  James shut his eyes and tried to block out the blinding pain coming from his leg, but the sudden lack of adrenaline and the throbbing in his leg caused his vision to fade, and his head to grow heavy.

The two unconscious figures lay bleeding and broken, the silver white light from the moon making them look like ghosts.

***

Lucius watched as Severus slid through the passage into the tree.  It was an odd place to meet for a duel, but what could you expect from a Gryffindor?  

He was more than happy to be accompanying Severus on this little night time excursion.  For one, he finally knew for certain where the boy was spending his nights, and of course, the prospect of beating up an unsuspecting Gryffindor was always a good one.  He had been relatively sure that Severus had been staying with Mya.  They were always talking between classes and studying together in the library.  He smirked a little at that, he had never known Severus to be so sloppy before.

Lucius' mind was churning with this new information.  There had to be a way to exploit this somehow.  He started mulling over the possibilities in his mind, unaware of Severus' plight.  

He was brought back to earth by the sounds of Potter struggling to get into the tree. Lucius' face screwed up at that.  Just like Black to send someone else to do his dirty work.  Of course, it didn't really matter to Lucius which Gryffindor he hexed, so he let the boy work without interruption.  He watched idly as Potter finally managed to grab the stick and poke it against the knot.

His eyes widened in horror as he saw the scene that played out next.  Potter struggling to get Severus away from the snarling grasps of a werewolf was an unexpected sight indeed, and Lucius felt himself rooted to the ground in fear.  He felt himself breath again when the boys were finally clear of the werewolf and the tree.  He moved forward to help his friend, when he saw Black rush up and speak to Potter.

His eyes narrowed as he watched the exchange.  Black had known about the werewolf, of this he was certain.  He watched as the boy ran towards the castle, and without a second thought raced after him.  The injured boys could wait; in _his mind, vengeance always came first._

He caught up with the boy and saw that he was indeed making his way towards the hospital wing.  Thinking quickly, Lucius pointed his wand at his back, muttering, "Stupefy!"  The light shot out of his wand and hit Black, making him fall to the ground.  Lucius grinned and walked over to him, giving the fallen Gryffindor one good kick in the ribs.  He paused for a moment, wondering what to do with Black, when a devious thought crossed his mind.

"Mobilcorpus," he said, the other boy's body lifting off of the floor.  Lucius hurried down the corridors and away from the hospital wing.  He reached the stairs to Gryffindor tower, and placed Black on the ground.  A few minutes of work made it look as if Black had been running up the stairs and fallen.  Lucius grinned, it now looked as if the Black had deserted his friend, and had gone to bed instead of to Madam Pomfrey.

Lucius grinned at his handiwork, and then sauntered down the stairs and towards the Hospital Wing.  He had done his job, Black would not be walking away from this one.

***

_There it is folks… the infamous Whomping Willow incident.  Hope you enjoyed it!!!_

_This was actually a hard chapter for me to write.  I don't really understand the male mind.  I have never been in a fight, and don't really see the point in it, so it was difficult for me to write this so it made sense.  I hope it did.  _

_I am sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out, but it has been a rough couple of weeks for me.  Most of my time has been spent at the hospital going between my grandfather, who had a stroke, and my uncle who is just had quintuple bypass surgery.  Sigh… on the brighter side, they are both going to be fine.  I hope that my distraction hasn't affected my writing too much._

_On a happier note…__ IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!  _

_I am now 18, and a legal adult._

_Crazy.___

_I didn't get a chance to send this chapter to my beta, **Anitra because I am not at my home computer where her e-mail address is stored.  Hopefully there aren't any mistakes!**_

_And finally…___

_THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!!!!!_


	11. Chapter Ten

**Lost**

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**Chapter Ten**

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****

Two figures lay motionless on the ground, their stillness a bitter contrast to the swinging branches of the willow.  Hermione clung to the window for support, not daring to look away even for a moment.  She felt helpless, trapped in her room.  She had been waiting breathlessly for Sirius to return with help for the fallen boys, but as the minutes stretched on she feared that no help would come.  A small dark pool had begun to spread around the leg of one of the boys, and she knew by his moonlit profile that it was Severus.  

Her hands were shaking as she began to pound again on the glass in a desperate attempt to draw attention to herself.  She had screamed herself hoarse in the first few minutes after she realized what was happening.  Her hands were sore from hitting the wood of her door over and over again.  She couldn't remember ever feeling so powerless before.  

Finally, after what seemed like hours, several shadowed figures hurried over to the scene.  She scanned their profiles, trying to discern who had arrived, and was shocked to see that it was Lucius rather than Sirius who lead the medi-witch and headmaster towards the boys.  She watched as he walked next to the now suspended body of Severus, placing a hand on the unconscious boy's shoulder in an unprecedented gesture of concern.  Hermione narrowed her eyes at the floating body of James, how strange it seemed that he should be the one who was alone. 

The strange processional finally made their way out of her sight, and she relaxed slightly, shutting her eyes and slipping down into the window seat.  She was exhausted, her body feeling almost as if it had gone into shock from the night's events.  She managed to drag herself over to the bed and sat propped up against the pillows, willing herself not to sleep.  Her body was becoming traitor to her mind, her eyesight fading in and out, and the feeling slowly fading from her limbs.  She didn't want to sleep, not while she was locked in here with Severus injured and far away.  

She shook her head and rolled her shoulders, trying to get some feeling back into her body.  Drawing her knees up under her chin, she let her eyes sweep around the room, looking for some source of comfort.  She found it in a small red stain on the sheets below her, the single physical reminder of how she had started this night.  A small sob escaped from her throat at the sight of it, and she found herself drowning in emotion.  She had been so blissfully happy; she had felt _right for once in her life.  The feelings of Severus inside of her, his weight bearing down on her, and his breath against her cheek were memories so precious to her now that she found herself smiling in spite of herself.  She longed to be back again in the beautiful afterglow of their love, safe in Severus' arms. _

A sigh escaped her lips, and she lowered her head onto her knees.  She let her mind wander to his face, his scent, and the delicious secrets of his body that only she had privilege to.  Her thoughts slipped silently into dreams, although the sweet musings were pocked with the haunting image of his broken body.

***********

Lucius watched as Severus slowly opened his eyes.  He had been sitting by his side for almost an hour now, and it was the first time that the boy had stirred.  Severus looked around the hospital room with a groggy, confused look on his face.  When his eyes finally rested on Lucius he groaned, the memories of what had happened clearly came back to him.

"How are you feeling?"  Lucius asked, although there was little concern in his voice.  

Severus didn't dignify the question with an answer, choosing instead to glare at the other boy.  Lucius laughed, as the glare was weakened by his condition.  He reached into his robes and grabbed the small vial of pepper-up potion that Madam Pomfrey had left for him to give to Severus when he woke up.  He offered it to the boy, who drank it quickly without even asking what it was.

"Bloody hell that was disgusting!"  Severus made a gagging sound before placing the empty vial on the table next to him.  

"Couldn't be helped."  Lucius pushed down on Severus' shoulder as he made an attempt to rise from the bed.  "Slow down, you aren't going anywhere."

Severus grimaced but settled back down into the bed.  He was vaguely aware of a throbbing in his head and leg, but he chose to ignore it.  "What the hell happened down there, Lucius?"

Lucius thought for a moment, "How much do you remember?"

Severus sighed, "After you so graciously handed me the stick, I managed to get underneath the willow, when the damn thing shut behind me.  Next thing I know, I'm being attacked by a werewolf, and then…" Suddenly, the gravity of the situation hit him like a ton of bricks.  "Werewolf… oh, gods no," his already pale face became even more pallid.  "Am I?  Did it?"

"No!"  Lucius tried to calm his friend.  "It got you with claws, that's all.  You aren't going to become a werewolf."  He ran a hand through his hair as Severus exhaled a long breath.  "It was Potter, who pulled you out, by the way.  He seemed to know what was going on.  They both did."  

"Black," Severus growled.  "He tried to kill me.  What happened to him?"

Lucius thought for a moment, trying to decide what to say.  After a second he replied, "No one knows.  He ran away, and we haven't been able to find him."

"Coward," Severus muttered under his breath.  He furrowed his brow.  "No one has seen him?  What about Mya?"

"She hasn't been down here," Lucius shrugged.  "Seems kind of strange."

Severus groaned.  "She's locked in her room.  Black took her wand and cast a spell, there are silencing spells too, so no one can hear her."  Lucius looked confused, and Severus just shook his head.  "Don't ask.  Will just go get her?  The password is Fairy Lights, the girls' dorms are on the right, and her door is the fourth on the right."

Lucius nodded and made his way out of the Hospital Wing, pausing once to sneer at the still unconscious form of James Potter.  He walked quickly down the halls towards Gryffindor tower, becoming invisible as he did.  The night's events had put him in an unusually good mood.  He had been worried, momentarily, when Potter had pulled a bleeding Severus out of the path of the werewolf, but once the danger had passed Lucius became aware of how positive the night had turned out.  The Gryffindors were Dumbledore's obvious favorites, and if Severus hated the Gryffindors then he hated Dumbledore by extension.  This was good for Lucius' cause.

The only problem that he could foresee was that of Hermione.  She obviously was very important to Severus, seeing that he spent nearly every night with her.  It would have been perfect if she was a Slytherin, but she was a Gryffindor and therefore hard to manipulate.  If he could find some way to ingratiate himself to her, to steer her away from her friends, then she might be the perfect tool to finally turn Severus Snape to the Dark side.

He made his way up to Gryffindor tower, passing the unconscious Black on the way.  He sneered at the boy, kicking him once as he walked by.  He paused for a moment while on the stairs.  This would be a good way to start Hermione's turn against her friends, to find her best friend having "abandoned" the injured boys.  

He mused on this until he came to the portrait of the Fat Lady.  Luckily for him she didn't open her eyes to see who was giving the password.  He climbed in and tried to remember the directions that Severus had given him.  After a minute he climbed the right staircase and made his way to the fourth door on the right.  He paused for a moment before he charmed open the door; making sure that he looked appropriately worried.

******************

Hermione woke from her troubled sleep by a hissing sound coming from the door.  She immediately jumped up only to sit down again in confusion when she saw who had opened her door.

"Lucius!  What are you doing here?"  She asked, feeling uneasy from his presence.

"Severus sent me; he's in the hospital wing."  She paled at his words and he walked over to offer her a hand to stand up.

She looked at his hand for a moment before taking it, allowing him to steady her on her feet.  "What happened?  Is he alright?"

Lucius nodded, noticing that she asked only about Severus, and not Black.  "He's going to be fine."  He steered her out of the door and down the stairs.  "I saw Severus in the hallways, as he was going to meet Black.  He told me what was going on, and I decided to follow just in case.  I agreed to wait outside of the whomping willow, and not to interfere with his fight.  He got past the branches and a few seconds later Potter showed up.  I thought that Black had just sent his friend instead, but then the tree opened up again…" he actually shuddered at the memory.  

"What happened?"  She asked, as if she didn't know about Remus.

"You aren't going to believe this… hell, I barely do and I saw it… but there was a werewolf.  It slashed at Severus, broke his leg, but Potter managed to get him away before it killed him.  As they were getting away the tree came back to life and knocked them both out."  He paused, looking at her out of the corner of his eye.  It was now time to spin his story.  "That's when I saw Black, he ran towards the castle, and I followed him, thinking that he was going to the hospital wing."  He frowned.  "This is, when he got inside the castle he went the complete opposite way of the hospital.  I haven't seen him since."

Hermione looked horrified.  "Are you sure?  Maybe he just went another way."

Lucius shook his head.  "No, he never turned up."

Hermione shook her head in disbelief.  Lucius had to be lying, there was no way that Sirius would have left James and Severus down there.  _Of course, he had no problem leading Severus to death, she thought bitterly.  _

They were halfway down the staircase when she saw a strange bundled figure on the floor.  She reached and grabbed Lucius' arm, stopping him.  He looked up at her, confused, and she pointed.  As she hurried to see what it was, she missed the brief grin flash across his face.

As she drew nearer to the figure, she realized that it was a person.  She knelt down and gasped as she realized that she was looking at an unconscious Sirius.  "No," she whispered halfway to herself.  She looked up at Lucius, tears in her eyes.  "It's Sirius… it looks like he fell… he really wasn't going to Madam Pomfrey."  She shook her head in disgust.  "How could you?"  She whispered to his prone body.  Wiping away a tear she reached into his robes, extracting her wand.  Giving him a last look she rose and started back down the stairs.

"What should we do about him?"  Lucius asked, gesturing to the floor. 

She turned around, tears flowing freely now.  "Leave him."

She tore down the stairs, the silence of the castle ringing in her ears.  She was vaguely aware of Lucius' footsteps close behind her, but she paid no attention until she felt his hand on her shoulder.

"Mya…" he started, his voice seeming to convey that he didn't know exactly what to say.

She turned around to look at him, surprised to see the concern in his eyes.  "What?"

He shifted uncomfortably.  "I'm not too good at, well, comforting people, but… well, I know a thing or two about having friends betray you, side affect of being a Slytherin you know."  He seemed to relax a little as she laughed at his joke, and continued.  "Anyway, I know we're not really friends or anything, but if there is anything I can do… just don't hesitate to ask, okay?"

She eyed him thoughtfully.  She certainly hated him in the future, but she had hated Severus too.  In this time, Lucius had always been civil to her, and at times almost friendly.  _He looks sincere, she thought, noticing the faintest hint of tears in the boy's eyes.  She smiled at him, wiping away a tear as she did so.  "Thanks, Lucius."_

He nodded at her and put an awkward arm around her shoulder, which she accepted.  They walked in silence for the rest of the way to the hospital wing, each lost in their own thoughts.  

************

Severus lay back against the pillows, grimacing in pain.  Madam Pomfrey had used Skele-Gro on his leg, making him feel as if it were filled with splinters.  She had given him several vials of pain reliever, but he could only take one per hour, and he still had fifteen minutes left to go.  He looked over to the sleeping body of James Potter, and growled slightly.  How humiliating that he should owe his life to someone that he hated with such passion.  

He forced himself to turn away and to shut his eyes.  He had sent Lucius almost twenty minutes ago, which meant that Hermione would be here soon.  After his little brush with death he needed to have her near him.  She had been the last thing he thought about before he was knocked unconscious.  He was worried about seeing her, there was a very strong chance that she was furious with him, and that was the last thing he wanted right now.  She had every right to be mad, he knew.  He had let his testosterone take over, let his hatred for Black take over, and he had left her helpless to do anything about it.  

He shook his head violently.  Guilt did not mix well with pain.

A few minutes later the door creaked open, and he looked up hopefully.  He narrowed his eyes in anger and jealousy when he saw her walk in with Lucius' arm around her shoulder, but it all faded away as she rushed over and threw her arms around him.

"Severus…" she trailed off, sobbing into his shoulder.  He put his arms around her, finding it amusing that he was comforting her while he was the one lying in the hospital bed.  Lucius pulled a chair over for her, and she sat down, clasping tightly to his hand.

Lucius cleared his throat, and the two turned to look at him.  "I'll leave you two alone.  Feel better Severus... and Mya, don't forget what I told you."

"Thank you Lucius."  She said, as he walked out, shutting the door behind him.

"What did he say to you?"  Severus asked, narrowing his eyes.  

She smiled at him and waived her hand flippantly.  "It isn't important.  How are you feeling?"

He snorted.  "Well, I've been ripped up by a werewolf, and knocked about by a tree, so I'm not feeling all too well at the moment."

She smiled briefly, but then her expression darkened.  "It's all my fault… I should have stopped him…"

He looked at her seriously.  "Mya, this is not your fault.  I shouldn't have gone off to fight… but it's really Black's fault, seeing as he tried to kill me."

"He did… he really did."  She shook her head numbly.  "But it's my fault, because I knew."

"You knew?  How could you know?"  He looked at her in confusion.  

"I had forgotten, it happened so long ago… but Sirius, he told me about this… well, a censored version of this… when I was in my third year.  I had forgotten about it until tonight.  If I had said something…" she trailed off, looking hopelessly guilty.

"It would have happened anyway."  He finished for her.  She looked up at him with teary eyes and he continued.  "Paradox rules, remember?  In any case, I don't blame you at all."

"Really?"  She sniffed, squeezing his hand.

"Really," he laid his head back onto the pillow.  "I blame Black."

"Me too," she said it quietly, but in the silence of the hospital wing he heard it clearly.  

He reached out with his other hand to grab the vial off of the table next to his bed.  She opened it for him, and he drank the cool liquid, feeling it work right away, all but eliminating the pain.  He shut his eyes tiredly, and smiled as she brushed a stray bit of hair off of his face.  Even in this horrible position she could manage to make him feel as if the world was perfect with just a single touch.  

"I love you," he murmured to her as she stoked his cheek with her soft fingers.  

"I love you too, Severus," he could hear the smile in her reply, and he grinned in return.  He let his mind wander and he fell asleep listening to her breathing and feeling her fingers running through his hair.

*************

"Mobilcorpus," Hermione pointed her wand at a still unconscious Sirius.  She had left the hospital wing as soon as she was sure that Severus was asleep.  Tearing through the halls she had come to the place where Sirius lay she considered leaving him there until the morning.  However, after a moment of thought she decided to bring him up to her room.  She made her way into Gryffindor tower and up to her room.  She dumped Sirius on the floor before shutting the door and casting the strongest silencing spell she knew.  She pursed her lips, looking at the form of her friend.  

"Accio," his wand flew from his robes and landed in her hand.  She placed it in her pocket before taking a deep breath.  

"Ennervate," she cast the spell at Sirius, who started to moan.  She waited while he woke up, feeling the heat starting to rise in her cheeks.  After a minute he drew himself up enough to look at her, immediately wishing he hadn't.

"How could you?"  Her voice was hard and cold, and he winced.  He opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off before he could speak.  "How could you do something so… so…" she struggled for a word that could fit her anger.  "You make me sick, Sirius.  You tried to kill… to _kill Severus, and you used Remus as a weapon.  If it wasn't for James, you would be a murderer, and in my eyes, that is exactly what you are."_

"Mya… I'm sorry… I…" Sirius ran a hand through his hair as he stood up to face her.  As soon as he was fully up, she walked over to him and slapped him hard across the face.

"You're sorry?  Fuck you."  She spit the words out with him with such vehemence that it seemed to sting him more than the slap.  "How sorry were you when you left James and Severus to bleed to death after James risked his life over your mistake?  You miserable coward, you just left them to die."

"No!  I was going for help… I was…"  She cut him off again as he started to explain.

"Bullshit.  I found you on the staircase no where near any sort of help.  If it wasn't for Lucius…"  She shook her head in disgust.

"Malfoy?  What does he have to do with this?"  Sirius looked at suspiciously.

"He followed Severus out there, and saw what happened.  He was the one to go to Madam Pomfrey.  He was the one who let me out of my room."  At this her eyes flashed again.  "You locked me in here, and I had to watch from my window, helpless to do anything."

She paced the room up and down, throwing him dirty looks.  He watched her every move flinching every time her eyes passed over him.  "Mya… I'm sorry, you have to believe that.  I didn't know what I was doing, I was so mad… all I could think of was…"

"Killing him?  There is no excuse for that.  I don't care how mad you were."  She shut her eyes as tears threatened to fall.  She bit her lip and continued softly.  "How could you do this?  Why?"

He slumped down on the bed, and hung his head.  "I don't know.  I didn't plan it.  I knew he was in your room, and I came up to confront you… then I saw you in bed, _together, and I lost it.  Then when you said you loved him," he made a face like he had swallowed something bitter.  "I don't know what happened Mya.  My heart broke and I felt this hatred.  I have never experienced anything like it… the anger, it was tangible."  He buried his face in his hands.  "I hate myself right now."_

"Well, right now I hate you too."  She sat down next to him on the bed, but made no move to comfort him.  "I know you don't like Severus, but I don't understand why our being together would hurt you so much."

He licked his lips and sighed.  "Because I love you, Mya.  I'm in love with you, and you love my worst enemy."

She looked up at him in surprise.  "You're… in love with _me?  When did this happen?  After Halloween I thought…"_

He laughed bitterly.  "It happened gradually, I didn't even realize it until a few weeks ago, but it's true.  Although now I wish it weren't."

She sat for a minute, not quite knowing what to say.  She stood up again, and leaned against a wall, shutting her eyes.  "I'm sorry Sirius, I really am.  But it's no excuse for what you did."  She took his wand out of her pocket and threw it at him.  "I'm going back to sit with Severus and James.  I don't want you anywhere near them."

She walked to the door and opened it, pausing to say one last thing to him.  "And Sirius… if you ever come near him again…"

She didn't finish her sentence; she just left him there on her bed, cradling his head in his hands.

*********

_(A/N)_

_So, Sirius is in love with Hermione.  It was bound to happen.  Sucks for him though, she loves Severus.  _

_Lucius is going to be playing a bigger part in the upcoming chapters.  I love writing him.  He's evil, but at least he admits it.  _

_Someone made a note in a review that cannon has the whole incident in 5th year.  I don't remember that, but it's probably true.  Sigh, oh well.  Let's just pretend that they said 7th year, okay?  _

_It's almost time to send Hermione home.  I am looking forward to it because it gives the story a fresh twist, and it gives me the challenge of getting them together in the future.  I'm also looking forward to Severus' decent into the Dark, and also his redemption.  Yes, you will find out why he goes back to Dumbledore.  I have it all planned out in my head and it is just itching to get out._

_Thank you to every one who wished me a happy birthday, and who offered up sympathy for my relatives.  I am happy to say that everyone is doing much better now.  _

_Thank you to everyone who reviewed!  I have 370 something right now, which absolutely blows me away.  I read each and every single review I get, and I take all suggestions and criticisms seriously.  You guys fuel my creative fire!!!_

_A mighty__ big thanks to my beta **Anitra who looks over my chapters for me.**_

_I should probably include a disclaimer, so I will say that everything you recognize belongs to JKR, and everything new (and hopefully exciting) belongs to little ole me._


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Lost**

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**Chapter Eleven**

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"Right, and after Wendell the Weird joined up with Oberon the Obese they attacked the elf colony of Yola."  Hermione smiled at Peter warmly.  She had been going over History of Magic for hours, and he was finally beginning to understand.  "Okay, so what happened during the attack?"

Peter looked over his notes with his brow furrowed.  "Um… the elves tricked the goblins by… sitting in the trees and attacking them as they walked underneath?"

"That's right!"  Hermione beamed at him.  "See, I told you that you would get it if you applied yourself!"  She shut the book that she had been reading from and stretched in the chair.  She had reluctantly agreed to tutor Peter after he spent three days begging her.  In truth, she didn't like to be around the boy who would grow to be Wormtail, but she realized that it was unfair of her to hold his future against him.  "Now, we'll be done if you can tell me the name of the goblin that defected to the elven side after the battle."  She knew that this would be a hard question for him; Peter was good at the concept, but had no memory for the details.

He sat for a moment, trying hard to come up with the name from memory and not from the notes on the table.  After a minute a grin spread over his face and he looked at her triumphantly.  "Gwendolyn the Gay, but she was only a half goblin.  Her mother was a wood sprite."

Hermione clapped her hands together appreciatively.  "Yes, you remembered!  That's wonderful, Peter.  If we keep working together you'll have no trouble with the N.E.W.T.S."  He smiled at her and they began to gather up all the materials they had been working with for the past hour.  Peter was absolutely beaming with pride, and her smile faltered as she wondered what had made this shy but sweet boy turn to the dark side.

"Mya?"  The sound of his voice brought her back, and the smile returned to her face.  He wasn't really looking at her, which she knew meant that he was going to say something that she didn't want to hear.  "He misses you, you know."

"I know."  She answered quietly, a small frown playing at her lips.  She shook her head of the thoughts that threatened to creep up on her and forced a smile back on to her face.  "Well, I guess that's all for tonight.  I think I am going to head on up to my room."

"Good night, Mya."  He gave her a shy half hug before she headed out of the library.  She gave him a little wave as she walked out of the door.

Once in the corridor the thoughts that she had pushed away came back in full force, as they always seemed to when she was alone.  She hadn't spoken a word to Sirius since she had left him alone in her room two weeks before, and the loss of his company was wearing on her.  While Severus was always number one with her, Sirius had always been second.  She had come to depend on their time together more than she had realized, and his absence pained her.  Still, as much as she missed him, she still hadn't forgiven him.  _I don't know if I ever will.  She thought, tucking a loose curl behind her ear.  _

She came up to the portrait of the Fat Lady, and she smoothed the wrinkles of her robes and stood up a bit straighter.  Another nasty effect of that night was that her relationship with Severus was no longer a secret.  This had come as quite a shock to the school.  While they all knew that the pair were friends, finding out that they were lovers was another matter entirely.  In a strange twist it had turned out that the Slytherins were much more accepting of the relationship than the Gryffindors were.  She had a feeling that part of that had to do with Lucius, who was vocal about approving.  

"Butterbeer," she gave the password to the Fat Lady, who eyed her suspiciously, as if afraid that she was really a Slytherin in disguise.  Hermione climbed through the hole, shaking her head a bit.  _This is getting old.  She thought, as twenty pairs of eyes looked at her just the way that the Lady had.  She was saved from the stares as a friendly voice called out to her from in front of the fire._

"Mya!  Come sit with me!"  Remus was sitting on the floor and beckoning to her with his hand.  She smiled, genuinely happy to see him.  They had become much closer since that infamous night.

"Hey there, Remus," she said, slipping down onto the floor next to him.  "How are you?"  The question was not an idle one.  Remus almost suffered a nervous breakdown when he realized what he had almost done, and he still seemed a bit shell shocked by the whole affair.  He was not talking to Sirius either.

"Alright, I think," he leaned back on his elbows and shut his eyes.  "I'm a bit angry at James though, he left me alone to go run around with _him."  James had forgiven Sirius almost immediately, and Hermione was under the distinct impression that he placed most of the blame on Severus' shoulders.  _

Hermione sighed, none of this was easy.  "I'm sorry Remus, but look on the bright side, at least you get to be _alone," she turned to smile sweetly at two third year girls who were gawking at her.  "I feel like I'm in a freak show or something."_

He chuckled.  "Well, you have to admit, you're something of an oddity.  Loving a Slytherin, honestly!"  He grinned as she threw him a murderous look.  "Oh, come off it, Mya.  You know I'm kidding."  He ran his hand through his fine brown hair.  "I don't have to like him though, do I?"

She rolled her eyes at him.  She knew that Remus grudgingly approved of Severus, after a secret conversation the two had had but refused to talk to her about.  Still, it was quite obvious that the two disliked each other.  "No, Remus, you don't have to like him."  She sighed, and shifted her body so that she was lying with her head in his lap.  "Although, I predict that you might change your tune in the future."

He made a little choking sound, and she laughed.  "It's just a guess, not an actual prediction."

He put a hand over his chest and mocked relief.  "Don't scare me like that; I'll have a heart attack."

"Very funny, Remus, since when are you such a comedian?"  He shrugged and the two lapsed into a comfortable silence, not noticing a pair of eyes watching them sadly from across the room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Checkmate," Severus smirked at Lucius, who was still trying to work out how he had been beaten.

Lucius noticed the smug expression on his face and scowled in the other boy's direction.  "Oh sod off, you know I'm terrible at chess."  It was a true and slightly odd fact.  For as cunning and smart as Lucius was, he was miserable at true strategy.  He tended to make grand movements, not noticing as Severus' pieces quietly took control of the board.  "Aren't you due up at Gryffindor now anyway?"

Severus nodded and stood up.  "Just about, she's tutoring Pettigrew in some subject or another, and knowing her, she'll probably go on for hours."  Lucius noted with a small grin that there was a trace of jealousy in Severus' voice.  He knew that the boy hated when she was with those _friends of hers._

Lucius yawned and stood up, turning to the boys' dormitories.  "Goodnight then, say hello for me, will you?"  Severus' eyes narrowed at this, but he nodded all the same, although Lucius didn't see it, as Severus had already become invisible.

Passing through the portrait of Salazar Slytherin that guarded the entrance to the common room, Severus quickened his pace.  As always, he wanted to get to Hermione as fast as he could.  He had barely seen her at all today, and he was desperate to be near her.  It frightened him, at times, how much he truly needed her.  She was like oxygen to him, and he often wondered how he had lived for seventeen years without her.  

It was strange for him, now that their relationship was in the open.  For the first time in his life Severus found himself the subject of gossip, and he decided quickly that he didn't like it.  The Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs were not so bad.  He usually only got interested looks from them, no it was the Gryffindors who made it difficult.   He had had no less then ten members of that house come up to him demanding to know if he had placed Hermione under some kind of spell.  He grinned in spite of himself; one of those encounters had turned out rather well.  He had been approached by a first year boy, who obviously had a crush on his older house mate, and he had quickly reduced the young boy to tears.  It had been quite satisfying for him really, although it didn't help with the animosity he felt from the rest of the house.  

Coming up on the portrait of the Fat Lady, Severus tried to remember what the new password was for this week.  He stood there for a minute when he was unexpectedly rescued by the Pettigrew boy, who wandered up and into the common room.  Severus slinked inside before the portrait closed behind him looking at the pudgy Gryffindor in confusion.  _I thought Hermione was tutoring him, he thought with a frown.  He walked into the main part of the room, and his frown deepened.  Hermione was lying in front of the fire, with her head on the lap of the werewolf.  Severus growled in jealousy and quickly made his way over to where they lay, nearly walking into a pair of fourth years in the process.  He crouched down low and opened his mouth to say something scathing, when her voice made him stop._

"Hello Severus, we were just talking about you."  He sat there, stunned, as was the werewolf.  She moved to get up from where she had been lying down, and grinned down at the boys.  "Goodnight Remus, we're off to bed."

The werewolf nodded numbly, and Severus found himself doing the same.  He had seen her do it before, but it always amazed him that she could tell when he was close by.  He followed her up the stairs to the girls' dorms, and into the sanctuary of her room.  She warded the door, and cast the regular silencing spells before she turned to where he still stood invisible.

"I'd like to see you," she said, in a teasing tone.  "That is the whole purpose of you coming up here."

He cocked his head, confused, before he realized that she still could not see him.  He became visible and walked over to where she stood, wrapping his arms around her.  "I missed you," he said simply, planting a kiss on the top of her head.  As much as he loved her, he still found it hard to be verbally affectionate.  He would never become a poet, spouting off line after line of fluff, although he suspected that she was grateful for that.

Pulling away she smiled up at him.  "I missed you too, how long has it been, four hours?"  She disentangled herself from his arms and moved about the room, preparing herself for the next day.  

"Five, actually," he watched as she flitted about the room, an amused smile on his face.  With the N.E.W.T.S just around the corner, she had become almost anal retentive in regards to her school work and preparation.  Shaking his head, he walked towards the bed, shedding his robe as he did so.  She had emptied a small chest of drawers next to the bed, and it was now reserved for his clothes and various belongings that he decided to move up here.  He looked over his shoulder to see that she was now undressing, and he leaned back against the bed to watch.  He was still utterly bewitched by the beauty of her body, and he could hardly believe that he had any claims on it.  

She paused after taking off her sweater to straighten something on her desk, and he took the moment to shed the rest of his clothes and slide naked into the bed.  Ever since the first time they had made love they found no reason to hide under false modesty.  He propped himself up against a pillow and watched her undress with a grin on his face.

Turing around to crawl under the covers, she noted the look on his face and laughed.  "Oh, you enjoyed that, did you?"  

He nodded slowly, looking her up and down suggestively.  "Very much so."  She laughed and threw her pillow at him lightly.  He dodged it easily and caught her wrist as she moved to pick up another one.  "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

She raised an eyebrow in mock defiance, although she couldn't seem to control the smile that played across her face.  "What are you going to do about it, huh?"

He answered her by growling and pouncing, trapping her beneath him on the bed.  She laughed in delight, feigning a struggle against his arms.  He leaned down to capture her mouth with his own, and he could feel her melt against his touch.  He almost thanked Black for putting them through that ordeal, as she had become even more affectionate than she had been before.  He guessed that it had something to do with the blinding fact that she almost lost him.  In any event, he wasn't complaining.

"You're distracted," she complained, noting the faraway look on his face.  He rolled over so that he was lying next to her, placing one hand on her cheek.

"I was thinking of you," he said softly, looking straight into his eyes.  She stared right back at him with unwavering confidence.  It occurred to him that no other person was able to do that with him.  Except, perhaps, Lucius, but with Lucius their glances were more about the balance of power.  He scowled a little bit, thinking of the other boy.  "What is going on with you and Lucius?"  He asked her, with his brow furrowed.  "He seems to be the president of your fan club."

She pursed her lips, and he could tell that she had been wondering the same thing.  "I don't know.  He's been really… nice to me lately.  It's scary, because Lucius doesn't _do nice," she paused, biting her lip slightly.  "I don't trust him Severus."_

"I don't either, he's up to something, I can tell," he moved so that he was lying on his back, and she crawled over to lie over his chest.  He had hoped to shield her from Slytherin politics, but it was becoming evident that she was to become a central figure in it.  He wasn't being entirely truthful when he said he didn't trust Lucius.  He would trust Lucius with his life, as long as the other boy thought he was getting something out of the deal.  Lucius was the type to watch out for his own interests, and would do anything to get what he wanted.  If your intentions happened to parallel his, he was a wonderful ally.  However if your opinions crossed… 

"You're a world away, aren't you?"  He looked down to see her smiling face and immediately felt bad about letting his mind wander from her.  

"I'm sorry Mya, it's just with Lucius and…" he was stopped by her finger coming to rest against his lips.  His eyes widened as he saw a familiar twinkle in her eye that let him know that she was planning something.  He unconsciously held his breath in anticipation.

"Maybe I can help you… clear your mind a little, hmm?"  She grinned lazily as she moved to straddle his waist.  He opened his mouth to say something, but she put her fingers against his lips again, silencing him.  

Shutting his eyes, he let her take over, amazed that he would allow her to take control.  In his life, he had learned the value of having control over yourself.  Living in Slytherin had taught him that.  He made sure that he was always on top of his emotions, he made sure that things went the way _he wanted them.  Now that she had entered his life, he found that he was actually comfortable, for once in his life, letting things go out of control.  Long ago in this relationship he had given up on trying to dictate the direction that it took.  He had found that with Hermione, there was no way to predict anything about their relationship.  There was no way to direct it's course, or influence the future.  It was the one thing in his life that was out of his hands, and to his surprise, he wouldn't have it any other way.  _

His thoughts subsided as she did something incredibly delicious with her hips.  He opened his eyes and saw that she was still grinning at him.  "I thought I was losing you there for a minute." She said, reaching down to trace her fingers lightly down his chest.  He smiled at her, and brought her hand to his lips, kissing her palm.

"I was just thinking about you," he knew she loved this response.  She had been overlooked for much of her life.  Seen only as a bookworm or companion to her more popular friends.  It was a shock to her that someone would actually be thinking solely about her.  Severus found that he often felt the same… it was just another way that they were connected.

He ran his hands along the sides of her body, and decided to let all thoughts die for the night.  Pulling her close to him he kissed her deeply, reveling in the softness of her lips, and the electricity that went along with her touch.  

**************

"Put in the lacewing flies, and then stir the potion clockwise four times," Hermione was looking over the well-read copy of Most Potent Potions and directing Severus as he stood over the boiling caldron.  They were taking some time off of studying for the NEWTs to work in their little room.  While most students would feel that this was worse than studying, they relaxed in the familiarity of brewing and boiling.  

"Alright," Severus said, stirring the caldron, "what next?"  They were working on a dangerous potion that allowed the drinker to perform wandless magic for a short time.  Brewed correctly, it would give them the ability for twelve hours, but brewed incorrectly it would leave them magicless for the same amount of time.  They had chosen it because it was the most difficult potion in the book; it was close to impossible to manage.   

"Next you need to… um, add powered mandrake root, and a pinch of ground spider legs.  Oh, that's gross," she made a face as he reached into the clay jar that held the legs.  He laughed at her distaste and quickly capped the jar and put it away.  

"What is it with you and spiders?" He asked, watching as the potion started to turn the desired shade of yellow.  She walked up next to him and smiled down at the caldron.

"It needs to boil for half an hour," she gave it a little stir before turning to look at him.  "I never used to be afraid of them, but Ron always was… and I guess after six years it just rubbed off on me."  She walked over to the little couch and fell back against the cushions.  "This potion is ridiculous!  Whoever made it up must have been some kind of sadist."

"Difficult potions are the best kinds.  This one is much better than the ones we brew in class.  Any idiot could brew those," he paused thoughtfully.  "Which isn't to say that they do.  It's shameful how poorly some students do."

She laughed out loud at that.  "You sound just like… well, yourself," she motioned for him to come over, and he obligingly sank down beside her.  "I have to say though, that I always agreed with you.  Not that I would ever openly agree with my 'evil' potions master," she smiled at him fondly.  "You never do get over your antisocial tendencies."

He snorted.  "Thank Merlin.  I do not find the idea of being popular to be particularly inviting," he threw his arm around her and grinned slightly as she tucked her head into the crook between his shoulder and his chest.  "Am I really that horrible in the future?"

She sighed heavily.  "Yes, you really are," she pursed her lips before continuing.  "I've told you before… but your life isn't going to be easy Sev.  It isn't going to be easy for anyone," she closed her eyes, picturing what would become of her friends in a short three years time.  She felt him tense slightly, and she instinctively knew what he was thinking.  "I can promise you though, that whatever happens, you won't go through it alone.  I'll be right there with you."

He relaxed at her words, knowing that she meant them.  It was strange for him, having her know about his future, and the fact that for six years of her life she hated him didn't help matters much.  "If you knew I was so horrible… how did you… how could you stand me now, knowing what I would become?"

She smiled a little at that, although he couldn't see.  "You hated me in the future too, remember?  Severus, you don't have an easy personality, just ask any of the Gryffindors, but that isn't what attracted me to you.  I don't have the easiest personality either.  When I found myself here, I'll admit that I was wary of you, but there is more to people than just their exterior.  I fell in love with everything about you, the good and the bad.  Even now, when I look back on the memories I have of you then, I look back with love.  The looks you would give, or the way you looked when you were working over a caldron… everything is precious," she ran a hand through her hair and sighed.  "Nothing you could say or do will ever change how much I love you.  You're stuck with me."

He shook his head a little bit.  "You just like to hear yourself talk, don't you?"  He teased her.  She swatted him on the knee and he reached down to hold her hand.  "I love you too.  Thank you, for everything you said," she seemed pacified from his teasing, so he drew her a bit closer, taking in the scent of her hair.  He loved how she always smelled like vanilla and honey; it was a warm and comforting smell.  

She squeezed his hand and started to stand up.  "Okay, enough dwelling on the past… or the future… or… well, enough dwelling.  Let's finish up this stage of the potion and head up to lunch."  She pulled him up and dragged him over to the work station, laughing at his reluctance to get off of the couch.  "I thought you were the one who loved this potion?"  She teased as he grudgingly started opening jars.

"I _do like making the potion… I just like sitting with you better," he took out a dried shrivelfig and dropped it into the potion.  _

Hermione smiled at him and started to stir in powered wormwood.  "Well, I like sitting with you too, but I also like food, and we haven't had any today… or have you forgotten that we skipped breakfast?"

"Oh, I had forgotten," he looked at his pocket watch and raised an eyebrow.  "We're going to miss lunch too if we don't hurry.  We can come back and finish later."

"Alright, let me get my bag," Hermione dashed across the room and picked up her school tote that was still completely filled even though it was a Saturday.  She walked back across the room and took his hand lightly.  "Let's go then."

They shut off the candles and walked out the door, blissfully unaware that a small snake slithered out after them.

**********

_(A/N)_

_Sorry that it took so long for this chapter to come out.  I had major writer's block, and it took me days to write each little scene.  Ah, well.  I have the next few chapters all planned out, so they should be out quicker.  Of course, I say that after EVERY chapter… but this time I really mean it!_

_This story is actually almost over, kind of.  I have about six more chapters to go, I think, somewhere around there.  She is only going to be back in time for another two, maybe three.  _

_Twenty points to Slytherin if you can tell me what the snake in the last line is.  It really isn't all that difficult, I like to be obvious._

_Please excuse any grammar or spelling mistakes in this chapter.  I am posting it before I get the corrections from my beta because people keep asking me to post, and I've been getting antsy to put it out there._

_Thank you so much to all my reviewers!!!!_

_I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!_

_Seriously.__  You rule._

_Jen aka VenusDeMilo_

_Shameless Promotion:_

_Go read my new fic, BLACK MAGIC_


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Lost**

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**Chapter Twelve**

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It was midnight when the small rat descended into the sinister darkness of the dungeons.  The way was lit with scattered torches, the flickering of which only added to the sense of night, and the rat made certain to stay in the brightest patches.  If anyone had been awake to see it, they would have been highly confused by the erratic behavior of the small rodent.  Not only did it frantically avoid the shadows, but it scuttled in a frightened, almost reluctant manner, almost as if it were aware of the dangers that the dungeons represented to one as small as itself.  

Of course, the casual observer would also assume that this was a normal rat.  

Which, in a way it was.  In looks, intelligence, and really any other category you could imagine, the rat was completely and utterly average.  It was the epitome of normal, nothing outstanding, nothing even particularly lacking, everything in order and the same, boring even, except for one small detail.

The rat was really a boy.

Indeed, despite appearances, it was really Peter Pettigrew who made his way into the belly of the beast, the inner sanctum of the dungeons.  He scurried along for a while more, pausing every now and then to sniff the air around him, hunting for the scent of another small animal, which he was to meet in only a few minutes time.  He paused in front of a door, sniffing madly.  It seemed that he had found the desired odor.

Looking around he spotted a small snake curled up under the tassels of one of the tapestries hanging from the ceiling.  He walked over to it, intending to wake it from its apparent slumber, when the snake uncoiled viciously and lunged at the rat as if to strike him.  In his surprise the rat recoiled and transformed into the small pudgy form of Peter, clutching a hand over his heart, and looking equally nervous as his rodent counterpart had been.

"Merlin, Lucius, don't do that," he said in a slightly squeaky voice, standing up on shaking feet and staring down at the hissing grey snake at his feet.

The snake gave one final hiss before transforming into the tall, imposing, form of Lucius Malfoy.  He looked at Peter in careless disdain, moving to open the door that they were still standing in front of.  "I wasn't going to bite, hard."

The two boys walked into the dark room, and Lucius shut the door behind them, casting a silencing spell as he did so, meanwhile Peter set about igniting the various candles that could be found around the room, obviously trying to create as much light as was possible.  Lucius watched him with a scowl.  "Afraid of the dark, are we Pettigrew?"

The smaller boy shot him a look and snapped, "Excuse me, but I'm the one far from my territory.  I don't want to be caught on Slyth ground."

Lucius shut his eyes in obvious disgust at the other boys' stupidity.  "And you think that setting the whole dungeon on fire is the way to remain inconspicuous?  No wonder you are a Gryffindor."

"Let's just get on with this, Lucius.  What do you want from me?"  Peter shifted from foot to foot, in nervous anticipation.  Lucius was the only one at the school who knew of his true allegiance, and it was not a comfort to be called on by him.

Lucius sneered at Peter's discomfort, and decided to draw out the meeting as long as was possible, if only to watch the other boy squirm.  "We have little over a month left in school, Pettigrew and I am no closer to accomplishing my goal.  Despite my best efforts, Severus Snape stay firmly rooted in his blasted neutrality.  I was making some progress earlier this year, he was sorely tempted by the illegal ingredients and books that I acquired for him, but now it seems that he is even farther from our side than ever."

He started pacing the length of the old classroom, a distinctively angry look settling over his features.  "I was given one assignment by the Dark Lord, to turn Severus Snape to our side, and I have had three years to do it, but it looks like I am going to fail," he ran a hand through his platinum blond hair and turned frantically to Peter, "You _know how he treats failure, Pettigrew.  He'll kill me if I don't pull this off, and I am not sure that I am only speaking figuratively.  We need Snape's name, and we need his money, and once he is out of Hogwarts it will be next to impossible to get him to declare any sort of allegiance."_

Peter nervously opened his mouth and after a moment of stuttering managed to speak, "Why is he so reluctant?  You said you were close earlier."

Lucius pursed his lips, "It's your bloody friend, Mya.  He would never do anything to upset his _darling Gryffindor slut, and Merlin knows that she'd have a problem with him practicing the Dark Arts."_

Peter looked slightly confused at this, "I thought you liked Mya."

Lucius snorted, "Not bloody likely.  I've been trying to get her to trust me.  I figured that if I could get _her on my side, then Snape wouldn't be far behind.  However, she has proven to be most difficult.  You Gryffindors and your sodding nobility."_

Peter looked like he wanted to retort to that, but thought better of it.  After a minute of watching Lucius pace he ventured another question.  "What does all this have to do with me, Lucius?  I'm not good friends with her, so it isn't like I'd have a better chance of getting her to turn."

"It has everything to do with you Pettigrew, although you're right about your not being able to turn her.  As if _you had the ability to manipulate anybody.  No, the only way to handle her is to get rid of her, and I'm going to need your help," with this Lucius stopped pacing and stood in front of Peter._

"Get… get rid of her?  Lucius are you mad?  I'm not killing anybody!"  Peter looked slightly green, as if the mere thought were making him sick.  To his very obvious surprise Lucius broke out laughing.

"Kill her?  What kind of person do you think I am?  Merlin, Pettigrew, and under Dumbledore's nose too, I'm not that big a fool," Lucius wiped a tear from his eye, and Peter looked relieved.  "However, I stand by my statement.  She needs to go, and I know just the spell to do it.  The less you know about it, the better, but I'll tell you this… we won't have to bother with her again for a long time," Lucius laughed at this, and Peter cracked a wary smile, although he had no idea what Lucius was going on about.  "All I need from you, Pettigrew, is a hair from Potter, Lupin, Black, and yourself, and for you to keep the marauders occupied during the main event, two very simple but very important tasks."

"What do you need hair for?"  Peter was extremely confused at this point, and was coming to the conclusion that his companion really had gone mad.

"Never mind about that, just get them to me as soon as you can," Lucius pulled a golden pocket watch from deep inside of his robes and gave a little groan.  "I'm late to meet Narcissia.  We'll discuss the details later.  Oh, and Pettigrew?  Discretion is the word here, we can't have your _friends getting suspicious," with that Lucius turned and walked out of the door, leaving a very confused Peter standing alone in the middle of the room._

~*~

Hermione sat in the common room practically buried beneath a pile of books.  The N.E.W.T.S were a week away, and she had put every spare minute into studying for them, including sending Severus back to his own room most nights.  This was one of those nights, and she sipped at a cup of coffee that she had nicked from the kitchens, drinking the caffeine laden liquid as if it were water.  At the moment she was going over her notes from History of Magic, making a new set of even more complicated notes, complete with color coding, footnotes, and cross references.  She furrowed her brow as she came across a particularly complicated trade agreement between the goblins and centaurs of Greece.  Opening another ridiculously large text she started looking for the obscure reference that she needed.

Behind her on the stairway to the boy's dormitories Sirius stood watching her, debating to himself whether or not to go try to talk to her.  The pair hadn't spoken since the Whomping Willow incident, and it was getting to the point where he wondered if they would ever speak again.  He bit his lip and moved down a few stairs before stopping uncertainly again.  Despite this silence between them he considered her to be his best female friend, and he couldn't stand the thought that he might have truly lost her.  He moved down a few stairs again when her voice broke the silence of the empty room, startling him so much that he nearly fell off of the stairway altogether.

"Are you just going to stand there and stare at me all night?"  She didn't lift her eyes from the book she was reading.  Sirius gave a little start before walking the rest of the way down the stairs to move into the seat beside her.  She put down the quill she was writing with and looked away from him.  "That wasn't an invitation."

"I think it was," she turned and looked at him and he continued, "come on Mya, you can't stand it either.  I miss you, and I know you miss me.  Can't we just be friends again?"

She looked down and sighed.  "I do miss you, Sirius, but I can't forgive you for what you did."

He grabbed her hand from under the table and squeezed it lightly.  "I don't forgive myself either, it was wrong, and I know that, but there isn't anything I can do about it now but say that I'm sorry," he ran a hand through his dark black hair, but didn't let go of her.  "We're leaving school in less than a month, we're going to go out and start our lives, and I don't want to do it without you."

Hermione sat with his hand around hers, and thought about what he had said.  He was talking about the future, about life after Hogwarts, unaware of the fates that would befall him and those he loved.  Tears started to well up in her eyes, thinking about the life he was destined for: betrayal, death, and despair.  Suddenly she felt horrible about causing him pain, when soon pain was all he would feel.  Besides, it was true that she missed him.  In the nine months she had 'known' him she had grown to love him, and all of a sudden she felt herself start to cry at the loss she had felt without him around.

"Oh, Sirius," she threw her arms around him and started sobbing, "I've lost so many people… I don't want to lose you too."

For a minute he was too bewildered to do anything, and then he came to his senses and gathered her up into his arms, holding her as tightly as he could.  Placing a kiss on the top of her head he drew away from her enough to look at her face.  She was all blotchy and red from crying, but to Sirius she had never looked lovelier.  He told her so and she broke out laughing, causing even more tears to fall.  Wiping them away he pulled her too her feet and then shut the books she had been poring over.  "I love you Mya, let's never fight again, okay?"  She smiled as he looked up at her with his big bright eyes and a lopsided grin on his face.  

"I love you too, Sirius," she gave him a hug, "and if you keep giving me those puppy dog eyes, I don't think I'll ever be able to be angry with you again."

His grind grew wider and he changed into his animagus form, jumping up on her and placing slobbery kisses all over her cheeks.  She pushed him off and winked, "Two can play at that game, _Padfoot," the dog looked at her, confused and she stepped back, trying to clear her mind.  A moment later she had changed from a girl into a black panther, bristling herself up so that she looked ever larger.  The dog's eyes widened and he ran over to sniff at her before barking merrily.  She then leaped at him, now covering his furry face with kisses.  A minute later they were running all over the common room, under tables and over the couches in a dizzying came of tag.  _

When the clock stuck two, they finally collapsed into human form on the couch, breathing heavily, and grinning at each other like mad.  Sirius kept looking at her with incredulous eyes, "When did you learn to become an animagi?"

A little wistful smile came over her face.  "Severus and I made a potion a few months ago, but I haven't really had the chance to stretch my legs in a while," she noticed that Sirius looked a little pale at the mention of Severus' name, but she didn't bring it up.  

Yawning, Sirius stood up and gave her an apologetic look.  "As much as I really want to stay up with you, now that we're friends again, we _do have classes tomorrow, and I am exhausted," he gave pulled her up off of the couch to give her a hug.  "Goodnight, Mya."_

"Goodnight, Sirius," she gave him a little kiss on the cheek and he beamed at her before bounding up the stairs towards the boys' dormitories.

She fell back into her chair, with a little smile on her face.  It was true that she hadn't forgiven Sirius for what he did to Severus and Remus; she doubted that she ever really would.  Still, he was right, it was done, and nothing could change that.  _I know that he's truly sorry for everything, and god knows he'll have the time to reflect about it. She shook a little bit, she was done thinking about the horror that the future held, or the mistakes of the past.  For right now she was going to put that all aside and spend what time she had left with her friend._

She looked over the remains of her notes, and sighed deeply.  It was much too late to keep studying.  With a few simple spells her work organized itself and shrunk to fit inside a little folder that was labeled "History of Magic."  She picked up the folder and smiled.  Severus had taught her the spells a few weeks ago when he saw how cluttered her room was becoming with the mountains of notes and books.  It was right useful for her homework, and she had even started using the organizational spells on her closet when she couldn't be hassled to keep it orderly.

She trudged up the stairs to her room, feeling as if her feet were going to fall off.  Her sudden burst of energy for running around the common room was already taking its toll, and she couldn't wait to curl up in bed.  She went to turn the handle to the door, and cocked her head in surprise as she found that it was locked.

_That's funny, I don't remember locking it. She thought, as she used an unlocking spell and pushed the door open.  She entered the room and shut the door again, before walking over to her desk to deposit her notes.  Satisfied that all of her things were in place she undressed and made her way over to the bed.  _

Sleepily she pulled back the covers, and was about to climb in bed, when she realized why the door had been locked.  Severus was lying in her bed, fast asleep.  She smiled as he turned over towards her, mumbling something about a potion.  She had sent him away earlier in the evening, when she decided to go study, but apparently he hadn't gone anywhere.  Not that she blamed him; she knew how much he hated sleeping in Slytherin.  Actually, she was glad that he had stayed.  After spending so much time with him, it was becoming hard for her to fall asleep without him next to her.  

Slipping into bed, she snuggled up close to his sleeping form.  He was nice and warm, and instinctively put his arms around her once she got near.  Hermione sighed and lay her head down on his shoulder.  A smile was plastered over her face, and she doubted that anything could take it away.  She was more than ready for her N.E.W.T.S, she had made up with her best friend, and she was lying in bed next to the man she loved.  

_My world is perfect, she thought, as she drifted off into sleep._

Little did she know that she couldn't be more wrong.

~*~

Hermione flopped backwards onto her bed, letting out a melodramatic groan.  "I am _so glad that the N.E.W.T.S are over!"  _

Severus laughed at her from across the room, where he was sitting on her chair.  "Don't lie, Mya.  You know you loved every minute of it, I watched you studying for those tests, and you were in your element."

She grinned, "Okay, so maybe I enjoyed them.  Still, I am glad that it's finished," she scooted backwards up the bed until she was resting against the headboard.  Their last N.E.W.T ended an hour ago, but they had just gotten back to her room.  The seventh year Gryffindors were partying in the common room, and were reluctant to let her escape from the festivities.  She had finally claimed a headache, and slipped away, to find Severus waiting patiently for her in the chair where he now sat.

She watched him as he played with a pen, obviously unsure of how to use it.  It amused her to no end that someone as brilliant as he was could be so confounded by the simplest of muggle inventions.  He kept clicking the button at the top, completely oblivious to the fact that the ball point kept making ink marks all over his hand.  Getting up from the bed she walked over and took the pen from him, grinning, "You know, I'm going to have to take you into the muggle world sometime.  I think you'd have a heart attack if I took you into the city."

He looked at her for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to tell her something.  She raised an eye brow and settled back on the bed.  "Yes?"

Taking a deep breath he tried to act casually, "I was just wondering what your plans were for after graduation."

"Oh," she furrowed her brow a bit, "I'm not really sure.  I guess I'll go home with Minerva, where ever home is for her, and then…" she shrugged.  "Either it's off to university or back to Hogwarts until I figure it all out."

He cleared his throat and made his face impassive, and she suppressed a grin.  It was the face he took when he was going to ask or say something important, but didn't want her to know how much it meant to him.  With his laziest drawl he said, "Perhaps you would consider an alternate plan?"

"What did you have in mind?" She asked, interested.

"My family has a villa in the south of France, and it has long been my plan to stay there for the summer after graduation, perhaps longer depending on," he paused, "the situation in England," his face was now devoid of any sort of emotion, and she stiffened wondering what he was going to say next.  "I thought that, maybe, you might like to join me," he sat up stark straight in his chair, steeling himself for rejection.

A grin started spreading over Hermione's face, as the implications of that sank in.  Of course, there was more than one way to interpret his invitation.  He could merely be asking if she wanted to go on holiday with him, or he could be asking much more.  She tried to respond in the calm manner that he had, but she couldn't keep the excitement out of her voice.  "Are you asking me to join you for a vacation?"

He swallowed heavily and his voice shook just the slightest bit when he answered her.  "No, I'm asking you to come with me, live with me.  I want us to be together, Mya, not just," he couldn't help but sneer at the word, "dating."

She was smiling, but she didn't answer him right away, too shocked and happy to speak.  Severus continued quickly, "We wouldn't have to go to France, if you didn't want.  We could stay here in England, if you wanted," he paused and looked right into her eyes.  "I just want to be with you."

"Oh Severus!"  She launched herself off of the bed and onto his lap, hugging him and kissing him all over his face.  He relaxed against her and allowed himself to smile.

"Does that mean that you'll come?"  He asked, in the spaces between her kisses.

"Yes!"  She sat back and started babbling excitedly.  "Of course I'll probably have to go on holiday with Minerva for a week or so, and Professor Dumbledore might want me to come back to Hogwarts to visit, and then we have to make sure to get back so we can take our apparition tests, and…"

He cut her off by putting his hand over her mouth.  She covered it with her own and they sat for a minute looking into each others eyes.  His other hand made its way into her hair and he licked his lips, "So this is it, then?  We're going to live together."

She kissed the hand that was still over her mouth and nodded slowly.  With great care he took his hands from her hair and mouth and wrapped them around her body, picking her up and carrying her over to the bed.  He lowered her down onto the soft comforter and covered her body with his own.  She ran her hands along his face, beaming at him with a huge smile.  "I love you, Severus."

"I love you too, Mya," he kissed her deeply.

"I will love you forever."

~*~

Hermione stood in her room, marveling at how empty it seemed.  Her trunk was packed, and all of the clothing, books, and pictures that had made the room her own were careful stowed away, waiting for her to take them into the next stage of her life.  The graduation ceremony was to be held the next morning, and the Hogwarts Express was going to depart the day after that.  She was going to be taking the Express to London, before port-keying with Minerva to her home in Scotland.  When she had told Minerva of her plans to live with Severus after school ended, the older witch had nearly cried, glad that she was happy, but sad that she was losing her surrogate daughter so quickly.  She had arranged to stay with Minerva for a fortnight, and during that time the two planned to travel to the wizarding part of Rome, as neither witch had ever seen it.

While Hermione was excited about her holiday with her mentor, she couldn't help but feel slightly sad at having to be apart from Severus for so long.  Since she had started classes here, she hadn't been away from him for more than a day, even when they were just friends she at least saw him in the halls.  _Of course, she thought to herself, __you'll be living with him soon, so two weeks won't really matter._

She couldn't really believe that she was poised to move in with Severus Snape.  A year ago she would have gagged at the idea, and now here she was, looking forward to it as the greatest thing in her life.   She had gone through so much in this school year.  In one misstep she had lost one life, and gained another.  It was true that she still mourned for the loss of her parents and old friends, but the life she had gained… well, she wouldn't trade it for the entire world.

There was a nock on her door and she pulled herself out of her reverie.  She bounded over to the door, expecting it to be Lily begging for help packing up her room, and was surprised to see James standing there, looking slightly nervous.

"James! Come on in, what's going on?"  She ushered him into her room, shutting the door behind him.  It had been ages since she had really hung out with James.  Since he had proposed to Lily two weeks before the two were seldom apart.  He was running a hand through his messy black hair and he looked very nervous.  "Is something wrong?"  She cocked her head sympathetically, "Did you and Lily have a row?"

"No, I'm fine, just nerves, I guess," he looked at her with a strange expression, "It's a very important day."

"I know, I'm already jittery about the ceremony tomorrow."  She smiled at him, trying to read his face, and failing miserably.  "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, um, you know what?  I could do with some fresh air.  How would you fancy a walk?"  He didn't give her time to respond before grabbing her hand and pulling her out the door.  Once he was certain she was following him he dashed down the stairs and out of the common room as fast as he could.  Hermione was very confused by the time that they were in the halls of Hogwarts, and she reached out a hand to grab at his robes.  "What?"

She put her hands on her hips, and narrowed her eyes at him.  "Something's up with you, and I want to know what it is."

For a minute he seemed at a loss, and then his face perked up.  "It's just that we, the marauders that is, have a sort of surprise for you.  Call it a going away present."

One of her eyebrows lifted in skepticism, but she nodded anyway.  "Alright, although you know I hate surprises."

He just gave her a quick smile before pulling her down the corridors again.  They walked in silence out to the grounds, with James becoming more and more edgy with every step he took.  Finally they reached a large tree near the Care of Magical Creatures corrals, and James stopped walking.  He opened his mouth to say something when he spied something over her shoulder.  Hermione turned around to see Remus, Sirius, and Peter all jogging towards them, looking, if it was possible, even more nervous than James.

"We've got about five minutes," Sirius said, completely ignoring Hermione and walking over to James.  The four boys then huddled together, and started talking.

Hermione stood there for a minute, completely confused by their behavior.  "It's nice to see you too, guys," she said dryly, knowing that they weren't paying attention.  She stood there, becoming very bored and pissed off when she noticed something odd about James.  She took a step closer, her eyes going wide.  He wasn't wearing a ring.  Her breath became shallow as she started to slowly back away from the boys.  When James had proposed to Lily two weeks earlier he had bought himself a gold band as well, proclaiming loudly that he wanted everybody to know that he was engaged, and she remembered Sirius told her that he had yet to take it off, even when showering or sleeping.

She stepped farther away, trying to figure out what was going on, when James looked over in her direction.  He took one look at her face and realized that he had been caught.  He sneered, the boyish face twisting up in a way she had never seen before.  Remus and Peter caught this exchange and immediately rushed over to her sides, grabbing her elbows tightly so that she couldn't run away.  She looked up at them, terrified at the looks of hatred on the faces of her 'friends.' She struggled against them, but they were too strong.  "Who are you?"  She asked James, in a voice that was too harsh for her.

He smirked at her, putting a fake look of hurt on his face.  "It's me, Mya, its James, Gryffindor Quidditch captain, engaged to the muggle-born head girl, bloody king of Hogwarts.  Don't you _recognize me?"  He laughed as she glared at him, and turned to Peter, "Tie her up against that tree."  She started to protest but he cast a silencing spell over her so that no matter how hard she screamed, she couldn't be heard.  _

The boy who looked like Remus jogged a bit of the way towards the castle, and then ran back quickly.  "He's coming, we better start."

The other boys nodded, and Hermione started screaming harder, trying in vain to break the silencing barrier.  James walked over to her and pursed his lips, trying not to laugh.  "Don't worry darling, it won't hurt," he thought for a moment, and then laughed.

"Actually, it is going to hurt, quite a bit."

~*~

_(A/N)_

_This is like my longest chapter ever, with 5,000 words.  Crazy._

_Anyway, Hermione's little journey into the past is at its end.  The fluff is over for the time being, but don't worry, it will return!_

_I made this chapter almost extra fluffy because I wanted to give her some happiness before the shit hits the fan.  _

_Now, that is an odd phrase.  The shit hitting the fan.  Why would you want to throw shit at a fan in the first place?  Or throw anything at a fan, for that matter?  It seems kind of stupid to me._

_But I digress._

_Well, this chapter is kind of fluffy, with her making up with Sirius and having Severus ask her to live with him.  But, things get fluffy at the end of a school year and I wanted to give her some happiness before she goes back._

_You've figured out who 'James' is, right?  He is such a prat.  Don't ya wanna just kick him?_

_I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to update this, but I have been really really busy lately, and I haven't had time to write at all.  _

_Well, before I go, I just wanted to brag that_

_I JUST GOT INTO MY __FIRST__CHOICE__COLLEGE__!!!!  WHOO HOOOO!!!!  _

_Sorry, had to do that.  _

_VenusDeMilo_


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Lost**

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**Chapter Thirteen**

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Severus was sitting in his dormitory reading a book.  Most of the other Slytherins were frantically searching for their things, after leaving their packing for the last minute.  In his typical fashion, he had finished days ago, although he had to admit that most of his eagerness had to do with his extreme excitement about leaving.  Ever since Hermione had agreed to move in with him, staying at Hogwarts seemed like torture.  He still spent the nights with her, but the knowledge that soon they wouldn't have to sneak around, or deal with gossiping students made their treasured nights together seem like a cheap compromise.  So he had packed his things early, hoping that it would some how make the time pass quickly.  It hadn't; it just left him with a surplus of free time.  

So, he was sitting, again, on his empty bed, reading.  Not that he had been able to get very far in the book.  It seemed that every time he got into a good groove, someone would burst in, looking for sweaters or shoes or some such nonsense.  It had gotten to the point where he, in extreme annoyance of being disrupted, almost reduced a first year into tears, which was a considerable feat considering the famed stoicism of Slytherins.  Of course, that had only led to more distractions.  Mere moments after the boy had left his sister, a fifth year with a very short temper, had stormed in demanding to know what he had done to her brother.  The row they proceeded to have was actually a somewhat entertaining diversion.  At least she had been a fairly competent sparing partner.  Still, she had gone a quarter of an hour ago, and left him, once again, to sit edgily in the silence of his room.  

With a grunt he got to his feet and headed towards the dormitory door, deciding that he would go mad if he sat there any longer.  With the briefest of nods to his housemates he climbed out of the portrait hole and into the dim dungeon corridor.  Not quite sure of where he was going, Severus contented himself to simply wander towards the rest of the school.  It was a welcome change of scenery, and he felt as if time had sped up from its previous crawl.  Without even realizing it, he found himself outside, about to enter the rose garden.  After a moment's thought, he turned to his right, deciding that he would rather walk by the lake then the garden.  Just as he was about to set off, a frantic voice made him spin around.

"Severus!"  Narcissia Gruber, Lucius' Ravenclaw girlfriend, was running towards him with a horrified look on her face.  He watched as she drew near, gasping for air, as if she had been running for some time.  He was slightly confused as to why she was calling after him, they had always been civil to each other, but seldom spoke when not in the presence of Lucius.

"Narcissia, are you alright?"   He was growing concerned as she finally ran up beside him; the look on her face was enough to make his stomach drop.

"No…" she was panting, making it hard for him to understand, "Potter… Mya… tree… you've got to get there!"

Severus narrowed his eyes, and grabbed Narcissia by the shoulders looking straight into her eyes.  "Tell me again, slowly."

She took a long, shuddering breath.  "I was looking for Lucius over by the Care of Magical Creatures paddocks, and I came across Potter and his friends.  Mya was with them… I don't know what happened, but a minute later they had her tied to a tree."

He could tell by expressions that she was telling him the truth, unconsciously tightening his grip on her shoulders he asked, "Which tree?"

"The big one… next to paddock five."  As soon as the words were out of her mouth he took off running as fast as she had been moments before.  

He hoped that he was simply rushing to make a fool of himself, that she had misread the situation and that the boys were simply joking around.  The way which Narcissia had run up to him told him that wish would go un-granted.    As much as Hermione trusted the Gryffindor boys, Severus could never allow himself to drop his long running suspicions about them.  The way in which Black had almost killed him made his distrust grow even more.  No matter what Hermione said, those boys were dangerous.

A few minutes later he found himself at the paddocks.  He slowed his pace and tried to be stealthy as he made his way over to the big tree by paddock five.  If something was really going on, he didn't want to announce his arrival.  Coming around the gate behind the paddock, he saw ropes circling the large oak.  He narrowed his eyes and crept closer, wand out, straining to hear any sort of conversation.

In his effort to hear voices, he tuned out two pairs of softly approaching footsteps, and before he could do anything about it, Lupin and Pettigrew had him tightly by the arms.  He tried to wrench out of their grasp, but combined they were stronger than he was, and forced him to walk forward, in front of the tree.  Severus growled as they rounded the corner.  Potter and Black were standing there, wearing identical smirks, as they watched a helpless Hermione struggle against the ropes binding her.

"Let her go."  Severus said dangerously, as if he was in control of the situation. 

At the sound of his voice, Hermione started and turned in his direction.  There was obviously a silencing spell over her, as it appeared that she was trying to speak, but no sound was coming out.  He tried to give her a reassuring look, but she just kept screaming something inaudibly.

"I don't think so, Snape," Black's voice called out.  With great effort Severus tore his eyes away from Hermione and looked in the boy's direction.  He was sneering, but there unmistakable amusement in his eyes.  "Besides, this is _your fault."_

"What the hell are you talking about?"  He tried to lunge at the other boy, but the werewolf and Pettigrew held him strong.  

"You took her away from us, Snape.  Now, we're returning the favor."  It was Potter who spoke this time, closing the space between them.  "We know all about her little secret.  Not that she would ever tell us… you've got her so brainwashed that she's even starting to act like a Slytherin."

"Excuse me, but I'm not the one who's tied her to a fucking tree."  Severus growled, sending Potter a deadly look.  

"We're doing her a favor!" Black said, pointing at her.  "It isn't safe for her to be around you, Snape.  You'll probably get her killed, and we're not going to let that happen."  He walked up and placed a hand on Hermione, who looked at him in absolute terror.  "It's okay, love, we're just sending you home."

Severus cringed as Black used one of his favored pet names, and took satisfaction in the fact that she did as well.  Black turned around looking ready to continue the dramatics, when Potter stepped in front of him.  "Come on, man, we don't have much time."  Black looked slightly put out, but nodded in agreement.  

They turned to look at Hermione, pulling out their wands.  Severus started yelling in protest, but they didn't listen to him.  They both took deep breaths, and started a long incantation Severus had never heard before.

_"Chronos! Er utuf ehtot kcab reh ekat, ot nevesy tenin neet eninht neet ruofreb metpes!"_

The stench of dark magic was heavy in the air, as red sparks shot from their wands.  They enveloped Hermione completely, thickening to a sort of red mist.  Her eyes went wide and she started screaming again, pulling frantically at the binds that held her to the tree.  Severus broke finally broke free from the Gryffindors, who seemed to be at a bit of a loss, as if they hadn't truly expected the spell to work.  He tried to get through the mist, but it pushed him back and to the ground.  On his knees, he stared up at the writing figure of his lover, feeling more helpless than he had ever felt.  She caught his eye, and they stared at each other as the fog thickened and coagulated to the point where it was a syrupy wall.  A moment later, the wall cracked and fell away, but Hermione was no longer inside.  

Severus sat in shock for a moment, not ready to believe that she was really gone.  Then, with great effort, he turned around to face the bastards that had done this to him.  He wasn't surprised to see that they had fled the scene, but Severus knew that no amount of running would protect them from him.  He glanced back longingly at the place where she had just been before tearing towards the castle, bent on bringing her so called friends to justice.

Bent on brining her back.

~*~

Harry walked next to Ron down to Care of Magical Creatures without talking.  It had only been a week since Hermione's disappearance, but they already felt as if she had been gone forever.  Sirius and Remus had explained the situation to them many times, but it was still hard to believe that Hermione had gone back in time.  It seemed so surreal… but the men had pictures to prove it.  It had been one of the strangest moments of Harry's life, looking at a picture of his parents and Hermione, laughing and waving from the past.  Sirius and Remus told them a lot about their time with Hermione, but Harry was sure that they were skipping over something.  It was a fairly awkward something if the looks the men gave each other were any indication.  Despite their funny stories about their school days, there was an ominous feeling overshadowing the whole thing.  According to Sirius she had disappeared from their time the day before graduation, someone had cast a spell on her, and to this day they were not exactly sure what the outcome of that spell would be.  Dumbledore seemed to be fairly certain that she would simply turn up in the proper time after a few months, but it was the _fairly that worried Harry and Ron._

They reached the paddocks and looked around at their fellow Gryffindors, who were all unusually subdued.  The nature of Hermione's disappearance was strictly confidential, which meant that the whole school knew about it, and it had hit their house pretty hard.  While they all had secretly wished for Hermione to leave them alone at one time or another, her continuing absence was unsettling to all of them.  They never would have admitted it, but Hermione was the one that kept things running smoothly in the tower, and they were all somewhat lost without her guidance.

Ron was the worst.  It was no secret that he fancied Hermione, although after three years he still refused to admit it to her, and he had been positively broken at the thought of going for ten months without her.  In the past week he had spent a lot of time moping around the common room, petting Crookshanks and muttering things about her under his breath.  The fact that Sirius and Remus absolutely blanched when Harry had innocently asked if Hermione had dated anyone in the past, and refused to say anything other than she had didn't help Ron's temperament.  

Hagrid started on the lesson, but he seemed as distracted as the class was.  He'd had a soft spot for Hermione ever since she had worked to help Buckbeak back in their third year.  Even the fact that they were studying a very rare crossbred flobberworm/blast ended skrewet couldn't lift the large man's spirits.  After saying hello to the class he started in on his lecture, which was much less colorful than the class was used to.

Half an hour later they broke off into small groups to discuss possible food sources for the beast Hagrid had dubbed a Besflobb.  Dean and Neville joined Harry and Ron near the large oak tree, and they worked quietly in the shade.  Their peaceful studies were brought to a halt when a large red _thing appeared out of nowhere.  They jumped quickly away from it, as the obvious sounds of screaming came from within.  The rest of the class rushed over, and they watched as the strange cocoon type thing started to shake and crack.  The screaming stopped after a minute, as the thing really started to disintegrate.   The class looked on in absolute shock as the red thing crumpled completely, leaving the body of a woman lying prone in the grass._

With her hair in short, glossy ringlets and her being clad tight fitting seventies clothing, it took Harry a moment to recognize her.  "Hermione?"  He whispered, drawing close to her, with an air of disbelief. Kneeling down, he pulled her up by the shoulders to lay across his knee, stunned at what he was seeing.  A moment later Ron was by his side, picking up the unconscious girl.  "Pomfrey," he grunted to Harry, the concern evident in his eyes.  Harry nodded and they scrambled to their feet, completely forgetting the rest of the class.

The boys walked as fast as they could without breaking into a straight run.  Their only concern was getting Hermione to the hospital wing as soon as possible.  Dumbledore had admitted to knowing very little about the dark spell that had been used on her, those twenty years ago.  They had assumed, from some eye witness account, that it was designed to send her forward in time, and obviously they were correct, although they were not expecting her until the ending of the school year.  This unexpected turn led them to be even more concerned, wondering what else would be unanticipated from this curse.  Ten minutes later they were standing in front of the hospital wing, waiting for Madam Pomfrey to open the door.  

"Yes?  What is it?"  She asked as she opened the door.  "Oh, my!"  She spotted Hermione and pulled Ron into the room, directing him to place her on one of the empty beds.  "One of you, go get the Headmaster," she said, not looking up from her patient.  The boys looked at each other for a second before Harry took off back into the halls; it was obvious that Ron didn't want to leave her.

It seemed, however, that it wasn't really necessary; nearly as soon as he left the Hospital Wing he ran into Dumbledore, who was followed closely by Professor Lupin and the large black dog that was Sirius Black.  The Headmaster smiled kindly at Harry, directing him to turn back the way he had come.  With a somewhat strained voice Harry told them about the red cocoon and how he and Ron had rushed her to Pomfrey immediately.  The old man nodded his head cheerfully.  "Wonderful, Harry, tell me, has she woken up yet?"  Harry was about to answer her when Madam Pomfrey stuck her head out of the door.

"Good, you're heres, Headmaster," she beckoned for them to come in and continued.  "She's slipping in and out of consciousness, but she's been rather frantically asking to talk to you, something about Polyjuice potion."

The four men walked to the bed where Hermione lay sleeping again.  Ron was sitting in a chair across from her, looking bemused.  Harry went and sat beside him, letting the older men handle the situation.  Remus and Sirius were talking in hushed tones next to the bed, and Dumbledore was patting Hermione's hand, trying to get her to wake up again.  As it seemed that Hermione had no intentions of becoming conscious, he chose to watch Remus and Sirius instead.  They seemed to be arguing about something, and from what Harry could make out, it was about who should go tell someone about Hermione.  Harry was about to just jump into the conversation and offer to go tell whoever it was, when a choking sound from the bed drew his attention.

"It's alright, dear… you're okay now," Dumbledore was still holding Hermione's hand, as she struggled to wake up.

"Professor," her voice was thick, and it was obvious that the mediwitch had given her some sort of sedation.  "It wasn't them; someone was using a Polyjuice potion… James didn't have his ring…"

 The Headmaster made comforting sounds with his tongue and looked at her with a trace of regret.  "It's alright; we know they didn't do it."

She seemed to accept that, and relaxed a little against the bed.  "Oh, good," she tried to lift her head off of the pillow, "What happened?  Where's Severus?"

There was a very awkward silence in the room.  Sirius and Remus looked guiltily at one another, and paled a little, in a way that reminded Harry of when he'd asked about her past.  Dumbledore smiled sadly, and seemed to be at a loss for what to say.  Harry seemed to feel the way Ron looked, completely confused and not a little unsettled.  There was only one person they'd ever heard of with the name _Severus, and neither really wanted to think about why she would be asking for him._

Finally, Dumbledore spoke again, in a conciliatory tone.  "Hermione… the spell that was cast on you, it's brought you home."

She narrowed her eyes a little, staring at Dumbledore and asked in a small sort of voice, "Where's home?"

"It's 1997, Hermione.  You're back in your own time," he gave her hand a little squeeze.

"What?  How?  I… oh my god," her face fell, "that means that Lily and James…" Dumbledore gave a small, sad nod and Hermione's face crumpled.  

As soon as she started to cry, Sirius and Remus rushed over to her.  She looked up at them and started crying harder, but then sat herself up and wrapped her arms around Sirius, who was starting to look a little teary eyed as well.  Harry and Ron shifted uncomfortably, feeling very out of place.  Dumbledore seemed to notice this, and walked over to the two of them.  "Give her a little time to readjust.  I'm sure she'll be asking for you soon enough," he gave them a big twinkley smile and sent them on to their common room.

It wasn't until they were safely inside of Gryffindor tower that Ron finally voiced the question that had been dangling around Harry's mind ever since she woke up.

"Why did she ask for Professor Snape?"

~*~

Severus extracted the last wisp of silver from his forehead and placed it inside the waiting pensieve before sitting back heavily in his seat.  It had been Dumbledore's idea to catalogue some of his memories for when Hermione returned to the present time.  _If she returns at all the thought lingered for a minute before he pushed it out of his mind.  He had researched the spell used on her exhaustively, and he had discovered that it was almost fool-proof, which meant that it was certain that she would be back.  That was part of the reason he agreed to use the pensieve.  Knowing Hermione, she would ask a million questions upon her return, and he'd be dammed if he let himself be forced into a little fireside chat.  With the pensieve she would be able to get her answers and stay far away from him at the same time._

He closed his eyes, and let out a long harsh sigh.  It would all be over soon, this twenty year melodrama.  She would come back and he would be able to put her out of his mind for good.  He had wasted twenty years thinking about her, wondering what would happen when he saw her again, dreaming of a world where they never would have parted, and in a few months, he would never wonder again.  This horrible chapter in his life would finally be closed.

He harbored no illusions about what would happen when she returned.  The most likely scenario would be that she would be so embarrassed that she never spoke to him again; which wouldn't be a problem, considering the fact that she would be leaving Hogwarts almost immediately.  The other option didn't appeal to him, but it was entirely possible that she would hate him.  The boy she loved was nothing like the man he had become, and she would hate him for sharing a face with her long dead beloved. Either way would result in her running from him.  

Scowling he rose from his desk to stand in front of the cold fireplace.  Nothing in this world made him feel weaker than pining over a love lost twenty years ago.  In his time he had witnessed the rise and fall of Voldemort twice, both times in the precarious position of a spy, and through all of that it was _her face that haunted him at night.  Not those he had killed, not those he had saved… only her.  It was maddening, a man known for his stoicism and sarcasm reduced to nursing a broken heart.  _

Unconsciously his hand went into his pocket to finger the shiny silver disk she had given him all those years ago.  In all that had happened, he never let go of it, it was the only real proof he had that she had actually existed; they had never taken a picture together and Minerva McGonagall had taken all her things after she disappeared.  The magic on it was still strong, and after a few seconds the music he knew so well trickled into his mind, her voice washing over him as it had done a thousand times, never losing its sweetness.  It was all he had left of her, the only thing he would ever have of her.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn't hear the knocking on his door.  He grimaced and dropped the stone back into his pocket.  "Enter!" He barked looking at the door with an annoyed grimace.  He didn't have another class for an hour, and no student sought him out between classes… which meant that it was another teacher, and he was never in the mood to talk to one of them.

His suspicions turned out to be correct as an ashen faced Remus Lupin slid uncomfortably into the room.  Although the two had come to an uneasy truce four years ago they were miles from being friends, and Lupin had never simply dropped by before.  Severus glowered at him, and smirked inwardly when the man's step faltered slightly.  "What do you want?"  He asked menacingly.  

Lupin regained himself quickly and stepped farther into the room.  "It's happened, Severus, she's back."

Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't that.  He narrowed his eyes at the werewolf, "What do you mean, 'she's back?'  It's only been a week."  There was no need to ask who 'she' was.

"I know, we didn't expect her, but she appeared outside during Hagrid's class."  Severus didn't respond, but he must have looked somewhat concerned because Lupin added quickly, "She's alright… Poppy has her a bit sedated to deal with the shock, but otherwise she is fine."  He thought for a minute before saying quietly, "She's asking for you, Severus."

At this Severus tensed and turned away from the door.  "I don't see how this is any of my concern."

"Severus… I…" Lupin started, obviously unsure of how to address the situation.

"It is not any of my concern, and if there is nothing else I suggest you leave," he turned around to face the werewolf, with a completely stoic face.  The other man hesitated for a minute before shaking his head and turning back the way he came.  Severus stood there unmoving until the door closed again.  

With a tired sigh he wandered back to the fireplace.  He wouldn't have to wait ten months after all.  The thought was relieving and upsetting at the same time.  No matter how much he told himself differently, he wasn't ready to let go of her, not yet.  He didn't even want to think about how awkward classes would be with her in them.  The best he could hope for would be for her to avoid him at all costs, but he knew her temper, and it was more likely that she would be very vocal with whatever conclusion she came to.

He felt the beginnings of a headache prick at his temples, and decided that he had spent much too long in thought for one afternoon.  Pushing all thoughts of Hermione Granger out of his mind he summoned a caldron from the shelf and proceeded to brew the strongest headache potion he could think of.

~*~

_(A/N)_

_Well, FINALLY, here it is.  Please forgive any mistakes… I was so anxious to post this chapter that I didn't wait for my beta to send it back.  I'll fix all the spelling and grammar later._

_I don't know why this has taken me so long to post.  I guess I have just been so busy, that when I have spare time to write, all I want to do is sleep.  With a little bit of luck I'll get the next chapter out in a week or so._

_I was surprised at how many people reviewed/e-mailed me asking me to update.  I am so happy that you like this story!!  I can't believe that I'm on chapter 13 already!  It's almost over!!! _

_The only part of this chapter that I didn't like was Severus' little inner monologue.  It was harder than I thought to switch from young Severus mode to older Severus mode.  It'll be better next chapter, I promise._

_What else, what else?  OH!!!  I'll give TWO HUNDERED points to Slytherin if you can tell me where I got Narcissia's last name from!  The only hit I'll give is that it has something to do with Alan Rickman.  _

_I guess that is all for now.  A HUGE hug to all my reviewers (even those who threatened me with death if I didn't update… you know who you are!)_

_Feel free to IM me on AIM or E-mail me_

_Jen_

_Aka___

_VenusDeMilo_


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Lost**

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**Chapter Fourteen**

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The dungeons corridors were thankfully empty as Hermione made her way down towards the potion's classroom.  She had been back in her own time for a week now, and she had yet to even catch a glance of Severus.  Part of that was because she had gone to see her parents for a few days, although she'd decided not to let them in on the time traveling accident, ignorance is bliss after all, but part of it was the very upsetting fact that he did not wish to see her.  Remus had broken that little bit of news to her, the day after she arrived.  Apparently his words were, "It is none of my concern," or something equally biting.  She rolled her eyes in disdain, as if _that could possibly keep her away from him._

Remus had tried to persuade her against going to see him.  They'd even had a small argument about it, the climax of which was him telling her "he doesn't love you anymore."  That had been a blow, although she didn't believe it for a second, it just served as a reminder that things changed over the course of two decades.  She shuddered, not even wanting to imagine having to go that long without him.  

She wasn't stupid; she knew very well that he wasn't going to just welcome her with open arms.  She couldn't even blame him, really.  After she left, he'd had to go on with his life, and she would have to be incredibly naïve to believe that he'd just waited for her all these years.  He hadn't had an easy run, she knew this even before The Accident; going from Death Eater to spy twice over.  There was no doubt that he was a very different person from the boy she had fallen in love with.

Still, Severus was Severus, be it at seventeen, thirty seven, or one hundred and seven; the essence of a person never changed.  Hermione had fallen in love with his _soul, and she'd be damned if she let anything, especially him, try to persuade her otherwise.  It wouldn't be easy, but they could be happy again, she was sure of it. _

The only problem was convincing him of that.

Her fingers flitted nervously to her throat as she stepped inside his classroom.  The necklace he had given her so long ago was still clasped firmly around her neck, the small ruby as important to her as oxygen, and she squeezed it tightly for support.  It reminded her that no matter what he said now, once he had loved her.  If Remus' warnings had been any indication, she was going to need all the reminders she could get.

She made her way across the empty classroom towards his office door.  Smiling, she remembered Dumbledore's seemingly innocent remark about Severus' whereabouts this afternoon.  Obviously the Headmaster was on her side of the situation.  True enough, there was light coming from under the door, and she took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself.  She straightened her dress, a simple summer thing, and ran a hand through her short curly hair, actually in an attempt to muss it a bit.  _He always liked the bed head look she thought wistfully, placing her hand on the door._

Pushing open the heavy oak as silently as she could, Hermione entered the office.  True to Dumbledore's word Severus sat there, bent over a stack of parchments with a quill dipped in red ink, obviously grading papers.  She let her eyes travel over him, drinking him in eagerly; she hadn't gone this long without seeing him in ages.  He was dressed in standard black robes, buttoned and perfect even though he was alone, his lank hair falling close to his shoulders, with a few stray strands lying over his pale cheek.  She choked back a sob as his hand with its long, perfect fingers brushed a lock behind his ear, as she remembered her own hands doing the same thing.  

"Severus," she whispered, taking another step into the little room, fighting the urge to just close the distance between them and fling her arms around his neck.

He looked up, startled, and in that instant he was unable to shroud his emotions.  It wasn't the look she was used to, the pure, undiluted passion, but it was a spark of something long hidden.  Something that let her know that somewhere inside, he still loved her.

It was gone in an instant, as he sat back in his chair, looking at her now with something akin to loathing.  To her surprise, the look didn't hurt her, but rather made her break out into completely inappropriate giggles.  _His eyes always crinkle at the corners when he's angry she thought lovingly, giving him a sad smile, aware that crinkly or not, his eyes were narrowed nastily.  She sighed, __Here we go._

~*~

Severus scowled at the essay in front of him, slashing through several lines vigorously with his quill.  Third year assignments were always the worst, the kids were so worked up with their new, and out of control, hormones that their papers were always disjointed and sloppy.  Filch was constantly muttering about sending them off to a deserted island until they grew up a little bit, and at times like this, Severus was bound to agree. 

Dipping his quill back into the bright red ink he prepared to go through Galt, John's assignment, when he heard his name whispered softly, in a way he hadn't heard for many, many years.  Looking up, he saw her standing there, tears in her eyes, looking as she had every night in his dreams.  Only here she was real and standing right before him.

He took in her appearance greedily, starving for it after years of absence.  She was wearing a white summer dress that stood out like a beacon against the dreary darkness of the dungeons, with hair in charming disarray; the soft curls of their youth, not the stringy frizz he had grown accustomed to.  His eyes lowered to her perfect pale neck, where the ruby he had given her so long ago rested against her skin.  For a moment he almost believed that he were seventeen again, watching her on that fateful October night, where she had looked so beautiful that he'd had to kiss her.  It lasted for only a second, before he remembered something Dumbledore had told him years ago, "It does not do to dwell on dreams."

He curled his lips into a grimace, throwing her the look that had made so many of her fellows cry.  It didn't seem to affect her, however, and she even had the audacity to giggle, _giggle, at him.  He sat back straight in his chair, staring her down with the deepest anger he could call forth, and said in his coldest, most detached voice, "Twenty points from Gryffindor, Miss. Granger, for your insolence.  I am your teacher, and you will address me as such."  She rolled her eyes at him, more amused than anything else, and he scowled deeply, realizing that his attempt to wound her hadn't worked.    
  
_

"Actually, at this moment, you are _not my teacher, so I believe those points are invalid, Severus," she grinned at him a little bit, in obvious hopes that this would somehow lighten the situation._

"What do you want?" He barked at her, angry at her presumption that she could just waltz in here, as if nothing had changed.

Her voice softened a little bit, "You never came to see me… I was asking for you."

"Your point being what, Miss. Granger?"  He turned his face so he didn't have to look at her, focusing instead on the bookcase behind her.

"Don't do this, Severus.  Don't pretend that you don't care," she said, admonishing him gently.

"There is no pretending involved, I assure you," he said quickly.

She nodded her head slowly, and crossed the room.  She sat on top of his desk, close to his chair.  "I know it can't just go back to the way it was, as much as I want it to," she said, trying to catch his eye.  "You've lived a whole life since… since we parted, and I didn't expect that you would just wait around for me.  But Severus, I love you, and I am not just going to sit by and let you pretend that you don't love me too."  Her voice started to crack a little bit, and in the depths of his heart he wanted to reach out to hold her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.  "What we have… had… can't just be erased by time.  Somewhere inside of you, you love me."  

"You love someone who no longer exists," he said, still not meeting her eyes.  "You love a teenage boy who has been dead for twenty years.  The sooner you realize that, the better we will both be."

She sighed deeply, "I know that you are a different person now, Severus; you grew up.  That doesn't change my feelings for you one whit; it just makes me sad that I wasn't with you for it."  She scooted forward on the desk, trying to get closer to him.  "We can start over; get to know each other again.  I won't just give up on us, and I can't believe that you would either."

"I gave up on us twenty years ago.  It's too late now, I don't love you anymore."  He said, turning to look at her, so that she didn't miss how serious he was.  "I don't know if I ever truly did."

He said it simply to hurt her, to drive her away, and it seemed to work.  Her eyes filled with tears and she looked as if she had been slapped hard across the face.  "Don't you say that!" She said, pain radiating off of her in waves.  "Don't you ever say that to me again.  I know this must be hard for you, but it is harder for me.  True, I was ripped away from you, but you _never had to hear me say I didn't love you."  She stood up off of the desk, her voice rising steadily, "I'm lost, Severus, I don't belong here anymore.  I don't belong anywhere except with you, because the only time I've ever been __home is when I'm in your arms."_

"Those days are gone, Miss. Granger.  I've moved on, and I suggest that you do too."  It was taking all his resolve to sit there stoically.  He so wanted to believe her words, but he refused to have his heart broken again.

"You've had twenty years, I've had a week!"  She was nearly shouting now, and no longer held back her tears.  "It was one week ago that I held you in my arms, made love to you.  It isn't just a long forgotten memory."  She looked at him suggestively, "I've still got the rug-burns on both my knees."  His eyes widened as he remembered the particular incident that caused those particular injuries the night before she disappeared.  She nodded her head, trying to calm herself down a little.  "Please don't do this to me, Severus."

He stood up and walked past her, careful to avoid looking her in the eye.  Unlocking a cabinet he pulled out the pensieve that he had prepared, setting it down on the table beside her.  "I'm sorry, it was unfair to deny the past, but I stand by my present position.  This should answer any questions you might have.  Take it and leave me in peace."  He sat back down in his chair, and picked up the paper he had been grading before she walked in, firm in the fact that he was done with the conversation. 

"Thank you," she said, softly, picking up the pensieve carefully, as if it would shatter to the touch.  "This isn't the end, Severus.  Not by a long shot.  I love you, and I will not just let you slip away."  With that she exited his office, crying quietly.

As soon as he was sure she was gone, he buried his head in his hands.  Their first encounter had not gone well, that was for sure.  He wanted so badly to love her again, to give the finger to his past and allow himself this happiness.  To hear her say that she loved him… it made his heart flutter and die at the same time.  _Once she uses that pensieve, she'll never say those words again. _

~*~

Hermione left the dungeons as quickly as her feet could carry her, crying softly and clutching the pensieve to her chest.  She had calmed her self enough to stop crying, but her heart still felt as if it was being ripped into a thousand pieces.  Hearing Remus say Severus didn't love her was one thing, but hearing the words from _his mouth was quite another.  Even though she refused to believe his words, they still cut deep.  Like she had told him, it might have been twenty years for him, but it was a week for her, and the wound was still fresh.  __Hell she thought __its still bleeding._

Reaching Gryffindor tower took less time than she expected, which she attributed to being so lost in thought.  She gave the password to the Fat Lady (Welcome Back Hermione) and climbed through the portrait hole, with the intention of going to her room.  Dumbledore had reinstated her title of Head Girl when she reappeared, and she found that her quarters hadn't been changed in her absence.  She smiled, Minerva had confided in her that no one could bring themselves to pack her things away.  But even this silver lining had its cloud; she realized that her room was the one occupied by Lily years before.  She got misty eyed every time she stepped inside.

Before she could even head towards the staircase, a voice called out her name.  Pulling herself together, she put on a smile and turned to face Ron and Harry, who were looking at her with twin expressions of concern.

"Hi guys," she said, turning all the way around to face them properly.  "Why aren't you in Hogsmede?"

Ron spoke first, a little awkwardly, "We knew you were coming back from your parents' today, and we were hoping to spend some time with you."  He looked at the pensieve, "but if you're busy or something…"

Looking at her best friends she broke out into a wave of fresh tears.  She had been so caught up in letting go of the past that she hadn't even started to reclaim her present.  Putting the pensieve on the floor she ran over to Ron, throwing her arms around his neck and sobbing into his chest.  He patted her on the back for a minute before she broke away and gave Harry the same treatment.  To his credit, Harry was much less embarrassed by the display of affection, and pulled Hermione closer into a huge bear hug.  After a minute she broke away again, wiping the tears from her eyes and grabbing a hand from each of them.

"I'm so sorry, guys.  I've been so caught up in everything, it must seem like I don't care about you at all," she squeezed their hands, sniffling a little bit.  "I missed you both so much… you have no idea how wonderful it is to be able to see you again."

This seemed to smooth over whatever awkwardness or trepidation the boys felt towards her, and they smiled widely, causing her to hug them both again.  Finally, she let them go, and picked up the pensieve again.  "Let me go put this in my room… then we'll spend the rest of the day together, alright?"  They nodded happily to her, and she hurried to stow the pensieve.  

Once in her room she placed the pensieve safely on her desk, before fixing her self up a bit; her eyes were red and puffy, and her hair was in terrible disarray from running her fingers through it too often.  Once she looked presentable again, she picked up the small pile of pictures that Remus had brought for her.  The boys still hadn't heard her version of the past, and she figured that now was as good a time as any to tell them.  Glancing back once at the pensieve, she left the room and headed back down the stairs.

Harry and Ron were waiting for her on the big couch, sitting on either end so that she could sit between them.  She chocked back a small sob, it had been almost a year since they had sat like this, and up until a week ago she never thought that they would sit like this again.  Harry motioned her on with his hand, and she settled in between them, smiling as she sank into the fluffy cushions.

"We missed you too, Hermione," Harry said, taking one of the pictures and shaking his head a little bit, "it's weird… what were they like?"

She leaned over and smiled, looking at the picture he was holding.  It was Halloween, and she was standing with Lily, James, Sirius, and Remus.  They were all smiling and waving, and Sirius kept bounding around the picture, standing next to each of his friends in turn.  "They were wonderful, Harry.  I remember that night…"

Several hours passed as she regaled them with stories.  They were a wonderful audience, laughing in the best places and asking all of the right questions.  Ron even gasped out loud when she transformed into a panther.  It was a perfectly lovely afternoon, almost completely making up for her horrible morning.  Which, of course, meant that it couldn't last.

After telling a particularly funny story about Sirius during a potions class, a light seemed to flash over Harry and Ron's heads.  They had almost completely forgotten about her first day back in the hospital wing, but her comment about potions class brought it back all too clearly.  Ron asked her first, his eyes narrowed suspiciously, "Why were you asking for Snape when you woke up?"

Hermione bit her lip, and mentally swore.  She was hoping to avoid this issue until she had figured things out with Severus, but it seemed that fate had other ideas.  She looked between her best friends warily, trying to decided how best to approach the situation.  The last thing she wanted was for them to be upset with her; the thought of having them not speaking to her so soon after she had gotten them back was not appealing.  She took a deep breath as she contemplated their reactions.  Harry would be the most understanding.  While his dislike for Severus ran deep, he had found a grudging respect for the man after their fourth year, when they discovered he was a spy.  Ron was another story.  Hermione supposed that he had some sort of big brother complex with her, because he was always terribly nasty about the boys she went out with.  The fact that he regarded Severus as a mortal enemy didn't help matters at all.  In fact, if she knew Ron, he would probably storm out of the common room on a killing spree.  

She shuddered at that last thought; the last thing she needed was for another boy to attempt murder because of her.

"Well?" Harry asked, prompting her out of her reverie.  "Are you going to answer us or not?"

"You have to promise not to overreact, okay?" she asked, looking at Ron deliberately.  The boys looked at each other for a moment before they nodded in assent.

"We promise, now tell us," Harry said, looking more and more suspicious as the seconds passed.

"Alright," she sighed, "but you aren't going to like it."

~*~

A soft knocking on his door woke Remus up from an after class nap.  "Just a second," he called; rubbing his eyes and forcing himself to sit up from the couch that he had been peacefully sleeping on moments before.  He looked over at the other couch, where Sirius lay snoring soundly and gave it a kick.  His friend looked up at him mutinously, and Remus hissed, "Padfoot," as he walked over to the door.  Sirius gave a growl as he changed into a dog, and settled back into sleep.  

"Remus?" a small voice called, and he smiled warmly.  It was nice to have the Hermione he knew back, even if she was twenty years younger now.  He pulled the door open with a grin that she returned with a hug.  "Is this a good time?" she asked, noticing Sirius curled up on the couch.  

"Of course, come on in," he motioned inwards, and she gave him a grateful smile before plopping down next to Sirius, petting him absentmindedly.  The big dog woke up and barked happily, giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek before settling down in her lap.  "What brings you up here?" he asked, as she accepted a cup of tea he conjured up.  "I thought you'd want to see Harry and Ron."

She grimaced for a moment, wrinkling her nose.  "I spent all afternoon with them," she said, taking a sip of the tea.  "It ended badly though… we ended up talking about him."  There was no need to clarify who 'he' was.

"Oh," Remus said, understanding what that implied, "I take it they weren't thrilled."

She gave a dry laugh.  "Hardly.  Harry was alright… looked about ready to be sick though.  Ron… well… let's just say he made Sirius look like a puppy dog."

Remus snorted as the dog growled.  "That bad, eh?"

"He stormed off into the dormitory, and Harry only got him to calm down by bribing him with a ride on the Firebolt."  She shook her head a little bit.  "Honestly, Ron needs to grow out of this big brother act, it's getting old.  Although, I guess I can't really blame him for this one."

Remus raised an eye brow a bit, but decided not to comment.  If she was clueless to Ron's real motives, he wasn't going to be the one to inform her.  Instead, he looked at her sympathetically and asked, "Want to talk about it?"  

"Thanks, Remus, but it's really okay.  I've been through it once, I can do it again."  This earned her another playful growl from Sirius, who had now turned over so that she could scratch his belly.  She blew a kiss at him, before turning back to Remus thoughtfully.  "I went to see him this morning," she said, smiling grimly.  "He acted just like you said he would."

He shifted in his seat, a bit uneasily.  He'd hoped that she would give up on Severus, if only to spare herself the angst, but she seemed quite determined to rekindle the relationship.  "I'm sorry Hermione, I really am.  Still, I know you don't want to hear it, but, he isn't the boy you knew anymore.  Maybe it's really for the best."

She smiled ruefully, "The logical part of me agrees with you… but I can't just let go that easily."  She fumbled with a lock of her hair, "He gave me a pensieve to 'answer any questions.'  He wouldn't have done that if he didn't care."

This shocked him to a degree, but he hid it from her.  "Perhaps, but don't get your hopes up."

She shrugged, and changed the subject, apparently worn out of discussing her former lover.  "So, how are your classes going?" she asked, giving Sirius another hearty pat and taking a sip of her tea.

They talked casually for a while longer before she excused herself back to the dormitories to clean up for dinner.  He gave her another hug as she left, assuring her that his door was always open, should she need to talk, and was rewarded by the grateful smile on her face and the promise that she would take him up on her offer.  He closed the door behind her and turned to Sirius, who had just returned to human form and gave him an inquisitive look.  "Is there a reason you chose to remain canine for the entire conversation?"

Sirius nodded, leaning back against the couch.  "I have no intention of getting involved in her personal life anymore.  She's still pissed off at me for the last time, and that was twenty years ago."

"It was a week ago for her, Padfoot," he said pensively.  "We can't forget that."

"I haven't," he said, "but it isn't me that she has to worry about."

~*~

Hermione lit the candles in her room with a wave of her wand.  Dinner hadn't been as terrible as she had imagined it to be.  Things were tense between her and the boys, but she didn't get a chance to think about it with the bombardment of questions she got from the other Gryffindors.  She spent the greater part of the meal fending off questions about their parents, and what it was like to live 'in the olden days' as one first year put it.  As it turned out, Hermione had tutored Natalie MacDonald's mother, who had been a fourth year Hufflepuff named Jordan Baker.  Natalie was simply thrilled by that, and spent the rest of the meal gouging Hermione for information.

Still, it was a relief to get away from them and into the sanctuary of her room; there were only so many times she could repeat the same stories before going insane.  

She walked over to her desk with the intention of choosing a book to curl up with when she saw the pensieve sitting just where she had left it.  She stared at it for a moment, trying to decide if she dared enter it, knowing that it wouldn't be a happy story.  After a moment, she pulled up a chair and gave a sigh that sounded melodramatic even to her own ears.  _A perfect end to a perfect day she thought sarcastically, before dipping her hand into the swirling liquid._

~*~

_(A/N)_

_Well there you go!  The first meeting with Severus and Hermione in the future… er… present… you know.  He's moody, no?  _

_I know that the 'don't dwell on dreams' thing was said to Harry, but I am going to say that Dumbledore thought it was such a good line that he used it again.    _

_Can you tell me where I got Natalie MacDonald's mother's name from or where I got the name for the paper Severus was grading?  I thought that they  were a bit harder than my last question… _

_Let me see… what else is going on that you might be interested in?  _

_I am still working on this story… and there are probably four more chapters left, I think.  Maybe more, depending on my muse.  I still have to have her go into the pensieve, then get them together etc… and yes, this will end happily, for those of you who've been asking… this story is pure fluff… how could it not end happily?!_

_I am also still working on Black Magic, my other fic, and I will have the next chapter to that by Saturday._

_OH!!  There have been a few of you who have been IMing me, and I haven't been able to really respond.  My computer is being a bitch right now, and is doing all sorts of crazy things.  So, if you IM me and get no response or if I cut out in the middle of a conversation please don't take it personally.  I really do want to talk to you, it's just my computer acting up.  The best way to get in touch with me is still e-mail._

_Anyway, I think that's about it announcement wise.  Thank you so much to all of my reviewers!  I have over 600 now, which is just completely insane and wonderful.  I really appreciate you guys taking the time to review my stuff!!!_

_Also, a big thanks to my beta **Anitra **_

_Love and fluffy marshmallows to you all!!!_

_Jen_

_(E-Mail/IM GodessJen@aol.com)_


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Lost******

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**Chapter Fifteen******

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****

Hermione sat back from the pensieve, unable to do anything but stare at the cold stone basin.  Severus' past was one of the Trio's favorite things to speculate on, but what she had just witnessed was nowhere near anything they had imagined.  Tears threatened to spill from her tired eyes as she continued to watch the pensieve.  It was no wonder Severus didn't want to see her now; no wonder that he had treated her horribly for her first six years at school.  The past that haunted him was directly caused by her appearance in his life.  If she had never gone back, if they had never fallen in love, he wouldn't have gone to Voldemort. 

The guilt began to build and she felt the beginnings of nausea settle in the pit of her stomach.  

_No she thought, sitting up resolutely.  __It isn't my fault.  ___

__

The queasiness didn't go away, however, and she pulled herself up from her seat intent on a long stay in the bathroom.  She was searching for something to hold back her hair when there was a knock on her bedroom door.  Her brow furrowed as she went to unward and open the door.  _Who would be visiting me in the middle of the night?___

__

A blast of light assaulted her as she pulled open the door, and she gave a little groan as she covered her eyes.  After a moment she was able to look up again only to look up and see Harry, fully dressed and looking at her with concern.

"Why didn't you come to breakfast?" he asked, walking into the room.

Hermione looked at him, confused.  "Breakfast?" 

"Yes, breakfast," Harry took in her disheveled appearance and day old robes and frowned.  "It's nine o'clock; you do know that, right?"  She looked at him with such surprise, that he gathered that she hadn't.  "What have you been doing all night?"

"Severus gave me a pensieve," she said, still unable to grasp what had happened.  "I must have been in there for eight hours."  She sat down heavily on the bed.  "I lost all track of time in there, no wonder I am so tired."

Harry looked at her warily, chewing his bottom lip.  He obviously wanted to ask her about what she had seen, but couldn't come up with a tactful way to ask.  She sighed; it was just as well, she wasn't particularly keen on recounting the experience just yet.

"I think that I need a shower and a good, long sleep.  Do you think that you could do me a huge favor and get a vial of Dreamless Sleep potion from Madam Pomfrey?"  she asked him, with a pleading look.

"Sure," he said, giving her a sympathetic smile.  If anyone knew about wanting to avoid nightmares, it was Harry Potter.  "Try to take care of yourself, okay?  And, if you need someone to talk to…" he trailed off, shrugging a bit.  

"Thank you," she said, with as big a smile as she could manage.  

He gave her a lopsided grin and walked back out into the hallway, closing the door behind him.  As soon as he was gone she picked herself up and ambled into the bathroom.  She silently thanked the house-elves as the tub filled up with hot water and the soothing scent of chamomile flowers.  The sweet smelling steam and relaxing warmth of the water washed away all the thoughts from her mind, and she quickly fell into an empty quasi-dream state, concentrating only on the small splashes against the porcelain and the flickering light of the candles.  When her fingers and toes started to prune up she hauled herself up out of the tub, and climbed into a long cotton nightdress.

"Harry?" she called out through the bathroom door, as she prepared to enter the room.  "Are you in there?"  

"No," said a voice that was nothing like Harry's.  

Hermione pushed open the door, groaning. "Sirius?  I don't mean to be rude, but I don't want visitors at the moment, alright?"

The tall, lean form of Sirius Black was sitting on her bed, slightly obscured by the still darkness of her room.  In his left hand was a fat vial of a swirling liquid, and she guessed that Harry had passed her Dreamless Sleep potion along.  "Is that for me?" she asked, moving forward to take the delicate glass out of his hand.

"Yes," he replied, "Madam Pomfrey wasn't too keen on simply handing it out to Harry, so he asked me to get it for you instead.  I hope that's alright."

She gave him a grateful smile.  "Thank you, I'm really in desperate need of an empty sleep."

It was becoming hard for her to stand on her feet.  The memories from the pensieve kept pushing against the back of her brain, begging for attention, but she was just not ready to deal with them.  Lightly, she pushed Sirius off of the bed, where she started to turn down the covers, almost drooling in the anticipation of laying her head down on the pillows.

"Hermione," Sirius said, helping to uncork the vial as she slipped under the duvet. "Harry told me about… well, why you're so tired, and I just wanted you to know that when you're ready to talk about it, I'm here to listen.  Why don't you come and find me when you wake up?"  

"Thank you, Sirius," she said, accepting the vial of potion from him.  He looked down at her kindly, and she felt a sharp pang in her heart; the soft light of the candles made him look much younger.  Forcing her eyes shut she downed the vial of the sickly sweet liquid, and before she had the time to feel relieved, she was soundly, and dreamlessly, asleep.

~*~

Sirius opened his eyes, with the distinct feeling of Déjà vu.   Settled on the sofa bed in Remus' study he had been happily enjoying a particularly pleasant dream when someone started pounding on the door as if the castle was burning down.  Being a canine animagus had the useful side effect of an exaggerated sense of smell, so he could tell before he opened the door that it was Hermione who had roused him, yet again, from his sleep.  Stifling a yawn he rose from the bed and threw on a bathrobe before lighting several candles with his wand.  The pounding continued, and he jogged the remaining distance to the door and flung it open, catching Hermione in mid rap.

"Hermione, what's…" he trailed off as she launched herself through the doorway and into the room, where she promptly began pacing.

"I shouldn't be here," she said after a few moments, dropping onto the bed while cradling her head in her hands and sniffling softly.

"Of course you should be here," Sirius said, kneeling beside her and passing over a handkerchief, which she accepted gratefully.  "I told you to come to me when you wanted to talk."

"That's just it," she said, blowing her nose a little.  "I shouldn't talk to you about this, it isn't my right to tell you, but…" she ran a hand through her hair, "I need to talk to someone."

Tact was something that Sirius was not known for, but he understood Hermione's dilemma.  A Technicolor recounting of Snape's past was surely enough to make one require counseling, but she felt such a deep loyalty and, though he still hated to admit it, love for the man that she didn't want to do anything that might betray his confidence.  A flash of annoyance passed through him briefly as he wondered if Snape realized what he had in her.

"It's alright," he said, in what he hoped was a soothing voice.  "You can tell me everything and then Obliviate me afterwards, if it makes you feel better."  This got a half amused glare from her, and he grinned.  "Or you could leave that honor to Snape, I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

This got a full-fledged chuckle, although it was punctuated by the beginnings of a sob.  "That he would, I've no doubt," she said, handing back the handkerchief, which he threw to the floor.

"Why don't you just start talking, alright?"  Sirius asked, lying back against the pillows on the bed and pulling Hermione in to rest on his chest.  "Don't worry about betraying Snape or any nonsense like that.  I swear not to mention anything you tell me, no matter what, alright?"

She nodded and curled up closer to him, in a way that was reminiscent of himself as a dog.  "I hate time," she said, her voice somewhat hoarse.  "It's this horrible paradox that just laughs in your face.  There's no beginning, no ending, and there is no one to blame.  If Severus hadn't given me detention, I wouldn't have gone back in time, but if I hadn't gone back in time, Severus wouldn't have given me detention.  Still… everything that he went through… it seems like it's entirely my fault."

There was a pause, and he could tell that she was wrapping her mind around the complexities that time travel invoked.  He stroked her hair softly.  "You were right the first time, Hermione.  There isn't anyone to blame.  You have to remember that whatever happened, it wasn't your fault."

"It feels like it though," she sighed, twisting her fingers around the belt of his robe absently.  

Silence stretched on for several minutes, while Hermione seemed to retreat into herself.  Every few seconds she would draw a breath to speak but then let it out slowly, as if she thought better of it.  Sirius continued to pat her hair absently, while he searched his brain for how to handle the situation.  _What would Remus do?  _

_Get her talking the voice of his best friend prodded.  __She needs to get this out of her system.___

__

_Right, thought Sirius, nodding slightly.  __How do I do that?___

__

His inner Remus sighed heavily.  _You've got someone with you who knows the entire history of Severus Snape, and you're telling me you don't know how to start a conversation with her?  What have you been wondering about the man for the past twenty years?___

"Was Snape a Death Eater while he was in Hogwarts?"  He asked this question out loud, wondering at his own daring.  It was strictly taboo in the Inner Circle to ask about Snape's past.

"No," the reply came with force, but she didn't elaborate.

_Alright, he thought, __that got me no where.___

__

Inner Remus smacked his head in exasperation.  _You have to keep asking questions!___

__

_Oh.  _

"When did he become a Death Eater, then?"  

"The summer after seventh year," her voice hitched as she said this, but again she didn't elaborate.

Sirius realized that he was going to have to play twenty questions, as it were, if he wanted her to work through her emotions at what she had seen in the pensieve.  "Why did he go to Voldemort?"

Her tiny body stiffened slightly as she answered him.  "He hated Dumbledore.  First he didn't expel you when you tried to kill him," here Sirius shifted guiltily, "then he wouldn't believe Severus when he accused you four of casting the spell, and finally he refused to help Severus find a way to bring me back."   

_Of course, he thought, tightening his arms around her, __and no wonder she feels to blame.___

__

"Tell me about his time as a Death Eater."  She shuddered horribly, and shook her head, refusing to speak.  "Come on, Hermione, I know you don't want to think about it, but you can't just push it to the back of your mind.  Snape didn't show you just so you could forget about it.  If you truly think you can be with him, you've got to be able to deal with his past."

This seemed to strengthen her resolve, and she took a great breath.  "At first, he didn't do much of anything.  He was set up with a Potions Master, Evan Rosier, to apprentice, and little else was required of him.  Voldemort was more interested in Severus' money than anything else, and since Rosier always reported that Severus was progressing well and was adept at brewing Dark potions, he was left to his own devices.  When he wasn't brewing, he was researching the Dark spell used on me, trying to find some way to reverse it.  It went like that for about a year, until Rosier was killed by an Auror.  Since there were no other Death Eaters skilled in potion making Severus was thrust into Rosier's previous position supplying Voldemort with all of the potions he required, Dark or otherwise.  Two weeks after Rosier's death Severus attended his first real Dark Meeting to distribute his potions and receive new instructions.  It was horrible."

Pausing in her story, Hermione rose from the bed.  In the shadows of the room she looked as pale as a ghost, and twice as troubled.  Sirius sat up on the bed, but made no move towards her.  She walked back and forth in front of the bed, hugging herself and attempting to bite back tears.  

"Merlin, Sirius, it was awful.  They tortured a young Auror for information, and Severus had to sit there and watch.  If he had done anything, protested in any way, they would have killed him too.  Afterwards he apparated back to the cottage he was living in and was sick for hours.  I don't think he truly realized what he had gotten himself into until that point, and he saw no way out of it.  He didn't trust Dumbledore to help him, the ministry would have killed him on sight, and Voldemort would have killed him if he tried to just walk away.  There was nothing for him to do but to throw himself into his potions and to pray that he didn't do anything to draw attention to himself.  For the next two years he lived like that, brewing potions, going to terrifying meetings, and staying as inconspicuous as possible.  He became even more antisocial than before, locking himself in his laboratory for days on end, and not speaking to anyone outside of meetings.  He gave up on researching the spells; he didn't want me to see what he had become."  

Cringing, she shut her eyes tightly, obviously reliving the horrific things that she had seen.  There was nothing he could say to make it better; she would have to deal with those demons on her own.  Inwardly he cursed Snape for allowing her to witness them, no matter what the circumstances.  She crawled back over to him on the bed, accepting the only comfort that he could give her, a warm embrace.  "Why did he return to the Light side?"

"One night, at a gathering, they brought in a young girl, a muggle, who looked extraordinarily like me.  Several of them raped her, and I could tell by the look on his face that he was imagining that it _was me, and he was beside himself with revulsion.  It was midnight exactly when she died, on September 19, 1981.  The day I was born.  He took it as a sign, and instead of apparating back to his home, he went straight to Hogsmeade and then to Dumbledore."_

Hermione ran a hand through her already tousled hair.  The worry lines on her forehead looked almost chiseled in, making her appear a lot older than she was.  "He sat in Dumbledore's office for about three hours, talking without stop.  He told him everything that he possibly could, names, plans, targets, weaknesses… anything that he thought could be of some help.  At the end of his speech, Dumbledore asked him why he was turning himself in.  At first he gave another rambling reply about the guilt and disgust he felt, which was quite sincere, but somehow flat.  Dumbledore watched him for a few minutes afterwards before asking again, 'Why Severus?  Why come to me with all of this?'  For the first time since he walked in the door Severus looked straight into the Headmaster's eyes and said, 'It's what Hermione would have wanted.'"

A great sob escaped from her and she collapsed against him, utterly exhausted.  Sirius made soothing sounds as he rubbed her shoulders lightly.  The hard part was over; he knew most of what happened next.  She seemed willing to continue, however, so he let her finish the tale.  

"He stayed at Hogwarts for several days while the Headmaster tried to figure out what to do.  Finally, he approached Severus with two options; he could either turn himself into the Ministry, with Dumbledore's promise that he wouldn't be administered the Dementor's Kiss, as they were doing to all Death Eaters caught at that time, or he could become a spy until such time when Voldemort was defeated.  He chose to become a spy, again because it was what I 'would have wanted.'  The next year passed much like the ones before, except that now Severus was paying closer attention to what was said at the meetings and imparting anything of value to Dumbledore.  When Lily's sacrifice," both she and Sirius shut their eyes at this, "defeated Voldemort on that Halloween, Severus returned to Hogwarts, where Dumbledore welcomed him openly and gave him the post as Potions Master.  Not everyone trusted him, but they didn't dare contradict Dumbledore, so he was left in relative peace.  After the years he began building his life again, even becoming friends with several of the teachers.  Then I showed up, and he was forced to teach me, sit with me in his classroom day in and day out, and watch me put myself in danger, all without hinting at what was to come.  He even had to give me the time turner that would cause this whole mess."

Sirius shook his head, and for the first time in his life he felt sympathy for Severus Snape.  He was all too familiar with the strength it took to be around Hermione before the accident.  He'd only had to do it for three years, and even then none too frequently, and Snape had to do it for six, almost constantly.

"What now, Sirius?" she asked, looking like a deflated balloon.  

"I don't know, love," he replied.  "That's going to have to be up to you, and Snape."

After waiting for her reply for several minutes Sirius looked down and discovered that she had fallen fast asleep.  Shifting so that he could pull the blankets up to cover them he decided that it was probably for the best.  There was only so much that one could handle at a time and the poor girl deserved a little break.  He kissed her forehead lightly and extinguished the candles with a flick of his wand.  

Staring out into the darkness of the room he doubted that he would be able to sleep.

~*~

"You heard me correctly, Mr. Creevy.  Forty points will be taken from Gryffindor, each.  Unless you'd care to make it more?"  Severus looked down at the pair of Gryffindors, who were shivering slightly under his gaze.  He realized that he was being completely malicious in taking so many points off of them, but at this point he couldn't bring himself to care.  Just seeing the red crest on their robes was enough to send him into a rage.  "What, no answer?  Perhaps you'd like a detention to go with those points."

Creevy's companion spoke up in a small, scared voice.  "N… no sir, Professor, we're very… um… sorry, and it… ah… won't happen again?" she asked this in the form of a question, and Severus rolled his eyes.  _Gryffindors!  Never assertive when they need to be.___

__

"That is correct, Miss Weasley, it won't.  Now, get back to your common room before I change my mind and punish you further."  The very second the words were out of his mouth the two young lions speed down the hallway and out of his sight.  He turned the other way, intent on finding more students to terrorize, when he almost tread on the tail of a small tabby cat. 

Sighing heavily, Severus folded his arms into his robes.  "Spying now, are we Minerva?"

As he spoke the cat shifted and enlarged to become an amused looking Minerva McGonagall.  "Certainly not, Severus.  I was just making sure that you didn't frighten my Gryffindors too horribly."

He continued to walk down the hallway, with Minerva close beside. "Not to worry, no doubt they'll come across some insect crawling about the floor and forget all about the incident.  I suppose there are hidden blessings in miniscule attention spans."

At this Minerva gave a great chuckle.  "Well, aren't you in an agreeable mood this evening."

Stopping in his tracks to give her a withering glare he growled, "Excuse me, if I don't find much to be 'agreeable' about at the moment.  Now, was there something you wanted, or was it your intention to follow me around and annoy me all night?"

"While the latter does have its appeal, I'm afraid that it is the former.  Perhaps we could step into my office?"  She gestured to the door on Severus' left, and he did a small double take.  He hadn't realized that he had climbed so high into the castle.  He frowned, _Unconsciously__ walking towards Gryffindor tower, are we Severus?  One doesn't have to be Freud to figure this out.___

__

To Minerva he sighed, "If you insist, but let us please make this brief."

He followed her into the office, wincing as he did so.  While it had never truly bothered him before, walking into an office decorated in rich reds and gold was not something that he cared to do at the moment.  The large Gryffindor pendant hanging behind her chair wasn't helping matters much either.  He slipped into the chair closest to the door, and his escape route, hoping to retreat as soon as possible.  

"Tea, Severus?  Perhaps a mug of cocoa if you'd prefer?"  She asked mildly, obviously noting his discomfort.

Resisting the urge to snap a sarcastic reply he simply shook his head and uttered a terse, "No, thank you."

She pursed her lips, and conjured up a mug of cocoa before sitting down opposite him.  "I suppose I might as well just get on with it then.  I need to speak with you about Hermione Granger."

Severus felt a small bit of heat begin to rise in his cheeks.  Looking at his colleague indignantly he sputtered, "Certainly not, Minerva.  I fail to see how my private life, or what was once my private life, is any of your concern."

"Actually, this has nothing to do with your 'private life,' fascinating though it may be.  The fact is that we don't have any real idea of what to do with her, at the moment.  Obviously a time accident of this nature has never happened before, so we are not quite certain how to proceed with her education."  She paused and swirled the sweet liquid around in her glass, pensively.  "On the one hand, she has both technically graduated from Hogwarts and lived nineteen and a half years, thanks to her overzealous use of the time turner and the months she spent in the past.  Looking at those circumstances it doesn't seem right to keep her here, when she has already completed her education and is much older than the other students."

Severus tried to think on a purely professional level, pretending that this was just the case of another random student, and not the girl he had fallen in love with.  "I don't see what the problem is then, Minerva.  Give her a diploma and send her on her way."

She shot him a glare.  "It isn't as easy as all that, Severus.  While she has indeed _technically done all these things, there is still some debate at whether the ministry, or indeed anyone outside of Hogwarts, will accept it.  While she has lived nearly twenty years, her true age is only seventeen, and the muggle authorities, and most magical ones, won't count her as any older than that.  The same goes for her education.  If she chose to attend a muggle university, or apprentice magically, there would be a discrepancy between the numbers of years she has spent in school.  You could hardly explain to a muggle that she spent her last year in the seventies, and most magical employers will have problems with her education being completed in a different decade than the one she started in.  So, as you can see, we are faced with the problem of what to do with her."_

There was a silence as they both pondered the matter.  It was, indeed, a difficult decision to make.  There were inherent problems in sending her out into the world, but he also knew Hermione, and she would be utterly bored if she had to repeat the same classes over again.  A girl such as she required more of a challenge.  

"There is a possible solution," he said, after a time, mentally cursing himself for being about to suggest it.  "You could let her stay on at Hogwarts for the rest of the year, but engaging in Independent Study or Direct Apprenticeship rather than regular classes.  That way she wouldn't have to re-take any classes and she would have the required number of school years in a row."

Minerva thought about this for a moment, before nodding her head.  "That sounds like a plausible solution.  We'll have to bring it up with her first, of course, as well as Dumbledore.  However I'm sure he will agree to anything we think up.  I'll consult them both about the matter, and then let you know what we decide.  Thank you for your help."

"You're welcome," he said absently, wanting nothing more to be out of her office.  He nodded swiftly to her before rising from his seat and walking over to the door.  Just as he was about to step into the hallway Minerva's voice called to him from behind.

"You know, Severus, if she chooses Independent Study or Apprenticeship she won't be your student any longer."  He turned back to her with a half shocked glare, which she returned with a smile.  "Which is all I will say in regards to your 'private life.'"

It took him a full minute to stop staring at her, shut the door, and sweep away as quickly as he could down the hall.

~*~  
  


Hermione snuck out of Remus' study as quietly as she could manage.  She had woken up just as it seemed that Sirius was falling asleep, and she didn't want to bother him tossing and turning until she could sleep again.  Besides, she would much rather be in her own room at the moment.

She was a little embarrassed by the way that she had carried on earlier, coming to Sirius as a mess of nerves and emotions.  Normally she wouldn't be so overemotional in a situation, but reliving Severus' memory had been hard on several levels.  It was firstly upsetting to see him go through such horrible times. Secondly it was hard to watch some of the things he had witnessed.  She guessed that he had spared her from the worst of it, but she had seen several murders while in his mind, and none of them were pretty.  Lastly, she was bothered by the fact that all of this seemed to be directly related to her appearance in his life.  She knew, logically, that it hadn't been her fault, and his choices were his own, but she felt guilty nonetheless.  It was a lot to deal with.

Still, she wished she hadn't acted like a blubbering idiot.  While crying her eyes out and moaning had made her feel somewhat better, it wouldn't help her in the long run.    Right now what she needed to do was get her head together, so that she could go to Severus and tell him, in no uncertain terms, that his past didn't change her feelings for him.

Closing the door with a completely inaudible click she stole her way into the darkened corridors, thankful beyond belief that while she wasn't on 'active student' status, she wasn't bound by curfew.  Not that she wanted to take advantage of Dumbledore's generosity on this, she was going to head straight back to her room.

For several minutes she walked in complete darkness, trusting her memory of the halls to keep her going in the right direction.  While she was allowed to be out, she didn't want to attract Filch's attention, however fun it would be to thwart his attempts to give her detention.  Her plan seemed to be working well, until she ran smack into something terribly hard and fell to the floor.

"Damn it," she muttered, fumbling for her wand so that she could see what she had walked into.  Just as she was about to cast the spell for light, someone behind her beat her to it.

"Lumos," dark and deeply annoyed, she knew the voice immediately.  She turned her gaze to glare at the piece of armor she had run into before turning around to face Severus, who looked nearly as forbidding as the armor did.

"Hello," she said, wincing at how ridiculous she must look, sprawled on the floor.  

"Miss. Granger," his cold reply.  "Shouldn't you be up in your dorm room?"

She chose to ignore his tone and rose to her feet, a little put out that he didn't offer to help her up.  "Actually I was on my way back there, Severus," she said, dusting herself up and looking him in the eye.  

"Best you get on with it then," he said tersely, before turning on his heel and walking away from her.

"Severus wait," she called, running a few steps so that she could catch up to him.  "I want to talk to you.  I... I went into the pensieve..."  She let the sentence linger, and he stopped mid-step, tensing and taking a deep breath.

"Then we have no further business," he said, after a second, starting to walk away again.

"Yes we do."  She grabbed his arm lightly, and softened her tone.  "I want to talk to you about it... about us."

"There is nothing to talk about," he snapped, although she noted with triumph that he hadn't taken his arm away yet.

"There is, but not now.  Can we meet tomorrow afternoon?  After your classes?"  

He seemed to be struggling with his answer, but finally he wrenched his arm out of her grasp and muttered harshly.  "Fine, four o'clock."

With those words he stalked away, darkening his wand so that she could not see his progress.  Hermione stood watching the blackened hallway until the suit of armor coughed, brining her back to reality and prompting her to continue on her way.

~*~

_(A/N)_

_Hi!  Long time no see!  Let me first say that I am sorry that it has taken me SO long to update. Between real life, getting ready for college, family issues, and plain old writers block it took me a while to get off my ass and write this.  No worries though, I'm back on track and more chapters will be out soon._

_Many thanks to everyone who has reviewed and e-mailed me!  I appreciate it a lot, and I hope that this chapter doesn't disappoint you!_

_Also a HUGE thank you to **ANNE aka ****Bitch Bandicoot for not only beta-ing this chapter, but putting up with endless hours of listening to me bitch and moan; making me laugh with her terrible tales; and helping  me let out my inner bitch. Love ya, my  co-evil-twin-sister!**_


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Lost**

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**Chapter Sixteen**

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Hermione was beginning to think that the butterflies in her stomach had rabies.  

It was nearly four o'clock and she was walking as slowly as she could without attracting attention, trying her hardest not to lose her nerve and run back to Gryffindor Tower.  She had spent the entire night trying to come up with a game plan for her meeting with Severus because while simply bursting into his office and demanding that he lower his damned defenses was a tempting option, it didn't really meet her standards of a good idea.  What she needed was a way to get him to lower his walls without him realizing he was doing it, and that was tricky, but not impossible.  The solution had come to her well after dawn, when she was nearly delirious with lack of sleep, and had seemed like the perfect answer to her problems: Veritaserum.  If she could slip him some of that, he would have to be honest about his feelings, to her and to himself.  

Now, several hours of sleep and two cups of coffee later, she was seeing the problems inherent in her plan.  Not only was it illegal and highly unethical to drug someone, but she couldn't be entirely sure that Severus wouldn't hex her when he discovered what she had done.  Not to mention the fact that for her plan to really work, she would have to take it as well.

Still, it had taken her an awful lot of trouble to steal the potion from Remus' office, and she didn't have anything else up her sleeve that might possibly work any better than the bursting-and-demanding approach.  So, Veritaserum it was, and the butterflies were distinctly unpleased.

Finally, at five after four, she stood in front of his office.  She bit her lip, and curled her hand around the flask in her pocket, _Come on now… you're a Gryffindor!  Be brave!  Drug your boyfriend!  The thought made her smile, and without further ado she pushed open the door and entered the room.  _

Severus was sitting at his desk, staring at the door, and now her, with unabashed annoyance.  "You are late," he said in his familiar scathing drawl.  

"I know," she said, closing the door behind her and taking a seat, though he hadn't offered.  "I'm sorry."

"That doesn't change the fact that you have wasted five minutes of my time."  He frowned at her and joined his fingers in a way reminded her too vividly of Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.  "Well, get on with it then, what do you want?"

Hermione took a deep breath and tried not to flex her hand towards her pocket.  "You know what I want, Severus.  I want to talk about what is going to happen between us."  _Perhaps I won't have to resort to poisoning, she thought hopefully._

"Nothing is going to happen between us _Miss Granger.  While we shared a… romance… twenty years ago, there is nothing between us today.  Now, if that is all, I should like to get back to my work," he said, gesturing to several piles of parchment on his desk._

"No, that is not all _Severus," she snapped, cursing him for being so… Snape-ish.  "We are going to talk about this, really talk about this, whether you like it or not__." _

He narrowed his eyes at her, but made no further attempts to throw her out.  Taking this as her sign to act, she conjured up a steaming pot of tea, and two cups.  "I know I could use the caffeine, and I think you could too."

She held her breath as he looked at her tea.  Then, just as she had hoped, he nodded and rose from his chair, moving over to the cupboard behind him.  "Caffeine would be a good idea, as you are already giving me a headache."  He started looking through the shelves, no doubt in search of sugar; he had always complained that Hermione's conjured tea wasn't sweet enough.

This was exactly what Hermione was hoping he would do, and as soon as his back was turned she emptied the vial of Veritaserum into the pot.  She had briefly considered putting it in his cup only, but she knew that he liked to add his sugar before his tea, and would most certainly notice if there was liquid in the bottom.  Closing the vial again she slipped back into her seat just as he turned around, sugar bowl in hand.

The butterflies in her stomach returned with a vengeance when he added the sugar to his cup, and then poured tea for them both.  She fidgeted nervously as he settled back down into his chair and sipped from his cup, oblivious to what she had added in.  For a moment she debated just pretending to drink from her own cup, but she decided to be fair.  _Don't dish out what you can't take, she thought, raising the hot liquid to her lips and taking several long sips. _

_Time to test, she thought, inhaling deeply.  __What is something simple that Severus would lie about?  A light bulb flashed over her head, and she grinned impishly.  "What is your middle name?"  She asked, watching his reaction.  As close as they had gotten, his middle name was something that he would never divulge to her, for reasons unknown._

He glared at her and opened his mouth to reply, no doubt nastily, and nearly fell off his chair in shock as he answered her honestly, "My middle name is Sirius."

Hermione sat there for a minute, staring at him in disbelief.  No wonder he had never chosen to reveal that to her, sharing a name with his arch enemy wasn't something he'd find to be amusing, although she did.  Severus, for his part, was in a disbelief of another kind.  He had one hand clapped over his mouth, and the other raking though his hair, as he tried to figure out what was going on.  

"Your middle name is Sirius?" She asked rhetorically, more to herself than to him.

Severus heard her, though, and was compelled to reply.  "Yes, it is."  His eyes grew even wider, and he glared at her, with the beginnings of realization crossing his face.  "What. Did. You. Do?"  He asked, spitting out each word as if they left a foul taste on his tongue.

Hermione was also compelled to respond, and she did so with a guilty look on her face.  "I added Veritaserum to the tea."

"You did _what?" He hissed, dropping his traitorous tea onto the saucer with a loud clash.  _

"I added Veritaserum to the tea," she repeated, her voice rising.  "It was a stupid, immature, and unethical thing to do, but I would do it again in a heartbeat."  She put a hand on her chest and leaned in closer to him.  "My heart _hurts Severus.  Harry and Ron don't know me anymore, Remus and Sirius are twenty years older, and I don't know __them anymore, James and Lily are dead, and you, the most important of all of them, are slipping right through my fingers."_

She wiped angrily at her eyes, determined not to break down and sob.  "I'm not going to lose you, Severus; I've lost too much already.  I love you, and I know that somewhere inside you love me too.  I know it won't be easy, we can't just run off into the sunset, but for Merlin's sake Severus, we've got to try.  Starting now, where we can't lie to each other, we're going to find a way to make this work."  

Feeling as if she were about to jump off of an impossibly high cliff, she asked him in a whisper.  "Do you love me?"

~*~

"Yes," he answered, collapsing back against his seat, feeling something he hadn't felt in a long time, vulnerable.  It had been years since he had answered such a personal question honestly, and he found that he didn't care for the feeling. 

A relieved sob quietly escaped her throat as he said this, and she lowered her head for a moment to collect herself.  Part of him wanted to step in and control the conversation, but none of the diversionary comments he came up with were not what he honestly wanted to say, and so he was forced into silence while she thought.

Finally she looked back up at him with a calm rationality she hadn't possessed moments before.  Only the hand she had clasped to her necklace betrayed the emotion she felt.  "That is the best thing I have heard since I returned here," she said, her voice still somewhat shaky.  "It isn't, however, the answer to all of our problems.  It's a start, a good start, but there is a lot more we need to discuss.  The most important being this; do you want to have a relationship with me?"

"I don't know."  The look on her face conveyed her surprise at this answer, and he elaborated as much to explain it to himself as to her.  "It isn't a simple answer, Hermione.  For us to pursue a relationship would be horribly complicated, and I am not sure if it would even be possible for us to do so."

"This is exactly why we need to talk," she said.  For a moment there was silence as she formulated her next question.  "You have been avoiding me like the plague since my return.  I want to know why."

Since she had not asked directly, he was able to sit and contemplate his response.  There were many reasons that he had evaded her, but they mostly boiled down to one thing; fear.  Fear that she wouldn't love him anymore; fear that she would, fear that she never truly had in the first place.  Being afraid was not something he was used to, so he had done the only thing his mind would allow: he ran away. 

"It's complicated," he said, finally. 

"Explain it to me."

He shut his eyes, and began to speak, surprised at the ease in which his words came to him.  "All couples fancy themselves in love at seventeen, Hermione, but seldom is it real, or does it last.  I fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your view, was one of the rare people for which it was both true and enduring.  When you were taken from me, and when I came to terms with the fact that you were not coming back, I forced myself to move on, but my feelings never died.  They shifted and buried themselves deep, but they remained a part of me, to this very minute."

Hermione broke in at this point, furrowing her brow.  "Why, then, did…"

"The reason," he continued, as if she hadn't started speaking, "that I avoided you, and why I intend on continuing to do so, is that while I am sure of my feelings, I am not sure of yours."  He raised his eyes to look at her, with the most serious look he could manage.  "Cliché as it is, I've had my heart broken once, and I will not let it happen again.  I will not try to form a relationship based on what might turn out to be teenage fancy on your part.  I will not wade through the many other obstacles, and there are many, just to have you turn around in six months and declare this all a mistake."

A rueful smile passed over her face.  "I suppose you will not simply take my word on my feelings for you."  He shook his head, and she took in a deep breath.  "What will it take for me to convince you that this is not just 'teenage fancy,' as you put it?"

"I don't know," he said, his eyes still on his face, "But pulling another stunt like this is not going to help matters any."

Noticing that her muscles began to tense in an aggravated way, he held up a hand.  "It wasn't a good idea, Hermione, and I am not going to back down on that point.  However, what's done is done and though I am thoroughly unimpressed with your judgment, I will let it rest, for the moment."

Eyes narrowed, she appeared to be weighing the importance of arguing her point, before consenting to let the matter sit.  "We've come to something of a stalemate then," she said, carefully, "because all I can offer you is my word, and you are unwilling to take it."  Her grip tightened slightly on the ruby, he noted.  "Let's move on then.  You seem to think that there are many 'obstacles' in our way, I'd like to hear what you think they are."

"Not what I _think they are, Hermione."  She glared at the admonition.  "What they __are."  _

"A difference of opinion then," she said, evenly.  "Go on, list them."

He snorted quietly.  _List them, only Hermione would want to organize an emotional confrontation._

"Can you agree not to interrupt, or argue?" he asked, knowing that she would more likely than not try to disagree with him after every sentence.

"Yes, no interruptions," she said, although her _expression betrayed her reluctance to agree.

"First and foremost, then, is the difference in our ages.  While you might bring up that horrible sentiment of 'love knows no age,' in truth, it does.  We have different levels of maturity, experience, and even knowledge.  I am, if only by virtue of living longer, more emotionally evolved than you are."

The corners of her mouth were twitching slightly, as if she were fighting not to speak.  Not allowing her the chance to break in, he continued on.  "Besides the emotional aspect of the age difference, there are practical aspects as well.  Somehow I find it very hard to believe that your parents would be encouraging of a relationship between their only daughter and her thirty seven year old professor, of whom she always spoke ill.  This extends to the entire community, magical and muggle.  There are very few people in the world that would approve of a teacher/student relationship, even if I were to no longer be your teacher."

A conscious effort was made on his part not to point out that she would have even more trouble with the magical world when word got out that _he was the teacher.  He felt sure that she would not be able to hold her tongue once he made that statement._

As it turned out, she made the connection herself.  "You're worried that the backlash will be worse because of your past."

"I am not thought of in pleasant terms by most of the magical community, so yes, the backlash will be particularly nasty."  Something struck his memory, and he pointed out to her, "You remember the hate mail you received in your fourth year?"  

"Yes," she said, screwing up her lips into an unhappy smile.

"They will seem downright pleasant next to the things you will hear, if we were to be together."

"I don't care about those things!" she protested hotly.  "Let people talk, let them write and scream and shout.  Their opinions mean nothing to me."

"We are not only talking about opinions here, Hermione.  I was once a Death Eater, and twice a spy; I have accumulated many enemies over the years.  Some on the ministry side will take your love of me as a betrayal of them, and since I am already dammed in their eyes, you will be as well."  His eyes darkened, and he continued, "As for the Death Eaters, the reaction from them could prove to be malicious at best, and deadly at worst.  While they know of my previous duplicity, seeing me with a muggle born will be like an added slap in the face, one they will not take lightly."

Hermione rose from her chair, red with fury.  "Sod the Ministry, sod the Death Eaters, and sod bloody Voldemort!  This is between you and me, and no one else…"

She seemed ready to continue, but was not able to, as a deeply amused voice cut through her diatribe.  "Dear me, I do hope that I haven't interrupted anything, is this a bad time?"

Severus and Hermione turned around, wearing identical expressions of shock, to see Albus Dumbledore standing in the doorway, a very mischievous twinkle in his eye.

~*~

"Yes, this is a bad time."  Hermione cringed as she and Severus spoke at the same time.  Being completely honest with Severus was easy for her, but she did not want Dumbledore to but in on this conversation.  Judging by the look on his face, she reckoned that her chances of escaping his presence unscathed were about equal with Trelawney making another correct prediction.  Feeling that defeat was imminent she slowly sank back into her seat, watching him warily.

"How unfortunate," he said in an almost gleeful tone, taking the seat next to Hermione, and looking between her and Severus with the air of a child who had gotten a new toy.  He spied the pot of tea that was still sitting on the table and made a grand gesture of reaching for it.  "I think I'll just help my self to…" 

"No!" Hermione cried, laying a hand over the pot before the old man could reach it.

Dumbledore assumed a look of innocence and asked, "No?  Is there something wrong with the tea?"

"I added Veritaserum to it," she answered, absolutely horrified with the turn of events.

"I see," he settled back in his chair and smiled at her.  "Now, why would you do a thing like that?"

She covered her eyes with one hand and answered meekly, "I was trying to get Severus to have an honest conversation about the state of our relationship."

The old man nodded as if this was a perfectly acceptable answer, and turned to Severus with amusement.  "Is it safe to assume you had no had no role in this?"

"Quite safe, I assure you," Severus replied, casting Hermione a withering look.

"My, my, what a predicament," Dumbledore said, scratching his beard thoughtfully.  He looked between the two of them, and shook his head, chuckling gently.  

Hermione stared at him for a moment, nervously trying to decide what to say.  Feeling that there was nothing she could say to make the situation any better, she fiddled with her hands, praying to the gods that the headmaster would simply send them to their respective rooms to wait out to the potion.  She could tell that Severus was hoping for the same thing by the way he was leaning slightly towards the door, as if ready to break into a run and escape.

"Well," Dumbledore continued after his chortles died down some, "I do admire your creativity, Miss Granger, but, and I think Professor Snape will agree with me, some things should not be manipulated."  He turned then to Severus, nearly laughing again at the manner in which the younger man was sitting.  "I think you've suffered enough for now, Severus.  I suggest that you retire for the evening, unless, of course, you'd like to stay?"

Severus shot Dumbledore a glare that would have reduced a basilisk to tears and snapped, "You know perfectly well that I would _not like to stay."_

"Are you quite sure?  Is there any particular reason you don't wish to stay?" the Headmaster asked, with a serene smile that seemed to annoy Severus further.

"Quite, sure.  I do not wish to be here because you have an abominable personality when it comes to having fun at other people's expense, and if the way you are behaving at the moment is any indication you intend to have a bloody feu-de-joie at ours," he replied, standing and making his way towards the door.

Not fluent in French and unable to help herself, Hermione called after him, "What does that mean?"

Severus' face turned slightly pink, which was rare for him, and he muttered, "I think it means carnival, but I am not sure."

Dumbledore could not contain himself at that point, and broke out in loud guffaws.  Feeling badly, Hermione looked apologetically at Severus, who scowled and fled the room.  When the door closed behind him she turned back to the older man, who was wiping a few stray tears from his eyes.  Again there was nothing that she could find to say, so she let him ride out his laughter, fidgeting with apprehension.

Finally the Headmaster sighed and took one last chuckle before turning to Hermione with a more compassionate smile on his face.  "Aside from the obvious entertainments," a mutinous look from Hermione, "I did come down here with a purpose."  He looked around the dank dungeon office and gestured to the fireplace.  "Perhaps it would be more comfortable to talk in my office?"

"Yes, it would," Hermione answered lifelessly, standing up and following him through the fireplace.  It was true, she did feel more at ease in the warmth of the room, and with only a moment of anxiousness she sat down in one of his comfortable chairs.  

As she settled herself Dumbledore conjured up two steaming cups of cocoa and handed one to her with only a slight grin.  "Only cocoa, I promise you."

She accepted gratefully, happy to have something to do with her hands besides wringing them in her lap.  "What did you want to talk about?" she asked, feeling better as she sipped the hot chocolate.

He moved around to sit behind his desk, and cradled his mug in his hands.  "As you know, there has been some question as to what to do with you, given your set of unusual circumstances.  Several members of the staff," he gave her a pointed look, "and I have given much thought to the matter and have come up with a few options.  Of course, the ultimate decision is up to you, as it is your life."  

"Sir, I don't want to leave Hogwarts," she said, obviously meaning it completely.  

His eyes twinkled and he nodded.  "I must admit that I was hoping that you would say that.  Between you and me, you are one of the best students Hogwarts has seen in many years, and it would be a shame to see you leave prematurely."  He put his mug down on the desk and looked at some of the papers in front of him, tossing some of them behind him into the fire.  Finally he was left with only three, and he turned back to her seriously.  "I have in front of me three courses of action that would allow you to remain at Hogwarts.  Any you choose will be acceptable, but I don't want you to rush into any one of them, and," he locked his eyes with hers, "I want you to consider the future of your schooling, and not any other factor."

She understood that he was implying that she not think of Severus when weighing her options.  "Sir, my education is incredibly important to me, and I would never let anything… extraneous… cloud my decision on it."

"I expected as much," he said, and smiled at her again.   "While I do not condone your actions in the dungeons this afternoon, perhaps there is a silver lining after all, this is a matter that requires truth, and here we have the guarantee of it."

Blushing lightly she nodded and asked, "What are my choices, Sir?"

"The first option would be for you to stay on as a regular seventh year student, and graduate as normal with the rest of your class.  If this suits you, I am sure your teachers will give you ample time to catch up on the work you have missed."  He paused, giving her time to think about what he had said.

Hermione chewed on her lip before answering.  "While that does hold some appeal, just going back to normal, I don't think it would work.  I've already covered most of the material, and I think I would be unhappy repeating classes I have already passed."  

Nodding as she spoke, Dumbledore tossed the paper into the fire with the others.  "No one thought that you would like that option," he said as he looked down at the next paper.  "The second proposal I have here would also put you in student status, although not in the same sense as the first.  Here you would be a student participating in an Independent Study.  This means that you would choose courses of your liking, and research them on your own, reporting directly to me with reports and demonstrations of what you have learned."

This option appealed to her much more than the first.  "It would be difficult," she said aloud, staring off at a point behind the Headmaster's head.  "I'm used to doing extra work on my own, but not whole courses, and the responsibility to go and do the work would be greater.  On the other hand, I would be able to focus on only what I wanted too, and not what someone else has outlined for me."  She swirled the cocoa in her cup and frowned, working through it in her mind.  "I'd still like to hear the other choice."

"Certainly," Dumbledore replied, shifting the papers again.  "The third option we are prepared to offer you is this: a diploma from Hogwarts, since you have completed seven years of schooling, and the chance to apprentice with one of the staff members, as you would with an outside source.  All of the professors have agreed that you are more than ready to take on this challenge, and they have all expressed their desire to have you train under them."  He looked back down at the paper and then back to her with a sly grin.  "With the notable exception of Professor Trewlany.  Unfortunately she does not seem to think that your inner eye is strong enough to train.  I do hope you are not upset."

For the first time that day Hermione let out a real laugh.  "It won't be a problem Headmaster."

"Wonderful," he said, struggling not to laugh as well.  "I must point out, however, that as an apprentice you will no longer be on student status, and therefore will lose your title of Head Girl.  This also means that you will not be able to be housed in the Gryffindor dormitories, although you shall still be welcome in the common room."

"I want to apprentice," she said confidently, practically salivating at the thought of jumping right into training.

"I suppose it would be moot to ask if you are sure," the old man replied, nodding at her decision.  "Very well, I think that is a fine choice, and you have my full faith in your ability to succeed."  The previous paper found its way into the fire as well, and he addressed her again.  "All that remains to be seen is your choice of field.  I know it will be difficult to decide, but if you could…"

"Charms," she cut him off, looking almost as surprised as he did.

"Are you certain?" he asked, forgetting that due to the Veritaserum she was.

"Yes, I am," she answered, a slow smile spreading over her face.  "I'd never really thought about it, honestly, but ever since the first practical lesson, where we floated feathers, I've loved charms.  I think, no, I know I would be happiest pursuing that field."  She looked at him with bright eyes, her mind already churning with all of the things Flitwick was sure to teach her.

"I'm sure Professor Flitwick will be delighted to hear it," he said, standing up and shaking her hand.  "It is settled then.  It will take a few days to get the paperwork underway, but as soon as that is out of the way I'm sure you'll want to jump right in."

"Thank you, Sir," she said, beaming at him.  "I am truly grateful for this opportunity."  

With lightness in her step she turned towards the door, intent on going straight to Flitwick to tell him the news and to start planning what her apprenticeship would entail.  As she reached the handle, however, it vanished in a puff of smoke and she turned around to Dumbledore in confusion, "Sir, what…"

The michevious look was back on his face, and he motioned her over to the desk.  Her earlier feelings of dread rushed back up and she walked very slowly back over to him, wondering what he was dreaming up now.  Grabbing a small silver tin from off his desk he said, "Don't forget, Miss. Granger, that you are still under the effects of a very powerful, and potentially dangerous, potion.  We wouldn't want you to accidentally reveal some vital information."  With that he opened the tin and sprinkled some powder onto the fire.

Hermione moved forward, feeling much relieved that he simply wanted her to go straight back to her room.  With a sigh she started to come around his desk, "I'll just floo back to my room and…"

She never got to finish her sentence, because in her relief she had failed to notice Dumbledore speak into the flames, and now there were four very curious heads gazing at her from the fireplace.

"How fortunate that you were all together," he said to the floating heads of Sirius, Remus, Harry, and Ron.  "Miss. Granger has had the misfortune of mistakenly ingesting Veritaserum, and I think it would be best if she had some supervision for the rest of the afternoon."

She groaned loudly as four identical smirks formed on her friends' faces.

~*~

_It's here, it's here!  Please don't kill me in my sleep…_

_Anyway.__  Sorry that it has taken me so long to get this chapter out!  I've just started college (and am currently late to Latin) and it's been hard to find time to just write without getting interrupted every two nanoseconds by another person from my hall.  I've started in on writing the next chapter, and it should be out sooner than this one was._

_A bit of an explanation of this chapter, or part of it anyway.  I spent a while trying to figure out what to make Hermione choose as her subject to study, and I came up with charms because it isn't used quite so often as arithmancy and potions would be a plot twist that I simply thought would be too cliché and would take me away from my original goals for the story.  Charms seems to work though, it is a practical line of work and we all know she excels in it.  Therefore, Hermione is going to study charms._

_On a final note, I wanted to give everyone who has reviewed/e-mailed/Im-ed a gigantic hug and kiss!  You guys are awesome for giving me such wonderful feedback and I appreciate the time you take to do so.  A big thank you as well to **Anne aka BitchBandicoot for being my evil twin and for helping me with this chapter, being a beta and helping me finish my damn sentences.**_

_Jen ~ VenusDeMilo _


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Lost**

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**Chapter Seventeen**

Eighteen years of life, seven of them spent being frozen by basilisks, hunting dangerous criminals, and being tossed about in time, and nothing had prepared Hermione for the torture she'd endured in the past two hours.  As if the fiasco with the Veritaserum hadn't been enough Dumbledore had left her to be subjected to the cruelties of her supposed friends, who'd been entertaining themselves by forcing her to answer the most ridiculous and embarrassing questions they could come up with.  She'd tried to take it in good humour at first, tried not to take offense, but she was tired and heart sore, and her patience was running thin.  Sulking in the doorway, the point in her room farthest from her antagonists, she tried in vain to ignore the hysterical laughter coming from the four men.  She itched to hex each of them with everything she had, and her fingers curled around the wood of her wand longingly as she dreamed up increasingly horrid things to do to them.

"You're kidding, right?" Ron asked, wiping away tears from his eyes.  "You couldn't possibly have had a crush on _Malfoy."_

"You know very well that I am not," she answered hotly.  "You shouldn't laugh Ron, I know all about _your old crush on a Slytherin."_

The color drained momentarily from Ron's face, while the rest of the men sat forward, interested.  "You promised not to say anything," he hissed, looking uneasily at Sirius, Remus, and Harry out of the corner of his eye.

"You obviously have no respect for my secrets, so why should I have any for yours," she said nastily, pushing herself off of the door and stalking away across the room.  

"That's not fair," Ron said, jumping up from the foot of her bed to follow her.  "I'm not the one who went and did something stupid like intentionally taking bloody _Veritaserum.  Blimey, Hermione, we're just having a little fun.  You should feel lucky, you could have been expelled and on the train back to London right about now!"_

"For your information, I could not have been expelled," she rounded on him, hands on her hips.  "It would be completely impossible, seeing as I am no longer a student here."

This left him speechless for the first time since they had arrived in the Headmaster's office, and she smirked with satisfaction, walking away from him again and sitting primly at her desk chair.  

"Why aren't you a student here anymore?" Harry asked, looking perplexed and not a little frightened at the prospect of her not being around anymore.

"Well, I'm done with school, aren't I?  I've completed all seven years and passed my NEWTs, therefore I'm no longer a student of Hogwarts," she decided to leave out the part about staying on to apprentice.  It was a small revenge, leading them on like this, but at this point, she'd take what she could get.

Ron sat down heavily on the bed.  "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because I only just found out, and you didn't ask," she replied.  

Remus' lip twitched a little bit into a smile, and he asked her, "What are you going to do then?"

"Apprentice," she answered, realizing that Dumbledore must have already informed him of her choices.  "Charms," she added apologetically, knowing he might be disappointed she hadn't chosen to work with him.

He nodded his head, not looking at all slighted.  "An excellent choice, Hermione.  You'll be starting right away?"

"Yes, I'll begin next week."

"Blimey," Ron said, looking deflated.  "Next week… where are you going to go?"

 "I'm staying at Hogwarts.  I'm working under Flitwick."  She slumped in her chair and folded her arms grumpily, now that her game was over.

"Hermione!" Harry and Ron chorused, angry at being tricked.

"You deserved it," she said emphatically.  "You're being utter gits, all four of you.  If I didn't love you all so much I'd be hexing you into next year."  She waved her hand towards the door.  "I really don't think I can take much more of this.  I'd really appreciate it if you'd all get the hell out of my room."  Of course, she didn't really expect this to work, and instead of moving towards the door they sat still, watching her carefully.

_I just don't get any breaks, do I? she thought wearily, feeling her posture sink into sulking once more.  She knew where they were coming from, honestly she did.  It was in the nature of her friends, all of them, to try to find the silver linings in bad situations, but unfortunately for her the silver lining they had found was really just a part of her cloud.  They weren't being malicious, not really, and part of her was sympathetic to their attempts, however misguided, to help her out of her slump.  The other part, however, meant what she'd said about hexing them, and was rapidly losing patience._

"Hermione, we really weren't trying to upset you," Sirius said in a conciliatory tone .  "I guess we thought it might make you feel a little better, you know, to laugh a bit."

"You mean you thought it might make _you feel a little better," she snapped, turning away from them.  _

Ron narrowed his eyes, saying, "That's not fair, Hermione."

She shook her head.  "We're back to square one, Ron.  Maybe I'm not being completely fair, but neither are any of you.  If you _really wanted me to feel better, you'd just go away."_

"See, now, we're not just going to do that," Remus said, getting up from her bed and kneeling down beside her chair.  "Look," he said softly, more to her than to the rest of the room, "I can't say I understand what you're going through right now, but I know that if I were in your position, I wouldn't want to be alone.  We've obviously been going about this in the wrong way, so why don't you tell us what we can do," he paused, "_besides leaving."_

Hermione sighed deeply.  "Fix things," she said to him quietly.  "Just put everything back together the way it's supposed to be."

"Oh, I wish I could," he replied, pulling her into a warm and sympathetic embrace.  "I've wished that things could just be 'fixed' for the past twenty years.  It's just not that simple though, much as we'd like it to be."

"Why?" she asked, burying her head in his shoulder.  "Why can't things just end happily ever after?"

"You wouldn't want happily ever after, Hermione," he said, smoothing down her hair gently.  "Think about it, when you first went back in time, happily ever after would have been coming straight back here.  Looking back now, could you honestly say that you would take back all that time?"

"No," she whispered, fully understanding what he was trying to say.  "I wouldn't give that up, not for anything."  

"See?  Things may not always seem like they are working out the way we'd like them too, but really they are opening up new and better opportunities down the road," he shook his head.  "Listen to me, getting all philosophical."  Drawing back from her, he looked her in the eye and smiled. 

From across the room came a long and resounding sigh from Harry, Sirius and Ron who were all huddled in the center of the bed, clasping on to each other and wiping away non-existent of tears from their eyes.  "That was beautiful," Sirius said, pulling the boys closer, and winking at Hermione.  "Go on about opportunities down the road again," he said, clutching a hand to his chest.  "I don't think I got quite enough sap from that the first time around."

Remus and Hermione rolled their eyes simultaneously.  "Well excuse me for trying to be a good friend and make the girl feel better," Remus said standing up and putting his hands on his hips.  "All you three have been doing is antagonizing her."

Hermione snorted.  "Don't think that one sweet moment is going to get you off the hook.  You were being just as bad as they were."

Harry smiled broadly, happy that, while her eyes were still a little red, she was looking more like normal.  "Right then, how _do we get off the hook?"_

For a moment she considered another nasty remark, but it died before it made it past her lips.  The looks in their eyes were apologetic, and she knew that taking out her frustrations on them was unfair.  Instead, she smiled and said, "Bring me chocolate, and lots of it."

~*~

Ron hesitated before knocking on Hermione's door.  He hadn't really talked to her since the afternoon in the common room when she'd talked about, well, _him, and he wasn't particularly keen on another performance of it.  He winced at the thought of that day, his face flushing in embarrassment.  His outburst of anger had been the worst to date, and he knew now that it had hurt Hermione deeply.  At first he hadn't cared, the feelings of betrayal and disgust still too fresh in his mind, and it had taken two days of Harry, Remus, and Sirius each taking him aside to calm him down and diffuse his anger. It had worked, for the most part, though he still felt a wave of nausea when he thought of Snape and Hermione together.  It was a strange mix of jealousy, resentment, and disgust, one that he didn't really wish to explore.  Still, he had taken the basket of chocolates from Sirius' hands and offered to present it himself, with the unspoken understanding between them that it was something he had to do._

For a moment he thought she might have been asleep, and he began to place the basket down when the door swung open.  Straightening himself quickly, he offered the candy to her.  "Chocolate, and lots of it, just like you asked," he said, following her into the room as she went to place the basket on her desk.  "The others had to ah, talk with Dumbledore, so I thought I'd bring it myself."

She eyed him warily, and he realized that she was steeling herself for another outburst.  His ears went slightly pink remembering the way he had stormed out two days ago, in such a state of anger that he'd accidentally walked into the closet not noticing that he was already in the dormitory.  Offering up an apologetic half smile, he lingered by the door, unsure of what to do.

"If I can't lie, it's only fair that you shouldn't either," she eventually replied, motioning for him to shut the door.  Vastly relieved, he did so, careful to keep an eye on her as she slumped down at top of her bed.  

"Alright," he said, running a hand though his hair and shifting on his feet.  "They didn't have to go anywhere, I just wanted to come up and talk to you alone."

A silence stretched between them, and raising an eyebrow she asked, "Well, what do you want to talk about?"

"Look, Hermione," he began, walking towards her with outstretched hands, "I've really been a complete prat to you, and I want to apologize.  I shouldn't have been angry with you before, and I shouldn't have been mean to you this afternoon."

"No you shouldn't have," she replied, although her face softened somewhat.  "Although I guess it really would be too much to ask you boys to contain yourselves when faced with such an easy target."  She gestured to herself ruefully.

"Why'd you do it?" he asked, sitting down at the foot of the bed and running his hand randomly over the duvet.  "Did it have something to do with Sn… him?"  There was no way for him to keep the edge out of his voice.

"I took the Veritaserum because I was trying to force Severus to speak with me truthfully," she answered, looking away from him.  

Ron couldn't help the deep frown that crossed his face.  It was so _wrong to hear her use Snape's given name, especially with the affection he knew was behind it.  A sudden image of the formidable Potions Master with his arms around Hermione came unbidden into his mind, and he shook his head violently, trying to get the picture out.  _

"What do you want, Ron?" she asked softly, still turned away.  "I'm really not in the mood to hear about how horrible and disgusting this all is.  I've gotten that enough from Sirius, and I really don't need it from you.  So unless you've got something constructive to say I'd rather you leave than sit there and grimace."

"Why'd it have to be him, Hermione?  Why not Sirius or Remus?  Or even…" he cut himself, leaning his head against the bed post in defeat.

"It had to be him because there's no one else for me," she answered, pulling up her legs to rest her head on her knees.  "It could never be Sirius or Remus because they're just my friends.  I love them, just as I love you and Harry, but they could never understand me in the way Severus does… did."  

He turned to find her looking at him oddly, and his stomach suddenly felt very heavy.  "Or even… or even who Ron?"  She cocked her head to the side and asked with a sort of resigned sigh, "Or even you?  Is that it?"

His mouth felt like it was completely filled with sand, and his eyes went wide as he struggled to reply.  Of course that had been exactly what he'd meant, although he was finding it very difficult to admit it.  Instead, he sat there helplessly while she seemed to work out for herself exactly what was going on in his head.  To his great surprise instead of laughing at him, or throwing him out of the room, she moved over to where he sat and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Listen Ron," she said, shaking her head a bit.  "You _don't like me."  He opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off before he could begin.  "Trust me on this one."  Sitting back a bit she gave a little laugh.  "I went through the same thing with Sirius, he thought he was in love with me as well."  _

"But I…" he started, torn between bemusement and mortification.

"No," she cut him off again.  "You don't.  It's some sort of twisted best friend syndrome.  You're not as close with any other girls are you are with me, and somehow that translates into thinking we're meant to be together, or something.  Think about it Ron," she said, leaning forward.  "Really think about dating me… not just the romantic fun, but the relationship.  It just isn't something you'd want with me."

Unable to resist a command from Hermione, he did picture what it would be like to be with her.  At first, the usual images he'd often conjured up entered his mind; scenes of them kissing underneath the stars, or walking hand in hand down to Hogsmeade.  With her intent gaze upon him, however, the pictures gradually shifted to give way less appealing visions of fights over little things, arguments about Quidditch, nights spent alone while she was in the library.  "I… I guess not," he said after a fashion, slightly in shock as the little fantasy he'd built up began to melt away slowly.

She sat back, satisfied.  "It'll take some time to adjust," she said easily.  Then with a wicked grin added, "You could always ask Pansy to fill the void." 

He was still so bewildered that he simply nodded in agreement and muttered, "I'm sorry Hermione…"

"It's alright," she said, looking down at her hands.  "It's flattering, at least."

He glanced at her a little awkwardly and asked, "So, are we okay then?"

"I don't know, Ron, are we?"  She looked back up and then down again.  "I'm not the one who has the problem here."

He rose from his seat and perched on the edge of her desk, wondering how to go about asking the millions of questions that had been buzzing around in his head.  She'd managed to get most of the story of her relationship with Snape in before he'd gone mental, and the rest had been carefully filled in by Sirius and Remus.  Still, he didn't _understand it, and really that's where the problem was coming from.  "Tell me why you love him," he said, feeling a sense of morbid curiosity._

"I don't know whether that is the easiest or hardest question I've ever been asked," she said, falling onto her back and gazing up at the canopy.  "I love him because… because there is nothing else I can do _but love him.  With Severus I am always myself, nothing more or less.  With him everything seems comfortable and exciting at the same time.  We can sit and talk for hours, about anything, serious or trivial, or we can sit for hours in silence, with never an awkward moment.  We understand each other more than we do ourselves, and yet there is always that desire to learn more, to be closer, and even then it will never be enough."  She made a harsh choking sound in the back of her throat and said in a voice that echoed Snape's sneer, "Or at least there used to be."_

Torn could not adequately describe Ron's emotions at this point.  There were many conflicting points of view that were all vying for control, and it was hard to choose among them.  He'd never heard Hermione talk of anyone like that before, or indeed with that much passion behind her voice.  On the other hand it was Snape, bloody _Snape, she was talking about, and his stomach just wouldn't give up its sickened roiling.  But underneath it all lay a deep loyalty to her, his best friend for more than six years, and that part of him couldn't bear to see her unhappy.  This was the part of him that won out over all others and, although with some reluctance, he turned his eyes towards her and said, "Tell me about it."_

"What?"  Her head lifted up from the bed, eyes staring at him with mixed confusion and apprehension. 

"Tell me about it," he said, gesturing broadly.  "Tell me what's going on, what's making you look like your puppy got run over by a hippogriff."  As her eyes softened he held up a hand.  "Don't get me wrong, I don't like this any more than I did before, but," he gave her a shy smile, "it's my duty of the best friend to help make everything better, even if our opinions of 'better' are different."

"Oh Ron," she said under her breath, letting her head fall back with the start of a grin.  "Do you really mean it?"

"Of course," he said, rising from the desk to sit once more at her feet.  "I can't promise that I can give you any good advice but," he shrugged, "I'll listen."

He hadn't really expected her to accept, to open up to him after the way he'd treated her before.  The shame of acting so irrationally still hung over him, and he was already prepared for her refusal.  While Hermione rarely held a grudge, she often made exceptions for him, and he felt sure that this was one of those times.  She hadn't spoken for a minute, and he was about to make his excuses and leave her be, when he heard her say in a low voice, "Okay."

Despite the depth of what she told him, he couldn't help but grin, as he listened to her story and basked in the relief of her forgiveness.

~*~

"… and that's when Dumbledore came in," Hermione finished miserably, after having recounted the entirety of the conversations she'd had with Severus over the past few days.  To his credit Ron had been an amazingly good listener, never interrupting her or interjecting his own almost certainly negative opinions of Severus.  It hadn't taken nearly as long as she'd thought it would, and while she hadn't come up with any solutions it felt as if a small weight had been lifted off her chest.  

Ron looked a little lost for words at the moment, and she smiled at him, not at all surprised.  "You don't have to say anything," she said, giving his hand a small squeeze.  "I know it's all very complicated and dramatic.  It's just nice that you listened."

"It's really not that complicated," he replied, shaking his head as if coming out of a reverie.  "You're just making it out to be because you're emotionally involved."

"Are you serious?  Did you listen to anything I said?  It's incredibly complicated… there are the factors of…" she started to say, sitting back from him with wide eyes.

"You're wrong," he cut her off.  "It's just that you keep getting caught up in all of this _love nonsense.  Can't see the forest for the trees, that's what I say."_

"Love nonsense?" she asked, bewildered.  "Well of course I'm talking about love.  It's all about love, every bit of it."

"Okay, I'll give you that, it is about love, but it's the problem, not the solution," he said looking at her as if this should be obvious.

She stared at him for a moment as if he'd grown another head, "It's the problem, not the solution?  Have you gone daft?  Are we even talking about the same thing?"

"Sure we are," he said, summoning a bar of chocolate from the basket on the bed, seeming to enjoy her incomprehension. "Your problem is that you're making out love to be the cure-all for your problems.  Hand me that pillow?"

Wordlessly she handed him one of the pillows from behind her and watched in amazement as he settled himself back on it, munching happily on his chocolate bar.  She frowned when he winked merrily at her, and asked, "Alright then, tell me what I should do then, since I _obviously have it all wrong."_

"Well, have you talked to him at all?" he asked, shrugging.  "If I were you, I'd start there."

"Talk to him?  I've tried that, remember?  When he gave me the pensieve, and today in the office…"

He waved a hand in the air.  "No, no, no.  Those weren't _talks those were confrontations, going off about emotions and whatnot.  Not at all what you want to do."  He took another large bite of his candy before going on.  "If you keep doing that, going to him and dragging on and on about being true to your feelings and such, you're never going to get anywhere.  You'll keep saying to listen to your heart, and he'll keep saying to listen to your head.  Around and around in a bloody circle until neither of you can stand it anymore, and you just give up."  _

She took a moment to consider that, and was surprised at its validity.  They were both very stubborn, and it was unlikely that either would simply concede to the other.  Still, she didn't understand how he thought this was helpful rather than depressing.  "What else is there to do though?  You said yourself that I should talk to him…"

"Yeah, you should talk to him," he said "talk, not confront.  You were going on earlier about the conversations you two used to have, being amazing and all that.  Go have one of those."

"It's not that easy," she said, shaking her head.  "I can't just go down there, after everything that's happened, and be like, 'So Severus, read any good books lately?'"

"Yes, you can."  He leaned towards her.  "That's what got you together in the first place, isn't it?"

"Well, yes, but that was different," she replied. 

"Not so much as you think," he said.  "Look, you want to get back together with him, right?"  She nodded.  "Well, I'm telling you it isn't going to work by forcing things.  I can't believe I am going to say it, but I agree with Snape that you don't really know one another anymore.  My point is that you didn't know each other _then, but you spent all that time with one another, and figured it out.  Stands to reason that if it worked once it will again."_

"I suppose," she mused, the idea worming its way into her head.  "I suppose it _could work, in theory.  The problem is how to get him to talk to me.  He's already angry about this afternoon, and I don't think he'd just let me in for a little chat."_

"You're making too much of an ordeal out of it," he said.  "Don't think so much about it.  Just go down there and talk to the man.  Chances are he'll be so thrown off by it he'll end up in the conversation before he realized what's going on."

"Let's say," she said, furrowing her brows in concentration, "that this scheme of yours works, and I get him to talk to me, what then?"

"Blimey, I don't know, Hermione," he laughed.  "My girlfriends have never stuck around for more than a week; it's not like I'm some sort of expert here.  It just seems logical that if you're going to start this relationship again, you ought to start at the beginning."

"A very good place to start," she said under her breath.  Ron had a point though, and a good one at that.  Perhaps she'd been going about this in the wrong way.  Much as she hated to admit it, the relationship they'd had once was gone forever, but that didn't mean a new one couldn't spring up in its place.  "It would take a while," she said carefully, working through it.  "He has so many trust issues now, not to mention everything else he brought up.  Still, if we went slowly… it might work."  She looked up at Ron with hopeful eyes.  "It just might work."

She crawled over and gave him a tight hug.  "I know you don't like this," she whispered to him, "but I appreciate your help.  You're a real friend Ron Weasley."

Blushing slightly, he smiled, looking very pleased with himself.  "Right then, what are you waiting for?  Go on… I know you're itching to go down there."

"I've got another half hour before the Veritaserum wears off," she said, glancing at the clock.  "But as soon as it does, I will."

"Well," he said, standing up from the bed and smoothing out his clothes, rumpled from sitting so long.  "I expect you'll want to do whatever it is girls do when they get ready.  Besides, I should get going.  I'm pretty sure Harry, Sirius, and Remus are perched by the door trying to listen, and I should take care of that."  He paused before he turned the handle to the door.  "You'll be okay?"

"I'll be fine," she said, smiling.  "And thanks Ron, I mean it."

"Anytime," he said, giving a mocking half bow before heading out the door.

Letting out a long breath, she walked over and locked the door behind them.  Ron's idea seemed so completely obvious that she was embarrassed to have not thought of it herself.  With a little shake of her head, she walked towards the bathroom to freshen up before descending to the dungeons.

The half hour flew by in a mass of anxiety, and Hermione almost felt herself losing her nerve as she passed through the common room and into the school.  It struck her as odd that she was nearly as anxious about going to talk to him now as she was earlier, but then again this time he was sure to be even less receptive to her.  Cursing herself again for behaving so childishly, she turned the last corner to his office, determined to start fixing the mess she had created.

Drawing herself up straight and forcing the unease from her mind, she knocked loudly on his door.  There was no response at first, and she prepared herself to knock again when she heard Severus call, in a highly annoyed voice, "Enter!"

She walked into the room quickly, shutting the door behind her.  He was sitting at his desk again, this time apparently writing out lesson plans, and she cleared her throat to get his attention when he did not look up right away.  The surprise was evident in his face as she settled herself into one of his chairs again, a somewhat apprehensive smile on her face.  Before he had time to say anything, or to throw her out, she took a deep breath, praying that Ron was right.

"So Severus, read any good books lately?"

~*~

_(A/N)_

_Before you start sending me hate mail about Severus not being in this chapter, let me tell you that he is going to be the center of the next chapter, rather than Hermione.  So put away the howlers, okay? ;-)_

_Second, it was pointed out to me by Molly that this is a rather nasty cliffhanger.  Sorry 'bout that, folks, but I have my reasons.  I tried to add more, but it just wasn't working, so you'll just have to wait until the next installment._

_A huge thank you to **MOLLY (RHITmcshamn) for beta reading this chapter.**__  She did a fabulous job and everyone should bow before her.  She also supplied the first line to the chapter, because I couldn't think of a better one._

_A huge thank you to **Anne (Bitch_Bandicoot) for helping me with the story.**___

_And lastly a huge thanks to everyone who reviews/e-mails/Ims.__  It really means a lot to me, and you guys are wonderful for giving me so much feedback._

_Jen aka VenusDeMilo_


	19. Chapter Cookie End of 17

_*A few notes before the mini-chapter. _


	20. Epilogue

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**LOST**

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**Epilogue**

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 "Miss Granger?  You awake?  Its five minutes 'till Hogsmeade."

Hermione cracked open an eye to see the bored face of Stan Shunpike hovering over her.  "Thank you," she mumbled sleepily.  "I'll be down in just a moment."

Satisfied that she was awake enough, Stan nodded and walked back down the stairs to the first level of the Knight Bus.  Hermione waited until his head had completely disappeared from view before rising from the bed.  In her two days aboard the wretched vehicle,  she had learned that privacy was not something that the conductor was familiar with, and she was extra careful to keep his prying eyes far from her.  As she stood to dress and collect her things, the bus gave a great lurch that sent her hurtling towards the floor.  Wincing as she hit the hard ground, Hermione vowed never to step foot upon the purple monstrosity again.

It took only a moment for her to gather her trunks and shrink them to fit in her pocket, and another moment more to cast freshening and cosmetic charms over herself to banish the grubby look of a traveler.  Casting a last disparaging look at the bed, she made her way, slowly, down the spiral staircase to the ground floor of the bus.  There were several other wizards and witches heading down as well, and she was inwardly pleased to notice that she wasn't the only one who seemed more than happy to be departing.  

A crack and a bang later and the bus finally came to a stop in familiar surroundings.  There was a bit of a rush as the passengers pushed to climb down and onto the street, but Hermione was able to slip through quickly, and soon, she was standing in the midst of the bustle of Hogsmeade.  Though the streets were covered in white and the sky was rapidly darkening, there seemed to be no end to the steady stream of shoppers that raced along the sidewalks and into the stores in a last minute frenzy to buy presents before the shops closed for Christmas Eve.  Hermione was very relieved that she had nothing left to buy and was able to cut through the crowds to the road up to Hogwarts.  

As she passed by Honeydukes, she allowed herself to feel a pang of nostalgia.  Watching the faces of the young customers reminded her of her time as a student, but also reminded her how unlike a student she had become.  It was strange to be looking at the town as an adult, especially since it was the first time she'd seen it in nearly five years.  _Five years, she thought wistfully, dodging slightly out of the way of a group of boys engaged in a snow battle, __Five years is a lifetime._

She sighed and quickened her pace up towards the school.  Even though it had been her idea to leave Hogwarts in the first place, and she knew the decision had been the best one to make, she still felt the twinges of regret when she thought of it.  _There was no other choice,_ she thought, biting her lip._  Truly, there hadn't been.  By the end of her first year of apprenticeship it was clear to everyone on the staff that Hogwarts was not the place for Hermione.  First there were the students, who had known her as a peer and refused to let go of that notion and rejected her authority.  Next there was Filius who, while a Master at Charms and a highly intelligent man, hadn't taken an apprentice in years and faced with one as precocious as Hermione was at a loss for how to properly instruct her.  Then there was the problem of trying to grow up in her childhood home.  _

Growing up; that was the reason she always gave when someone asked her why she decided to leave the school.  "Hogwarts is like a second home," was the much rehearsed line she would give, "and it's impossible to learn to fly when you stay at home in the nest."  She shook her head, it made sense in a rational way, and the move away _had_ helped her to grow up, but now, as she was returning, she felt that she should admit to herself the truth; she had left because of Severus.

The last time she'd talked to him, really talked to him, was in his office six and a half years ago after the infamous Veritaserum incident.  He'd told her to grow up, and not to return until she did, and she'd taken him seriously.  After the encounter she'd cried for days, and very nearly fell into a depression, but she hadn't turned back.  She'd loved him too much to risk losing him completely, and while it was the most painful thing in the world, she knew that if she tried again too quickly she would.

It had been hard in the year she had stayed on at Hogwarts, working under Filius.  Given that she was no longer a student, she had been expected to act as one of the staff, sitting at the high table, attending meetings, and acting basically as a teacher, sans actually teaching a class.  The new life and responsibility had been hard enough without the added weight of seeing him everywhere, and not even being allowed to look too long.  A few times she'd had strained polite conversation with him while waiting for a meal or meeting to begin, but other than those rare occasions she avoided him altogether, the pain of feeling so separate was too much for her to bear.

It was near May when she realized that the pain wasn't going away, and as long as she stayed near him, it never would.  It was as if no time had passed at all, she still scurried away every time she saw him, still felt her heart leap to her throat when he spoke, and still cried at nights longing for him.  It was like being in perpetual mourning, and with the other strains the year had brought she knew that she wouldn't be able to bear it much longer.  He'd told her to grow up, after all, and all she had done was dig herself into a sad little hole.  Finally, it got to be too much and she'd gone to Filius practically begging for a way out.  Luckily the man had grown quite a soft spot for her and was not offended in the slightest.  Quietly aware of her distress he had already spoken to a friend of his, Aurelia, who taught at the most prestigious magical academy in Europe, the Universidad de Magia in Barcelona, and gotten Hermione accepted for the summer term.  She had consented gratefully, and at the end of the school year she packed up all of her belongings and left, promising herself not to return until she was ready.  Ready wasn't something she had defined, she figured that she would know when it happened.

Leaving Hogwarts had been at the same time one of the hardest and one of the easiest things she'd ever done.  One the one hand, it had been her home for many years, and held most of the outstanding memories of her life, good and bad.  She, Harry, and Ron had learned its halls and corridors better than nearly anyone, save Dumbledore, and all of the wonderful people, ghosts, and various other creatures and animate objects had begun to feel like the magical family she'd always wanted.  Leaving the school had been a little bit like leaving a large part of herself, and it certainly wasn't made any easier by the fact that she left on poor terms.

On the other hand, the idea of studying in Barcelona was beyond a dream come true.  The school was very elite, and rarely took students as young and inexperienced as she.  Filius had argued on her behalf, however, and the headmistress had finally relented and agreed to make an exception in Hermione's case, allowing her to begin her studies early.  Walking into the school on the first day had been like her vision of heaven; the library put Hogwarts' to shame, the teachers were all Masters and beyond, and every single student there was as devoted to learning as she was.  Even the change of city was exciting for Hermione, who'd never thought she'd fit in any place other than England.  It had been somewhat hard at first, but translation charms were some of the first covered and soon Hermione found herself filling the role of academy student and young adult expertly, and was able to rid herself of the remaining angst at leaving Hogwarts behind.

Once she'd settled in, Hermione had thrown herself completely into life in Barcelona, spending the next four and a half years deeply immersed in her studies, not even pausing to return to England for holidays or vacations.  While Remus came to visit relatively often, as did Harry and Ron when they had the chance, and she exchanged letters with friends and faculty on a regular basis, she considered her time in Spain to be almost completely separate from her life back home.  The study of Charms was beyond fascinating to her, and she found herself soaking up information at a rate unheard of even for herself.  The people she met there were incredibly interesting as well, and it was easy for her to get lost in the world of the student, and as time went on, the world of the Master.  She'd earned her title of Junior Master just the past September, and had immediately dived headlong into research and practical applications, almost forgetting that the rest of the world existed.

So it had come as something of a shock when Filius wrote to her in October announcing his decision to retire, and his hope that she would return to Hogwarts to serve as his successor.  It was a shock, to be certain, but surprisingly, not an unwelcome one.  After much long and careful thought, she'd decided that his decision was the sign she'd been waiting for, and she was indeed ready to return to Hogwarts so confidently she'd sent back an owl declaring her acceptance.  

Hermione sighed, shaking her head at her reverie into the past.  _Which brings me back to the present, she thought, as she made her way onto the school grounds, only minutes from the castle.  She wasn't slated to return until the end of winter holidays, but she'd been too excited, and had worked it out privately with Dumbledore to come back a few weeks early for Christmas.  The holiday had always been her favorite back as a student, and the thought of missing it so closely was too unpleasant.  Now, however, as she neared the large wooden doors she felt a stab of nervousness in her chest.  In the excitement of moving back and becoming a teacher, she'd forgotten about all her anxieties, and now they were back in full force._

Although some of her stress was reserved for the more mundane fears of returning and teaching, most of her apprehension was focused on seeing Severus again.  While Barcelona had done wonders to mend her broken heart, nothing could ever heal it completely, and she wasn't entirely sure it could stand living with him once again.  Time and again she'd promised herself not to let her feelings for him get in the way of living her life, which was another reason she had accepted the Hogwarts position, but she was beginning to regret that pledge.  Whether she cared to admit it or not, she was still deeply in love with the man, and the idea of seeing him again brought an overwhelming mix of elation and dread that she didn't know if she could handle.

"Oh well, too late for regrets," she said under her breath, as she passed into the warmth of the castle, smiling despite the butterflies fluttering around her stomach.  

Hogwarts was just as she remembered it, and the stab resigned itself to stay simply a small ache as she made her way stealthily up the staircases.  While she had worked out her early arrival with Dumbledore, she'd requested that he not enlighten the rest of the staff.  At the time it had seemed like a great surprise to show up early, but now she wasn't so sure she could wait until dinner to see all of the faces she'd missed so much.  She decided that she had to talk to someone first, and since Filius' office was the closest to what would be her quarters she decided to stop by and see the little old man first.  Jumping from one staircase onto another moving one she made her way towards the Ravenclaw section of the castle.

Only a few minutes later, she was taking a deep breath as she raised a hand to knock twice on Filius' door, in the hope that her tiny professor would still be working.  In the year she had spent in the castle with him, she had never known Filius to leave before dinner, and she couldn't imagine that his routine had changed.  True to form, she heard him walking towards the door calling out, "Just a moment," in his squeaky voice.  She straightened out her robes as he opened the door, and flashed him her biggest smile as he stumbled backwards in surprise at seeing her.

"Hermione!" he cried, as soon as he picked himself off of the floor.  "My word, you nearly stopped my heart.  I thought you weren't coming back until January."

 "I couldn't bear the thought of spending another Christmas away," she said, bending down to embrace him.  "So I arranged to leave a week in advance.  I hoped that no one would mind."

"Mind?  Are you mad, child?  We've all been wondering if you'd ever want to return!  Especially after all the wonderful things you wrote about Barcelona."

Hermione blushed, remembering the gushing letters she had sent in her first few months away.  "I did love living in Spain," she said, following Filius inside and sitting in her usual seat across from him, "but Hogwarts is my home, and I was really ready to come back."  

"Well, I for one am certainly glad to have you," he dabbed his eyes a little with his handkerchief, smiling at her happily, "and not only because you are here to help me."

"I know, and thank you so much," she said earnestly, grasping his hand.  "You've done so much for me, Filius, first getting me into Universidad de Magia then giving me your job here.  I really don't know how to thank you enough."

"Nonsense," he said, brushing away her thanks.  "You deserved your place in Barcelona, just as you deserve to be a teacher here.  You are quite remarkable, Hermione, and it has been my pleasure to help you along."

Watery eyed, she pulled him into an embrace.  "Well, thank you still," she said, smiling and drawing back.  "I do appreciate all you've done, whether I 'deserved' it or not."

"Well," he said, bustling away to straighten some papers on his desk, and sniffing a little bit.  "Enough of all of this.  I'm sure there will be time enough tonight for tearful reunions."

"No doubt," Hermione grinned, "and I'm sure…"

She was cut off by Filius' hourglass turning a bright shade of red and whistling softly in the corner.  The tiny man gave a little jump and flicked his wand at it, before turning to her apologetically.  "I hate to rush you out like this, but I promised Albus that I'd see to the entertainment tonight, and I've not even started yet."  He grinned at the disheveled appearance she'd managed to get on her long walk up to the castle, "It might be for the best, though.  I'm sure you'll want to clean up before the Christmas feast.  This is the first time you've seen most of us in years, you know, and now you're a Junior Master.  You'll want to make a good impression."  He winked at her and walked over to the door, holding it open for her.

"Wait," she said quickly, pulling out a small package from her robes.  "If you're to be in charge of the entertainment, then maybe you'll want your present now."  Filius looked curiously at her and shut the door again as she handed over a small box, which was wrapped in Gryffindor red and gold.  "Be careful when you open it."

He raised his fuzzy white eyebrows and held the package away from his body as he ripped though the brightly coloured wrap.  No sooner had the ribbon hit the floor than the package started to shake and shift, enlarging quickly before their eyes.  "Oh my!" he exclaimed happily as the box became to big for his hand and hovered safely to the ground where it continued to grow until it was a whole head above the little man.  "What on earth is this?" he asked, looking between the box and Hermione with big eyes.  

"Open it," she prompted, grinning madly.  It had taken her a long time to Charm the package and the gift inside, but for this look on Filius' face it was worth it.  With a flick of his wand the box fell away and with a gasp Filius ran forward to the gleaming piano that stood before him.  "It's charmed to play Christmas carols," she told him.  "There are thirty in all."

"Amazing," he said, prodding it with his wand.  "You did this all by yourself?"

"Completely," she said.  "Here, listen to it."  She made a complicated swishing motion with her wand and the piano began to launch into short snippets of the carols.

"Excellent, excellent," Filius said, looking over the piano happily and humming along to the songs.  For a good five minutes he listened to the music, interjecting praise in between carols, and finding only one small problem.  "The last song was a little flat, but that's easily fixed."  He gave her a beaming smile and demonstrated a waving pattern with his wand.  "Just do that and say '_Strigo Abludere,' and it will correct the problem."_

She practiced the movement once before turning her wand on the piano, which was in the middle of a rousing rendition of Jingle Bells, and said, "_Strigo Abludere!"  The song faltered for a moment before going on with the correct tone quality.  Filius gave an excited squeak and patted her on the back saying, "Perfect, Hermione, just perfect."  He levitated the instrument easily and shrunk it to fit through the doorway.  "I can see why you are already a Junior!  This is a wonderful Christmas present; I can't wait to show the rest of the staff how far you've come.  I'll take this up to the Great Hall for the feast; why don't you go get yourself dressed up?"_

 "Thank you, Filius," she said, grinning as he left the room singing along with the charmed piano. 

Feeling light with pride over her piano, she strolled slowly out of the classroom, a huge grin plastered on her face.  She'd had the idea for the gift years ago at the start of her apprenticeship.  Filius only listened to music that had been charmed in one way or another, and since charmed music was hard and expensive to come by he often took on the task of creating the music on his own.  Unfortunately, much to the chagrin of all in the staff (excluding perhaps Dumbledore), his creations were limited mostly to charming pixies and other small animals into singing long and boring operettas.  After a few months of it, Hermione had been ready to strangle the pixies, and dreamed of a way to get some proper music into his rotation.  She'd been overjoyed to find that there was a whole course at Universidad de Magia dedicated to charming instruments, and she enrolled in it straight away, hoping her dream of making it through a session without the use of earplugs would become closer to a reality.  It had taken several long and hard months to charm each note of the songs into the piano, but she now felt every minute had been worth it.  Given the way Filius had reacted, she guessed that the pixies would be banished, at least for a while, and for that a bit of work seemed minor in comparison.  Giggling a bit, she decided that the rest of the staff would probably be thankful for it as well, especially since now that she knew how to Charm the piano she could make it play just about any piece of music so that not only would Christmas be safe but they could look forward to _real music for the rest of the year as well._

Soon she was at her chambers, and nodding at a group of passing third years, she let herself into her rooms and looked around happily.  It was a smaller space then Filius and the other heads of house had, but the size of a small flat it was more than enough to suit her needs, and now after living in a tiny dorm room for four and a half years it seemed positively luxurious.  There was a living room with a couch and a few comfortable chairs situated around an eternally burning fireplace, a spacious bathroom with a swimming pool-like tub, a study that would house her desk and personal library, and a bedroom with a large four poster bed and a huge window facing the grounds.  It was decorated in scarlet and subdued gold, simple, but homey.   

Conscious of the dwindling time left before the feast, she decided to leave her unpacking for later, and she shed her clothing unceremoniously before plunging into a hot and sweet smelling bath.  Instantly relaxed, she allowed herself a few laps before cleansing her hair and stepping out for a quick, magical dry.  Her makeup came next, and she sat still in front of her mirror as the charmed cosmetics painted themselves expertly over her face.  Normally she wore only minimal makeup, if any, but Filius was right; she _did_ want to make a good impression, and looking like a barefaced schoolgirl wouldn't he helpful.  She eyed the results thoughtfully when the final mist of perfume was applied, wiped off just a touch of the eyeliner, and left the bathroom to dress when she heard a loud rap on her door.

"Come in," she called, adding the password under her breath.  

"I heard you were back and couldn't stay away," said a cheery looking Remus Lupin, bounding through the flat and into her bedroom.  

Hermione gave a tiny shriek of happiness and rushed over to engulf him in a giant bear hug.  "It's so good to see you," she said as she drew away.  While Remus was one of the few people who'd managed to come to Barcelona, his visits had to be few and far between, and she hadn't seen him since the start of term.  "Though you _have ruined my surprise; I was planning on making a grand entrance this evening, but I see that won't be happening if everyone already knows I'm here."_

"If you wanted to be secretive than you shouldn't have told Filius," he said pointedly.  "He's practically running though the halls clanging a bell to announce your arrival.  He's been so anxious to get back to work with you."  

"He's anxious?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.  "I'm the one with the anxiety.  I'm beginning to think that this surprise return wasn't such a good idea after all.  Just appearing after not seeing anyone for years; I need to make a good impression, especially since I'll be returning as…" she paused, while the rest of the staff knew of her return to Hogwarts, Filius had decided to keep the entire nature of it secret as well.  Fishing around for something to say she finished lamely, "… a colleague."

Remus waved his hand dismissively.  "Don't be silly; we'd all rather have you back sooner than later."  He stepped back from her and sat down on the bed.

"I suppose I am glad that you found out," she said, giving him a cheeky grin.  "Now you can help me decide what to wear."

"It all looks the same to me," he replied, though he sat up a bit straighter and turned his full attention to the wardrobe.

"Right, well, earn your stay and help me pick," she called from inside the closet as she un-shrunk her trunks and brought out an assortment of dress robes.  

"Whatever you say, Professor," Remus said, smiling as her head popped out in surprise.  

"How did you know about that?" Hermione asked, her eyes widening and mentally berating herself for the near slip that must have given her away.  "I didn't think Filius was going to tell anyone at all… saving it as a start of term surprise or whatnot."

Remus shrugged, "Sirius told me, which either means everyone knows or he's been cozying up to the portrait in Filius' office again."  He frowned a bit at her, "Don't wear the gray."

"What's wrong with the gray?" she asked, looking down at the robes she had just put on.

He rolled his eyes, "Its _Christmas_ Hermione.  Anyway, I wouldn't worry if I were you, we've known for ages that you'd be a brilliant teacher, and now you'll have your chance to prove us right."

"I don't know, Remus," she said, stepping back into the closet and stripping off the dress.  "Do you really think I'm ready for such a responsibility?  I am only twenty five, after all, and I'm not even a full master yet, not to mention that I haven't any teaching experience."

"A very mature twenty-five, if I may say so; sometimes I think you're more adult than _I_ am.  As for your training, most schools would be thrilled to take on someone who went to Universidad de Magia.  Not all professors are even Junior Masters, you know.  Besides, you have experience teaching, to a degree.  Without your tutoring, I doubt that half of the Gryffindor boys in your year would have made it through Hogwarts, and probably a few of the Hufflepuffs as well."

She had to laugh at that.  "Good point, Remus.  Speaking of boys who ought not to have graduated, have you heard the latest from Harry and Ron?"

"Ah yes, got an owl from them this morning.  Sirius is going to the Burrow for the holiday to congratulate them both.  It's a shame we can't be there, I'm sure Molly will be at her finest now that she has a fully qualified Auror in the family."

"Yes, she's very proud of Ron, Harry too," Hermione said, sifting through a few remaining dress robes that she liked.  "As we all are.  I do wish we could be together for Christmas though.  It _is _my first back, after all, and other than being in Spain I've not missed a holiday with them since second year!  Well except for…" she trailed off, not wanting to follow on her train of thought.  Long ago she had schooled herself not to think of her time-traveling experience, because that thought would always lead her back to Severus, and while the pain had subsided to a significant degree she didn't want to think on it more than she had to.  Unconsciously, her hand fluttered to the ruby that still lay on her neck.  "Blue or gold?" she called out, dropping her hand quickly.  

"Gold, I think," Remus replied, though from his tone she could tell her change of subject hadn't gone unnoticed.  

"How do I look?" she asked after a moment, walking out of the closet wearing the delicate golden robes and trying to look thoroughly merry.  

"Beautiful," he answered, rising off the bed to give her a hug.  "Though I think you might be even lovelier if you wear that necklace on the outside."

She gave a start in his arms, and drew away.  "I couldn't…" she mumbled, looking down away from him.  "It just wouldn't be right."  He raised an eyebrow at her and she sighed, "It's been only five years, Remus.  It's still too soon for wearing that necklace to mean anything but what it does; that I still love him.  I've no right to just flaunt that, especially since it isn't a secret who gave me the ruby and why.  I _have grown up, and I'm not about to start playing mind games again, and wearing it out would be just that."_

He didn't respond but fixed her with a long and meaningful stare.  Then without another word on the subject, he reached beneath her neckline and pulled out the necklace, which sparkled brilliantly in the candlelight.  "Shall we head down to the Great Hall?  I believe we are nearly running late."

Hermione looked at Remus for a long minute with sad eyes before slipping the ruby back beneath her robes.  "Alright," she said finally, shaking her head to clear her thoughts and putting a smile back on her face.  "Let's go."

 "Right then," Remus said, settling back into a jolly tone, though he couldn't quite hide his disappointment.  "We'd better hurry, if we want to be on time."

"Fancy using the secret passage down the hall to get there?  It will be faster and loads more fun," she said, linking her arm into his and grinning despite the heavy doubt that was beginning to settle over her.

"I've got a better way," he said, grinning when he saw her confusion.  "I've been doing research of my own while you've been away.  Remember the one eyed witch?  Turns out she has more than one secret in that hump of hers…"

~*~

Severus stood in front of the mirror with a deep scowl on his face.  Although he was sure that the black dress robes that he wore were draped correctly and were appropriate for the situation he still felt as though there were something missing, and he was thoroughly displeased with himself for thinking so.  He never bothered himself with his appearance for anything, let alone something as ridiculous as Christmas dinner, yet here he had been for the last twenty minutes, musing over his attire and what could possibly be wrong with it.  Finally he decided to let it rest and with a derisive snort aimed at himself he retired to his sitting room, conjuring up a tea service for one along with a batch of charmed gingerbread cookies, to pass the time until he had to make his dreaded appearance.

For a while he tried to read, but soon he grew restless and threw the book down in disgust.  For some reason his mind had been preoccupied for the past weeks, and he'd been able to do precious little except sit in his chair and fume at whatever nameless stress was occupying his subconscious.  _Nameless, a drawling voice in the back of his head accused, __you know very well what's bothering you, and she certainly has a name._

Severus waved the thought away, as he had a million times, but tonight it rang more than true and he couldn't escape it.  Though he had been trying to avoid the obvious, perhaps it was time to admit that the return of Hermione Granger was having more than a little effect on his life.  He'd taken the news well at first, with little more than a second of apprehension.  In the years she'd been away, he'd managed to convince himself thoroughly that she no longer mattered to him, and for a while he managed to act it.  After a few days, however, the reality had begun to sink in, and Severus began a bitter war with his unconscious trying to rid her from his thoughts.  Now, on Christmas of all nights, he was nearly forced to admit that she was the stress that was so interfering with his life.

"There is nothing to be thought about it," he told himself resolutely, although his hand turned traitor and searched for the small silver disk that she had enchanted for him so long ago.  As he reached for it he realized two things, first, that it was not in its usual place in his pocket, and second, that this was the reason that his outfit had seemed incomplete.  Cursing himself under his breath both for his forgetfulness and for his weakness, he stalked into the other room to retrieve the charm from his other robes.  

Finally he dug it out, and without looking he attempted to shove it into his pocket.  However, he couldn't seem to make his hands work correctly and instead he held it up to the light, staring at the gleaming piece of silver silently in a way he hadn't done in a very long time.  

It was ridiculous, he thought savagely, to place so much importance on something so small.  Especially when he'd convinced himself that it had never really meant anything anyway.  Just a token from his schooldays, something even the most sentimental of wizards would have boxed up and forgotten long ago.

Still, despite everything he told himself, he couldn't bring himself to shut the charm away.  

 "Musing, Severus?"  The soft voice of Albus Dumbledore cut through the silence of the dungeons, startling Severus out of his staring contest with the silver.  "Nothing too serious I hope; it is Christmas after all."

"Albus," he acknowledged, hastily shoving the disk back into his pocket.  "What brings you down here, shouldn't you be up decking the halls with boughs of holly, or some such nonsense?"

"All taken care of," the older wizard said, walking over to the empty chair opposite Severus.  "Actually, Filius is in a most festive mood this evening, and insisted on completing the decorations by himself."

Severus made a sour face, "Wonderful, Albus.  I'm so glad that you've now seen fit to destroy Christmas on two levels.  What will he do?  Swirling clouds of glitter to surround his abominable pixies?  You remember what happened _last_ year when he had reign over the trees; the house-elves were cleaning the tinsel for a week."

Dumbledore chuckled, happily conjuring up a large tray of steaming hot gingerbread men and offering them to Severus who shook his head in disgust.  "And they had a fabulous time doing it, as I recall.  Fear not, Severus.  I have the feeling that tonight will be just lovely."

"Humph," he grumbled.  The smile on Dumbledore's face was jolly and full of Christmas spirit, enough to send Severus into an even fouler mood.  Feeling vindictive he sent an inconspicuous charm at the older man's tray, charming the cookies into life.

"Oh, come now," Albus clucked, conjuring a cup of cocoa to go along with the gingerbread and sipping it innocently.  "Your mood has been decidedly un-cheerful these past weeks.  I should think that Christmas would appeal to you; give you a chance to relax and enjoy the holidays."  He wagged his eyebrows, "Just think lad, a delicious meal, liberal amounts of wine, carols and crackers, enchanted mistletoe…"

"That's enough Albus," Severus growled, turning up his nose in distaste.  He eyed the older wizard sharply.  "I'm _always "un-cheerful," as you put it, around the holidays, and you should know as well as anyone that I detest the traditional Christmas celebrations, and as for mistletoe…."  Suddenly he narrowed his eyes and tilted his head angrily.  "What is this about, Albus?"_

"Nothing at all, my boy," Albus said, as he struggled to force a screaming gingerbread man into his mug.  "Just trying to get you into the spirit, which I can see you need… it's brutal to charm the cookies like this, Severus, not to mention it makes them hard to eat."

 "You're a terrible liar," he responded, rolling his eyes as he reached over to snap the troublesome cookie in half, only to elicit a higher pitched cry from the now drowning confection.  He sighed, rubbing his eyes lightly with his hand.  "I appreciate your concern, Albus, but it is unfounded.  I'm tired, nothing more than that.  It's been a trying term, and it's bound only to get more so in the next one.  I'm simply attempting to conserve what little energy I have."

"Is that all?"  Albus asked, crunching thoughtfully on a leg.  "Because I rather thought it something to do with Miss Granger."

Severus paled visibly but tried to act unaffected, taking on a polite but uninterested tone.  "Granger?  You're losing your touch old man, I've not thought about the girl in ages."

Dumbledore raised a bushy white eyebrow.  "Is that so?"

"Certainly," he replied, straightening in his chair.  "I'll admit that a few years ago I was rather… preoccupied by her presence, but she and I have both come to terms with the situation, and moved on."

"Aha," the Headmaster said, nodding his head, "I see.  So this mood of yours has nothing to do with her approaching return to Hogwarts."

"Absolutely not," Severus said firmly.  "As I told you, I don't think of her."

"Well then," Albus said, "permit an old man some confusion, and explain to me why, if you don't think of her, you carry around that charm in your pocket."

If it was possible, Severus went another shade paler.  "How on earth…" he murmured, sending an angry glare at his companion.  "I don't appreciate spying, Albus."

Albus sighed.  "I've not been spying, merely observant."

Severus slumped down moodily in his chair, and looked away.  "I don't wish to speak about it."

"I'm afraid I must insist," Albus said gently.  "Hermione will be back sooner than you think, and I don't want a repeat of her time here before.  I don't presume to ask that you confide your emotions in me, but if the two of you are going to be colleagues, then we must at least speak about how you will co-exist with her professionally.  I can't have two of my staff members avoiding each other like children; it isn't conducive to a good working environment for any of the faculty.  I'm afraid that we will have to talk about this."

"Fine," he relented, "but may I request that we leave it until _after_ Christmas?  I'd rather not make this holiday any worse than it already is, and it won't be an issue for several weeks yet."

"Hmmm," Albus considered. "Yes, I suppose that is a good idea, Severus.  It is nearly time for dinner anyway."  He quickly drank the last of his cocoa and picked up the forgotten remains of his gingerbread man, who was now moaning faintly and trying to wriggle off the plate with his remaining limbs.  He shook his head, a grin reappearing on his face.  "Really, Severus, why would you go and charm them like this?  It's terribly sadistic."

"Not sadistic," Severus replied, forced to grin himself, "therapeutic.  Or haven't you noticed that each man has a little red and gold tie…"

~*~

Stalking through the halls behind Dumbledore, Severus felt as if there were no possible way that his mood could get any fouler.  The Headmaster had been right yet again, and now he was cursing himself for not working out the Hermione issue when he'd had the chance.  If she was on his mind before, now she consumed it, and there was nothing he wished for more than a strong drink, a warm fire, and any book he could escape into to clear his mind.  There seemed to be little chance for any of that, at least for a while, because Dumbledore would never allow him to skip the holiday meal.  His scowl deepened as he realized that meals meant gossip, and the return of one of Hogwarts' finest certainly counted such.  

"Splendid," he heard Dumbledore say from in front of him.  "The Hall is truly lovely this year, don't you agree, Severus?"

"No," he replied shortly, despite the fact that he inwardly agreed.  There was no sign of the usual frivolity this year, instead the hall gleamed with silvers, gold, and whites, all wrapped around evergreen trees and boughs in a surprisingly tasteful display.  Still Severus was not in an appropriate mood to appreciate it and so he turned up his nose as he took a seat next to the headmaster.  "It's hideous, as usual."

"Hmm," Dumbledore responded dreamily, he obviously hadn't been paying attention.  "And what do you think, Miss Alcot?  Miss Florin?" he asked two sixth year Hufflepuffs who had shown up early.  Severus silently thanked the old man and tuned out pleasantly as the children droned on about the decorations and the holiday.

Just as Severus was beginning to settle comfortably into a reverie far from the inane chatter of the table he heard Minerva gasp slightly to his right, and several other loud murmurs around the table.  Raising his eyes to see what the clamor was about he let out a small gasp himself to see Hermione Granger standing in the entrance, two weeks early and looking like some sort of Christmas angel.  As he watched her walk into the room with Lupin he felt his throat constrict and a thin sheen of sweat break out on his forehead.  _So **this** is why Albus wanted to speak with me tonight, he thought trying to control his anger at the meddling headmaster.  A quick glance next to him proved that Albus was indeed not surprised to see the girl, and in fact looked rather pleased with the happy astonishment of the rest of the staff.  It took Severus several moments to stop scowling angrily at the man and turn his gaze back to Hermione._

"Happy Christmas!" she exclaimed, looking rather nervous as she approached the table.

"Happy Christmas indeed," Minerva responded, rising from the table to greet her young friend.  "We weren't expecting to see you until January.  This is quite a lovely surprise."

There was a loud murmur of assent from the rest of the staff, and several curious whispers from the assembled students.  For his part Severus was still in too much of a state of shock to say anything, which was probably for the best at this moment.  He sat stunned as Hermione made her way around the table giving hugs, handshakes, and the occasional kiss to the staff.  Finally she made her way over to his chair, but to his relief did not offer anything but a quiet, "Happy Christmas, Severus," before moving on to the next person.

Severus had prepared himself many times for the instant he would see her again, but this scenario had never occurred to him, and therefore he was unprepared to school his thoughts away from her.  Although the rehearsed lines he had practiced about her being simply a colleague or that he no longer had feelings for her floated through his head like he had practiced, they were easily overrun by the unbidden realization that not only was she more than just a colleague but his feelings had managed to grow despite their physical and emotional distance.  He found himself staring at her with all the force of his pent up longing being freed, wishing for her in ways he hadn't allowed himself to for many years.

_Stop this,_ he told himself wildly, forcing his gaze away from her face and into the swirling red of his wine.  _It was over a long time ago, and all I am feeling is holiday induced nostalgia.  He didn't quite believe himself, but it was enough for him to take a deep breath and look back over to where she had taken a seat, almost directly across from him next to fifth year Ravenclaw Vanessa Shaw and Lupin.  __Besides, he continued savagely,__ she has been in __Spain__ for five years.  Surely being a student in such a country would be enough to rid her of any lingering emotions for a lost lover at home.  I doubt she even thinks of me at all._

As he mused over her possible feelings and tried to control his own Hermione occupied the conversation at the table, talking enthusiastically to the assembly about her time at Universidad de Magia.  He disregarded her detailed descriptions of classes and the Spanish countryside, and allowed himself a quick flash of triumph when she admitted to dating a few classmates but quickly losing interest in all of them.  

Soon the questions began to trickle off, and he allowed himself to drift back into the conversation.  While he was still all too aware of Hermione's presence, he could push it to the side of his consciousness and leave it be until he could examine it more fully when he was alone.  For now all he wanted to do was to get through the dinner as soon as possible, then escape back to the sanity of his rooms and away from Hermione and all the unwanted thoughts she inspired.  

When dinner finally arrived, it appeared that he was almost going to get off easy.  Hermione had resigned herself to talking quietly with Lupin and Minerva, the students were happily chatting amongst themselves and the rest of the staff was caught up in a lively debate completely unrelated to him.  He had just allowed himself to relax and enjoy his meal when the unthinkable happened.  Shaw, who had been listening closely to Hermione's conversation, had apparently recognized why the name and face seemed too familiar to her, and was now gazing at the older girl with a mixture of awe and excitement on her face.  Severus felt himself pale as she tugged on Hermione's sleeve to get her attention.

"_You_ were the one who went back in time," Shaw exclaimed with a squeak, nudging the boy next to her excitedly.  "I've heard all sorts of rumors about it!  Would you tell us the story, please?"

Hermione's extreme case of time-travel was one of the very few ever documented, and the subject of Hogwarts gossip for the past several years.  Severus supposed that it was bound to come up at one point or another, but he cursed which ever gods existed that the little brat had chosen tonight of all nights to remember the story.  He turned to Hermione with a carefully disinterested stare, hoping that she would feel as uncomfortable as he with the line of questioning and deflect the youngsters' inquiries.  

"Yes, I'm the one," Hermione agreed with a kind smile, although her face had gone several shades whiter as well.  "Although I don't think it's really appropriate dinner conversation.  Perhaps I'll drop by later and…"

"Nonsense," Albus interrupted, squashing the relieved feeling that was beginning to wash over Severus.  "It seems as if all of our students are interested in the tale," indeed every young face was turned hopefully to Hermione, no doubt wanting to hear the famous story from the source, "and I'm sure the staff wouldn't mind the diversion."

"Not at all," Lupin responded quickly, throwing an amused look at the headmaster.  "What do you say, are you up for it Hermione?"

"I, I don't know…" she said, biting her lip, and looking desperate for a way out.  "I wouldn't even know where to begin and…"

"Tell us how it happened," Shaw said, with wide eyes.  "Is it true that you fell off the Astronomy Tower?"

"Well, um, close, but no," Hermione replied.  "I was leaving the dungeons from a detention," all of the children threw her sympathetic looks, "and I fell backwards from the top step.  I was wearing a time-turner, and as I fell it swung around, throwing me into the past."

"What happened?" asked one of the younger Hufflepuffs worriedly.  "Were you alright?"

"I was fine," Hermione reassured her, appearing to get into the story, as if replaying it in her memory.  "Actually, I wasn't, not at first, but a Slytherin was wandering by at the time and managed to get me to the hospital wing before any damage was done."  She paused.  "I was very lucky he was there."

"A Slytherin!" Shaw exclaimed, seemingly scandalized by the very idea.  "They'd never stop to help _anyone_, let alone a Gryffindor."

"Now, that's not very nice and not true at all," Hermione said, in a gently reproving voice.  "In fact," she paused again, a little uncertainly, "this Slytherin turned out to be a… a great friend, even though I am, and was, a Gryffindor."

Shaw seemed suspicious of this, but let the matter rest, choosing instead to ask an apparently endless stream of questions about the seventies, and all of Hermione's experiences.  Hermione, for her part, seemed to get into the story and Severus got the distinct impression that she was recalling in detail the year she had spent in his school time.  She contented herself to answer all of the questions, and the students and staff were all lulled into the story as they ate, giving Severus some time to think.

Thus far she had avoided any mention of him, except for the opening statements of his rescue, and he was praying that she continued the trend.  This was bad enough, hearing the story played over with no way to escape it, but to hear her talk of him in the same offhand and easy way she was relating her antics with the Gryffindors would be too much for him on this night, especially with the feelings that were beginning to resurface for her in him.  Again he cursed Albus for forcing him to these dinners and began to devise strategies for departure when a question caught his attention and filled him with the deepest of dread.  Shaw had asked after boyfriends, and it appeared that Hermione was actually going to answer her.

"There were only two boys who caught my eye during that time," she said, the tone of her voice becoming surprisingly soft.  "The first turned out to be better as a friend and the second," here she paused for a third time in her story, looking off in the distance sadly, "well, the second turned out to be more."  

"Oh, tell us about it," Shaw begged, propping up her head on her arms dreamily.  "It must be a tragically romantic story."

"It is that," Lupin agreed, cutting into the story, "but I don't think we ought to pry into Hermione's…"

"No," Hermione cut him off with a raise of her hand, although her gaze was now fixed on Severus.  He watched her with a carefully neutral expression, wondering what on earth she thought she was doing.  "I'll tell it, it needs to be told anyway," she broke her gaze and smiled at Shaw, "to finish the story properly, right Vanessa?"

"Oh yes," the girl cooed, along with the other children around the table.

To Severus' absolute horror Hermione then began to tell their story to the entire table.  She started off the story slowly and a bit jerkily, but by the time she had gotten to their first kiss she had become a master storyteller, completely enthralling the table with her tale.  He, however, was not enchanted.  While she was not talking in the same offhand manner the mere fact that she would relate such a private story to near strangers was enough for him to decide that the story was no longer dear to her.  It filled his heart with ice, and several times he was forced to clench his fingers tightly around the arms of his chair to keep himself from shaking from his realization.  Finally after what seemed a lifetime of hell, Hermione finished the story, leaving off at the end when she had left his office nearly six and a half years before.

"What happened then?" asked Shaw's friend, looking heartbroken.  "You went after him, didn't you?  You went back in there and got him, right?"

"Wrong," Hermione said sadly.  "I did as he asked, I left I didn't return.  You see, I loved him, and I knew that if I went back into the room I would lose him forever, but if I walked away with the intention to return _some day_, I still had a chance."  She sighed heavily.  "So I left, and I moved to Barcelona and I grew up, and I haven't spoken to him since, not really," she said, shaking her head slowly.  "I'm sorry there isn't a better end to the story girls, but there you have it."

The conversation soon turned to other subjects as Hermione slipped away from her role as storyteller, but Severus began to wonder, unclenching his hands in silent surprise, as she stared off beyond the group of diners.  The way she had ended the story was filled with such a longing sadness that he could no longer be so sure that she really believed their story to be over.  More importantly, he realized, as he joined her in reverie, he wondered if he did.

~*~

After the dinner, the students and staff all sat contentedly around the table, exchanging the last of the small talk and pleasantries for the night.  Severus remained quiet, as he had since Hermione had told their story.  No one seemed to mind his silence, although Hermione and the headmaster had both thrown several poorly concealed glances in his direction.  He was glad for the reprieve from conversation, as his mind was presently unable to concentrate on anything except for the woman sitting across the table from him.  After her monologue he'd gone through a rapid succession of emotions, first hope that he still had a chance with her, then fear that he'd misread her, moving onto disgust with himself for caring so much, and finally into anger at the woman for dredging up the past.  He was sure, by this last stage, that she couldn't possibly have meant anything by her story other than to amuse the children, and he was furious to have been put on display.

"Well," Albus' voice cut into his thoughts merrily, "it is getting late; time for all good children to be in their beds."

There was a resounding groan from the students, who were obviously enjoying themselves, but none of them would stand up to the headmaster, and soon they were rounded up and heading back to the dormitories.  Several of the staff made their excuses and followed behind, not that Severus blamed them for retiring early; on any other occasion he would have been ahead of all of them.  Tonight, however, he had business to take care of; namely putting Hermione in her place for presuming to use him as a means of entertainment.  With a frown he made his way over to where she was standing, chatting drowsily with Albus.

"Excuse me," he said as he glided up beside them, grasping onto her arm a bit too tightly than could be comfortable, "but I'm afraid I must steal Miss Granger here for a moment."

"By all means," Albus replied, looking between the two of them with ill-concealed interest.  

"Thank you," Severus said tersely, pulling her away from the grinning headmaster and towards the doors of the Great Hall before she could respond or protest.

 "What is this all about?" she asked, grimacing a little at his grip, as they left the remaining staff behind them.

"I need to speak with you," he said, slightly leavening his grip but not quite letting go, "about your little performance tonight."  He pulled her into the first empty classroom they came across, and shut the door hard behind them, letting go of her and folding his arms crossly.  "I want to know what the hell you think you were doing?"

"Pardon me?" she asked, rubbing her arm and frowning at him.  "Little performance?"

"You know very well what I'm talking about," he spat, "or have you already forgotten your choice to replay our entire relationship before the entire school?"

An exasperated look overtook her face, and she crossed her arms.  "First of all, I never mentioned _you the entire time, for all they know it could have been anybody.  And second of all, I hardly told the _whole_ school, or have you forgotten how to count?"_

"You told Vanessa Shaw, which is as good as telling the entire student body," he shot back.  "What on earth did you think gave you the right to do such a thing?  We buried this _years ago, you have _no_ right to bring it back up."_

"It's my story too," she cried, throwing up her hands, "and I wanted… _needed_ to tell it!  It may be 'buried' to you, but it is still a fresh wound for me!  Do you think it's easy, keeping it inside all of the time?  Knowing that you gave me up and threw me out and not being able to do or say a damn thing about it?  I'm sorry if I embarrassed you tonight, but I needed to be selfish and say _something."  Shaking her head at him she paced a length of the room, before stalking back angrily.  "You have no right to…"_

Her diatribe was cut short as she stumbled into a desk, ungracefully crashing right into it.  On instinct, Severus moved forward to help her back to her feet.  As he helped to lift her from the floor he noticed a small gold chain hanging beneath her robes, and his breath caught at the familiarity of it.  Shocked into stillness he stood holding her arms and staring at her neck.  "What are you wearing?" he asked, in a harsh raspy voice.

"I know these robes aren't completely practical," she started, angrily again, "but that has nothing…"

"No," he said, pulling on the chain so it fell on top of her robes.  "This."

The ruby sparkled in the dim candlelight, looking as new and beautiful as the first time he had seen her in it.  Her breath hitched as it settled against the fabric, and she immediately went to cover it with her hand.  "You have no right to demand I don't wear it," she said, squeezing it protectively.  "It was a gift; you have no right to be mad."

"Did you do this just to spite me?" he asked, pushing away from her.  "I would not have expected such cruelty from you."

"To spite you?" her voice had taken a softer, more confused tone.  "How…why would this spite you?"

"I am but an old man and a fool," he said, turning his head away from her, "and I am not so easily parted from items of sentimentality.  Wearing that necklace may mean nothing to you, but I still associate it with our past."

"Nothing," she said, incredulously, "how could you think it means nothing?"

"If the blithe manner in which you talked of the past is any indication, then I would even venture to say that it means less than nothing," he said, although a part of him was beginning to think that perhaps he was wrong.

"Like I said before," she countered, shaking her head, "I talked about our time together because I _had_ to.  My time spent in the past means more to me than anything else in the world and yet," she paused, biting her lip, "and yet I can't speak of it because losing you in the end hurts too much to say.  Tonight I had the chance to get it off my chest, once and for all."  His mouth began to harden, but she resumed speaking before he could say anything.  "Once and for all because I believe…" she paused, looking at him hard, "believed that you were finished with this; believed that I didn't matter to you anymore.  I'm starting to think that I was wrong.  I still love you," she said, looking at him with the eyes of someone about to leap off an impossibly high cliff, "now the only question is: are you still in love with me?"

"Yes," he breathed, but heavily, as if there were a weight upon his shoulders.  

She made no move towards him, which he was thankful for, but tears sprang to her eyes in obvious relief.  "What do we do now?" she asked, in a trembling voice.  "We still love each other, Severus.  There is no reason for us to be apart."

"It won't be easy," he said warningly, conscious of the obstacles they would no doubt face.

"I know," she answered honestly.  "It can't be, nothing worthwhile ever is, but it can't be harder than being apart.  I'd rather die trying to make this work than live letting it go."

"Be careful what you say," he replied gruffly, his brow beginning to furrow.  

"I mean what I say," she said, coming up to stand beside him, seemingly as close as she dared.  "I love you Severus Snape, and I always will.  I want to be with you, and I am ready for whatever obstacles we may face, including you."  His eyes snapped down to meet hers and she nodded defiantly.  "I'm not walking out of this room again without the intention to come back, even if you tell me not to.  I won't lose you again, not a third time.  We love each other; that is all that matters.  We can work through the rest as it comes our way.  We've withstood so much already to lose each other now.  Please, Severus, tell me you aren't lost to me," she murmured, bringing up her hand to rest over his heart, which was beating faster than he'd ever felt it.  "Tell me you aren't."

Severus looked at her for a long and silent moment, drinking her in greedily, and for the first real time in more than twenty years.  She'd grown even more beautiful, he thought faintly, as she'd grown up.  The roundness of the face he had known had become soft angles, the hair had grown and darkened, the body developed, with curves that he longed to run his hands along.  Her eyes, though, he was unable to look away from.  There was a maturity in the dark brown depths that hadn't been there before, a quiet change that spoke most clearly the fact that she was no longer the child that she had been.  More than that, her eyes held a promise, one that spoke of everything he held dear in his heart.  It spoke of their past, when they'd been so young and innocent, and falling in love had been the easiest step ever taken.  When the world consisted of only them, and they'd held forever at their fingertips.  It spoke of the sadness when she'd walked out of his office and out of his life seemingly forever.  But what gripped at his heart was that her eyes spoke of the future, of the promise of a love yet to come, one deeper and stronger than the one they'd shared so many years before. 

Though he was still afraid, and though there were dangers on their path, that look, that promise, was enough to melt his heart and bring him back to the place he had been decades ago when he'd loved her for the first time.  It was enough to still the uncertainty that had haunted him for twenty five years and hold his hand out and place it on top of hers.  

"With you," he said, as he brought his face down to hers to meet for what was both the thousandth and the first kiss they'd ever shared, "I am never lost."

_THE END_

_Final Author's Note_

_First of all, I'd like to give a gigantic thanks to MOLLY aka RHITmcshanm who has been the best beta ever, and who has helped me so much with this story.  I couldn't have done it without her constant help._

_Second, I'd like to thank Rachael aka CimoreneD who always has time to listen to me whine about writing._

_Lastly, I'd like to thank every person who has reviewed, e-mailed, or IMed me about "Lost."  Each and every one has meant so much to me, I really can't tell you all how much I've appreciated all of the feedback.  I'm still amazed at the number of reviews and messages I've gotten, and I know that without all of the support from everyone at ff.net, schnoogle, and especially WIKTT I'd never have finished the story.  Thank you guys!!!!_

_Jen ~ VenusDeMilo_


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